Search results

Ghaaaa. Why won’t she sign? Because she is stupid and lazy that’s why. So hoping this is almost over. I need it to be final to close the last chapter of that book and get started on the next.

Working to establish and enforce more boundaries with the ex.

It’s nice not having to rush home for someone who needs you rather than wants you. I’m not late to appointments, I can decorate how I like, I can go where I please, see who I want, but what I want, pay my bills on time instead of holding them to pay for Mary Kay products. This is freedom. I can...

Got moved into my new apartment!!! It is so refreshing and peaceful. Meeting with a psychiatrist today to work on medication and other stuff.

Well the house is sold. I move into my new place Monday. After all the fees and BS and the lein on the house we split $17,000. ?

Just to clarify I mean I went off as in I took back my power and am not standing for her shot anymore. There was nothing abusive or anything. Just one man standing up for himself and calling a woman on her repeated attempts to manipulate me and try to control the outcome of this divorce and...

Holy shit! I just went off on that bitch. Found my balls!!!

The stbx was forced into helping me pack for the upcoming move tonight. I can’t do a lot for myself right now physically on account of my broken leg. And if she expects to get any money at closing the house has to be ready. After much bitching and complaining and blaming. She also found out...

I used distraction. My go to lately. And I was able to talk myself through who and what I am today. I need to get a psychiatrist lined up. For meds and evaluations of mental/emotional fitness. I met a guy who is a trauma therapist while I was on lock down. He said I could see him after I got...

I had some f*cked up dreams last night about my abuser. Not sure if it was flashback or what but he grabbed me and pushed me up against the kitchen cabinets with his evil beady little eyes glaring at me. When he began to yell at me all I heard was my name and then it got so loud I couldn’t hear...

Ugh migraine tonight. Grrrr

Yesterday was a good day. I met with my old boss from before I went to the hospital and he’s open to hiring back.

Night time is the worst. My mind is all ready to go home from work and see my family, tell them I love them. I’m okay. I’m stable. I’m not in danger. I’m worthy and things will be better soon.

Today is another good day. I got out of the house early this am and got some groceries. I’m okay with myself today. I’m starting to care about life again. I looked at an apartment complex. It’s gonna be pricey to get moved there but it has to happen. I can’t stay here (marital home) much longer...

Called the hotline last night. Was in a very bad place. Today was a better day. I got out of the house for 3 hours to get my hair cut and sub sandwich and some edibles. Wore me out just that little bit. Monkeying with the scooter from my broken leg in and out of Lyft rides. People-ing. Which I’m...

Yes I have PTSD. I think when I lapsed from posting maybe the sight took down my original diary? It’s just that this divorce is what’s right in front of my face. I was hospitalized two months ago for suicidal ideation. Prior to that her biggest concern was the wellbeing of the damn pets in the...

Being married has been my identity. Right or wrong it was my identity. Which is why I’m so paralyzed right now. I put all my eggs in being a great husband. And by extension a great father. Now the one I poured my life into has a plan B. I wish there was some way for her to see how broken I am...

My ex left me b/c she couldn’t stand the cycle; that and she was more in love with god than me. Too bad our vows didn’t include a cycle clause. It’s so hard to think about all the good we had in life and want it to be real again, like it was. I know I’ll have to come to grips with reality soon...

Well the surgery went well and I’m still here. So I got that going for me. Been really trying to examine if I’m over emphasizing a poor me attitude vs accurately assessing my situation. Giving in to my weakness more and undervaluing the capacity I have for strength. I haven’t ever been alone and...

So I’m having surgery in the morning. My tibia bone has to be repaired with pins and plates. I’m going to the hospital alone, I will go through the surgery alone, and I will be sent to hospice b/c I’m alone. All the people I poured myself into for 20 plus years won’t be there for me. Won’t be...

@Kubash16 Thanks. There are days when I do know, mentally. But emotionally relating to what you’re saying about learning my part and owning it? Man - tough stuff.

@ladee is right. The judgement assertation was a leap. I’m coming from a place of parenting. It’s more along the lines of what @Justmehere was saying about my ex mixed with some yeah the universe f”@&ing owes me. I have no judgement on anyone else’s coping. I’m saying for me as a parent there...

I’ve been practicing radical acceptance since before my discharge. But come on. How much shit can a person take? I don’t do drugs, don’t drink to excess, don’t gamble and I don’t turn to women to deal. Never have. All classic coping skills for ppl in less rough of a situation than me; and then...

Why is all this happening all at the same time? I had a rocky start to this year. It’s turning out even rockier. I haven’t posted in a while. Been too busy distracting myself from reality. I’ve been suicidal. Been to the psych hospital and a follow up program there. Lost my job b/c of the time...

So the first meeting was not terrible. My sissy went with me! It was very informal and low key. It actually turned into a temporary orders hearing on the spot and we conferenced about who’s going to pay what and when. I did lose my composure a little emotionally in the courtroom when the judge...