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Thank you.

Re more 'spiritual' reasons...yes. I have explored this more than most people I know. I know I keep saying that, but really I have. I have had many deeply profound and life-altering experiences (they were at the time)...I have connected with an energy force so powerful that it coursed through my...

Thanks guys. I had a few awful psychiatry experiences and one rather lengthly and un-impactful talking therapy phase...guess that's why I'm not running around trying to find someone. Also skint. You know. Well the NHS assessor would not put me on their psychotherapy as it was 'not enough' for...

I tend to freak people out as I said. Mostly they realise that there is nothing they can say to help me. This of course is also a challenge to their own philosophies...and I would highly recommend they don't think about it too much as I really would not wish my state of mind on anybody (not...

Nop. Been this way for about a year...gradually getting less and less 'emotional' and more 'practical' about the whole situation. That's why I think I'm on here as I said. I am aware of the seriousness of my calmness. I will go to the clinic before I do anything serious.

Yes I will probably go to a clinic I found that is the only place that I would consider...I think its time. Thanks for the input it is always good to share. I am reading everything you all sent. I identify with a lot of it. Ta.

What people call 'depression' I call 'realism'. I just have seen too much of the garish truth. Of course everyone has to lie to themselves all the time, otherwise we'd all just be like lemmings running over the cliff. That is the problem. 'Reality' (as far as we can know it through our 5 / 6...

Upon reflection I think I know what prompted me to come on here. I am aware that I am closer to suicide than ever before, not because I am more depressed but actually because I am more calm and pragmatic about it...I feel I am approaching some sort of decision and I don't know when it will...

Thanks for the link. That looks really interesting I will go through it. I must force myself not to be fatalistic about it...because i have spent a lifetime looking for meaning, analysing what it is, what it originates from, if it is even real etc etc and it has lead me to nothing (I could write...

I just have no reasons left not to die. It would be different if this was me 10 years ago because then I lived like a hermit in constant fear and anxiety and self-loathing, so one could say I had potential to change...but I have changed. I have been on a crazy journey that cured me of my...