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I'm super tired as I haven't even slept yet- and I still need to respond to your response to me. I will after I sleep, but, I see you struggling to describe that watching porn is not an addiction, etc, that it's more than just having "willpower". I think I know exactly what you mean? It's like...

No, I didn't know all that :) Answers to your questions: 1. Masks? Not that I recall, however one of the more traumatizing events happened at a Halloween party :/ there were really no kids there, just adults, that I can recall. In my memories, I don't see distinguishing facial features, it's...

I don't watch television, it's just if I see a photo online, like an ad for a tv show or movie, or something. And only female robots. Mannequins also freak me out. My fiance is also very interested in the mechanics, the future of AI, etc. He likes this show called "Human" or "Humans", I can't...

Kind of? It's hard to describe. I've been sitting here staring at the screen for a cpl of minutes trying to think of how to articulate it and I just have no words for it, just "feelings"- not the emotional kind, the physical kind. Thanks for asking this question. I think it'd be helpful for me...

I am triggered by tv shows, movies, etc that have human-like robots. Like this whole craze of AI stuff triggers the shit out of me. I get very angry or I shut down.

Yes, that's true- I can recall witnessing things and I'm just standing there, frozen. I cant tell if what i was feeling was shock or fear, probably both, but by the way the memories appear, I was definitely in a dissociative state at the time. I imagine part of the work is accessing the feelings...

Beautifully said.

I haven't been on in a while cuz too much shit is happening but came on today to ask about an unnatural fear and/or trigger and saw your post. I have the same exact symptoms as you: excessive masturbating, using porn as a way to reenact, punishing myself like they did, getting aroused off...

This happens to me in therapy. I will literally not be able to open my mouth, move my lips. I can hear "commands" in my head, like, "say it, just say it!", and I WANT to speak, but I cant move. Sometimes I also hear myself saying, "please help me!", or just full on screaming :/ In reflecting on...

I didn't feel anger for almost 45 years. I still don't always feel anger. I go back and forth. I'll say to someone I hate my dad, but a few weeks ago I told my T I still love my dad. Sometimes I can't look at photos of him because he repulse me, brings a terror in me that immobilizes me, and...

(Excuse the impersonal numbering but, again, I have to :) 1. "I don't know how you manage to keep strong.." lol, for me, if I DID have them I'd be a worse mess. I had one in 1989 and the other in 2001. I used to think, wtf was I thinking having them so far apart (and still do at times ;), but I...

I read this again and the above stuck out. Trauma IS drama Trauma is dramatic Trauma dramatically affects us "Drama" meaning: 2. an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances (I underlined/bolded) Don't let anyone tell you you are "creating" drama. It was...

I've done that as well :) Also what my therapist suggested, and we did in her office, was get a photo of him and tape it to a piece of scrap wood. It was on the floor, and I knelt in front of it with a pair of scissors. I was still as a mouse for the longest time. I couldn't fight my father...

I, too, had a rock bottom. Mine involved getting arrested for a felony. It was pathetic. My life had led me to that day. How sad: a manager at a health insurance company (no college, worked my way up), two cross country moves (literally- from CT to CA, both times), two marriages behind me, two...

Sorry, I had to get my son something to eat :) Ok, so, the reason I had to switch therapists last time is because I had been on disability for 2 years. After 2 years, medicare kicks in. I wanted to continue going to the same (truly) awful therapist. He basically reviewed my bill during our...

I know how you feel. How many times I've told "my story"... its nauseating repeating it time after time. Eventually one gets almost detached from it because it's been repeated so many times. It just occurred to me tho that perhaps the memories stay repressed or get more repressed until we find...

I'm so glad it helped truly. I choked up reading your response. I had just gotten up and the day hadn't set in yet, kids needing stuff, phone calls etc so I wasn't rushed. When I finished I thought- one trait we all (ptsd sufferers) have in common on this board and really it's one of our best...

It's weird cuz I always always remembered my dad touching me. I'd walk by and he'd either grab my ass, my "privates" or squeeze or pinch my chest. I also have always remembered him kissing me in a "yucky" way. I was always always afraid of my father. He was an alcoholic, raging alcoholic but...

Ok, the "two more things" Like I said, I'm 50. When I was 23 I was pregnant and hadn't been to a gyne-o in ages. I went and my pap showed I had "severe dysplaysia". Pre cancerous cells. I was positive I was going to get cancer and die and leave my infant motherless. My friends mother died of...

Cont from above... 4. I've been in many of the same situations that you describe. I had a dr I trusted (a GP), what feels like now, start the grooming process (touch me inappropriately, HIGHLY inappropriately, isolate me in his office, make me sit with him during his lunch, etc), so I...

Writing all this out, so articulately, is a start. We're all glad to see you here! There's alot of info above, but a few things stood out to me/I identify with, so I'll just number them in response, in no particular order: 1. Seeing older people at ptsd group- my thought on that is we all heal...

Thank you for responding, I really appreciate it. You're right... my kids just look at me like I'm truly nuts sometimes and I just wanna say, I'm nuts because...! Or I'm not being a bitch just for the sake of being a bitch, actually I'm really scared rn, yadda yadda... but you're right, they...

My youngest son is 15. He's very sensitive to other ppls moods and very intuitive. If I had a nightmare, flashback, etc, I tell him I had a nightmare, or whatever, and that I can't shake it, so if I'm acting "weird" (distant, sad), this is why. I'm a very high strung person, always have been...

You're response isn't too long!! No apologies necessary. I'm very long winded and apologize for it so I understand, but I don't mind in the least :) 1. Medical students- I understand they need to do this but I HATE it. I would say "no" now, but in the past I hadnt. Specifically, I had a bladder...

I'm sorry to hear all that happened to you, but glad to know your dog survived. I don't think you're over-thinking... it is something that has affected you, something that traumatized you. I think at 12 yrs old, children pretty much think in an insulated way, ie dont think about consequences...