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Hi everyone. Not sure why but I felt it was time to recap the last year or so. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of feelings coming out. Lots of great times, lots of not so great times, and just normal life. I am not sure I completely understand everything that the CPTSD has done to our...

Met with my therapist this weekend alone. She asked me one key question. What is it i want from my wife that she is not giving me? She asked me to think about that and to see if there is anything I am not getting in our relationship that I need. The answer is that there is nothing...

Katz, I have not posted anything since my last entry in 2014. My wife and I have worked very hard together and with a therapist to help both of us to understand ourselves individually and together. We love each other and despite the baggage we both have, we are dedicated to finding the...

My wife was diagnosed with Complex PTSD about a month ago after 28 years of marriage. She kept her abuse to herself all these years. We are at the beginning stages of working through our new reality together. I am a new member as well and this forum has helped me to understand so much...

@Kefira I meant that in a positive way! You have no idea how much those comments speak to me at so many different levels. I am overwhelmed with how fully you disclose to help someone who is struggling with understanding. If only everyone would be so open the world would be a much better...

@Kefira Your honesty is overwhelming.......thank you.

@Solara and @Kefira I understand your message. Setting boundaries needs to be part of how I move forward on my own and it sounds like it will help us as a couple. This has not been the case with us. I am willing to work forward in any way I can. I have a question for both of you and any one...

@Kefira The comments about therapy are well taken. The agreement with our therapist is that we go as a couple every six weeks while my wife attends weekly. Perusing these boards yesterday and listening to everyone here has been immensely helpful. I came from loving parents who gave me...

@Solara can you please explain your comment about what is going on. I can use all the help i can get.

Morning Dove I completely get that my happiness is my responsibility. In the early part of our relationship my wife worked hard to get me to shut down a large part of my emotional self. I did not realize what was going on. The result is that I was stuck ruminating most of the last 28 years...

Thanks Lucycat for the advice. As I said earlier, this is very counter intuitive. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. I have always been a person that takes care of the people I love. I try to insure that my family has what ever they need to move forward in life. I am a...

Ok....so I sat down with my wife tonight and tried to explain to her in a loving way that I need to be able to work through my emotions about all that has happened between us in light of the recent revelations. She does not get it. She is not there yet. My emotions are black or white. I...

Thanks everyone. The comments are reassuring. The multiple perspectives on what her reality is helps more than anything I have read. Books are static, these replies and suggestions are not. I can say that i have NOT understood this well. I am a reasonably bright person but when you...

ghotiff....this does help. She was never heard as a child. She still struggles with feeling that people listen to her. I never understood what she meant until recently. When the abuse started with her mother she went to her father to ask for help. His answer was "don't make your Mother...

Kefira, First of all thank you for your reply. All of these comments are helping me to understand at a much deeper level just how she feels. She struggles explaining things to me. She has a very hard time verbalizing how she feels. It seems at time that she cannot get past the shame and...

Scout 86 this is a profound and helpful answer. What it tells me is that perhaps I am just at the beginning of a journey that my wife and I have to take together. I thought that I understood it but based on your answer I do not. I am responding based on my reality, not the reality of...

I feel that if we love someone we owe it to them to reveal who we are. The point of a loving relationship is finding someone that accepts us for who we are. We are accepted and loved as we exist, not as someone we want to be. That is the point of a falling and staying in love to me. I love...

BeatenMan, I had the same feelings about myself. I let her beat me up, but I fell in love with her at a level I did not know that existed. That love has continued all 28 years. My wife has a side to her that is amazing. Everyone notices it. My children adore her. I have never stopped...

Wow. I did not expect the kind of response that you have given me. The support this community is willing to give is overwhelming in a good way :). I am 59 years old and nothing in my life has prepared me for this. All of the issues relating to this are so counter intuitive. I have...

My wife was diagnosed with Complex PTSD recently. We have been married for 28 years. The reason she has finally taken the step to get therapy is that I suffered an emotional breakdown 7 months ago caused by caustic emotional abuse in the early years of our relationship and her inability to...