How have you said thank you/goodbye to your long term therapist? (With an ending you agreed to)

[Movingforward10]

I have 2 more sessions to go. Of a therapist relationship that has been 4 years and 7 months. With me having deep deep attachment to T.

I want to make sure I use these sessions and this time as best as possible to make this goodbye meaningful and helpful.

It's already happening with us sharing things between us.

If therapy was in person, I would want to write her a card and give her a gift. It's online so that isn't possible. But I'm thinking of writing her an email, but just can't convey what I want to say.

Anyway, this is a question about: what did you do in your goodbye? What did you wished you had done, looking back now?

This is about planned endings, that you are in control of. Not endings that were forced on you, for whatever reason.

 

[No More]

Honestly? I just said I appreciated all their hard work, wished them the very best and we kind of just joked around a bit in the last session. I didn’t really have a build up, it was more of a ‘I’ve got what I need’ out of this. We had planned a break because I wanted to see how it went, and then at the end I just kind of found that I was perfectly happy without it; and in fact had things I wanted to do in the ‘therapy time’, so it just kind of became a bit redundant.


I am aware that I do see therapy differently to you - I am pleased that I did manage to thank my therapist because yanno, she did put a lot of effort in. All the session plans, the structure, being bang on time every single week. I think maybe looking back I would have liked to thank her for how she conducted her business. Not that it’s my job to do that, but reading on here the horror stories, I would have liked to say thank you for how good her boundaries were, for staring and ending on time, for keeping therapy in session, for making me go out and build other things into my life, for just always being completely appropriate, and rigidly following best practice. I think a lot of therapists could really really learn from that. And now, looking back, I deeply appreciate it, on a level that I never understood the importance or significance of those boundaries, even if I never needed them, at the time.

 

[Sideways]

This hasn’t happened often for me, despite the number of Ts that I’ve seen over the years!

There was one that was planned, and gracious, and not related to retirement of moves overseas or funding or…we just knew we’d be approaching the end of what this particular T could offer me.

I’m not a person who hangs a lot on goodbyes. I’m not sentimental. So, for me? The last couple of sessions were actually pretty similar to all the other sessions we’d had. We just agreed I wasn’t going to need ongoing support from her with the way things were, and that was that.

But I did make sure that we had an agreement that I could I could reach out for more appointments if and when that changes, because she was good at what she did.

I hope to not need that arrangement. But I’m very glad it’s there, and I will reach out to her again in the future if I think that will be helpful.

I agree with @No More - your relationship with your T, and what you’ve been working on, is different to the relationships I have with my Ts. If there are things that are important for you to share with your T? Do that.

But regrets? Pfft! If you can look back and know you did the best with what you had, there’s nothing to regret, just more lessons to learn.

 

[Movingforward10]

would have liked to say thank you for how good her boundaries were, for staring and ending on time, for keeping therapy in session, for making me go out and build other things into my life, for just always being completely appropriate, and rigidly following best practice.

Thanks for sharing @No More . This is a great thing to realise and appreciate.

But I did make sure that we had an agreement that I could I could reach out for more appointments if and when that changes, because she was good at what she did.

Thanks @Sideways . She has said many times that there is always that option. Hoping it won't be needed, but glad it's there.

But regrets?

Yeah, I don't want regrets. Nothing is perfect and I'm sure this goodbye will be 'good enough' to hold any regret.

 

[Friday]

If therapy was in person, I would want to write her a card and give her a gift. It's online so that isn't possible.

Scanners & cameras make a lot of things possible.

 

[somerandomguy]

I have had two trauma therapists who I've finished with.

For the first one, I created an artwork from glue and construction paper as a way of saying thanks.

I still see the second one (though we are not in a client-professional relationship) and I have thanked her many, many times. She has also been able to see me grow from a person barely able to hold their shit together daily into a person who can actually function.

If I was a therapist, I would gladly accept a gift created by a client that meant something special to them. But I would prefer seeing my ex-client thrive, which would be better than any gift.

 

[Movingforward10]

Scanners & cameras make a lot of things possible.

Yeah. I'm thinking of sending her an email with words I would have put in a card.
If only I can find the words!

created by a client that meant something special to them. But I would prefer seeing my ex-client thrive, which would be better than any gift.

I think my T would be the same. If I could have given her a gift in person, I would have gotten her a plant and a card. I'm no good at making things!
But I think she would be much happier with knowing that her client is doing well and that she helped with that client getting there.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's hard trying to find the words to put in a 'card'/email. As I want the thank you to be about her, her skills, her work. Her.
But everything I write, it leads back to me, and then I am putting me back into the thank you.

 

[somerandomguy]

Well, you were the one who did the work, weren't you?

 

[Movingforward10]

Well, you were the one who did the work, weren't you?

Yes.....but...
I'm prob getting this wrong, but I see this thank you similar to how I saw a speech I wrote for a friend's wedding. I had to write the speech a few times so that the focus of all the stories centered my friend in the middle. Because it was easy to center someone else in various bits. And that's what I want to do with this thank you. That it centers her, not me.

 

[somerandomguy]

That's fine, but totally unnecessary. A person could have the world's best T, but if they're just going for an hour a week and not doing anything else for themselves, they just aren't going to get much better.

You did the work. She facilitated it, no doubt. But you did it.

 

[Midnightmoon]

I think your relationship with your T is similar to what I had before, working at depth and with attachment and in relationship is huge and a very different style to the behaviour modification based therapies. I can only imagine how your head is feeling in navigating this, ending is as much work as 'the work'!

If therapy was in person, I would want to write her a card and give her a gift. It's online so that isn't possible. But I'm thinking of writing her an email, but just can't convey what I want to say.

Is this a definite? Have you asked about the possibility of being able to express via card and how you'd go about doing that? I know theres 'stuff' around that but wondered if you'd actually broached the question?

I still have a handwritten bday card from ex T, her handwriting gave me the most powerful feeling of 'togetherness'. (We'll ignore what happened after because that's not exactly fulfilling your question brief!) Are there phrases or words your T uses that you want to be able to keep close to you?