Ending long term therapy and managing the loss of the therapeutic relationship

So, I think I know I've reached my therapy goals in that I know myself a lot better, have more skills to cope with life and my reactions to it.
The thing that makes me worried about leaving therapy is not having this relationship with my T anymore.

For those of you who have had deep attachments with your therapist, how have you managed this?

My therapist is giving me all sorts of options. We're trying fortnightly from Feb. And she said it can be whatever I want: monthly, every now and then, back up to weekly if something happens, whatever I need.
 
The thing that makes me worried about leaving therapy is not having this relationship with my T anymore.

For those of you who have had deep attachments with your therapist, how have you managed this?
How on earth would this not be devastating?

Personally? I’ve sidestepped it. By either NOT keeping people in my life… or? Absof*ckinglutly keeping them in my life.
 
Personally? I’ve sidestepped it. By either NOT keeping people in my life… or? Absof*ckinglutly keeping them in my life.
I don’t think I’ll ever understand it because I just don’t let people in. It’s so much easier to cut someone out when they aren’t deeply entrenched. The last person I let in that far was when I was 10 and it ended when I was 20ish. I still mourn her and yet I have no desire to have another her.

@Movingforward10 i think it’s beautiful what you and your T have. I also would run screaming if I felt it. I think you’ll find most people fall into those categories. Me, you, Friday.

I think if you take this relationship you’ve built and you trust it. You trust that T means she’ll be there for you if you want to come back and it doesn’t have to be a literal end. When you finally ready to stop seeing her completely you’ll always have her in your head. You spent too many years together to not know how she’d advise you.
 
This is something that worries me too, although I'm not at that ending stage yet.

My therapist is giving me all sorts of options. We're trying fortnightly from Feb. And she said it can be whatever I want: monthly, every now and then, back up to weekly if something happens, whatever I need.
I think this seems like a good way forward...knowing that your therapist is always there for you when you need it, but gradually getting used to walking by yourself.
 
How on earth would this not be devastating?

Personally? I’ve sidestepped it. By either NOT keeping people in my life… or? Absof*ckinglutly keeping them in my life.
That’s true. It’s always going to be hard.
I don’t think I’ll ever understand it because I just don’t let people in. It’s so much easier to cut someone out when they aren’t deeply entrenched. The last person I let in that far was when I was 10 and it ended when I was 20ish. I still mourn her and yet I have no desire to have another her.

@Movingforward10 i think it’s beautiful what you and your T have. I also would run screaming if I felt it. I think you’ll find most people fall into those categories. Me, you, Friday.

I think if you take this relationship you’ve built and you trust it. You trust that T means she’ll be there for you if you want to come back and it doesn’t have to be a literal end. When you finally ready to stop seeing her completely you’ll always have her in your head. You spent too many years together to not know how she’d advise you.
thanks @Charbella. That’s true I’ll always have her in my head.
Reaching out and reconnecting from time to time—not just for emotional processing but also to share positive things happening in my life.
I could talk to her about that.
This is something that worries me too, although I'm not at that ending stage yet.


I think this seems like a good way forward...knowing that your therapist is always there for you when you need it, but gradually getting used to walking by yourself.
Thanks @KayW
 
I know we see therapy a bit differently. I open ended left therapy a few months ago. My therapist is/was excellent, very competent, very honest, I respected her as a person. But, at the end of the day it was a paid for professional relationship. That didn’t make her care any less, it didn’t make it fake. But it’s not a reciprocal relationship, it’s very much a professional service.

Your therapist sounds like mine, very good, very competent, has got a perfect read on you & the way to treat you that’s worked for you. She’s going to be there, if you want to go back. Ending won’t make her care go away, it won’t undo all the work you’ve done. Youll carry everything you worked on together and skills with you forward. If you leave more time between the sessions she’ll still treat you in the same way she always has, it won’t affect your professional relationship.

If you’ve accomplished your goals, give it a try. You can go back, you can say hey actually I wasn’t ready. Her care will be there for you if you need to go back.
 
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