Search results

I’m hyper-vigilant, paranoid, mistrustful, nihilistic, misanthropic, pessimistic, agitated, enraged, weepy, self-pitying, hopeful and motivated. Usually on the same day if not in the same week. When it’s bad I punch myself in the face, destroy my own property and smoke copious amounts of weed to...

Scotch and soda.

My soul is tired and hurt. I feel exhausted and have come to really despise people who keep throwing “go lift brah” in my face as some kind of exercise panacea.

Went on a date this week. It was nice. Need to cut back on weed again. Getting a bit much. I have too many books to read and have reached a point where I literally can’t pick one to read. It drives me nuts. I still don’t trust anyone.

Poison by Reks. Great rapper.

Finding out I have to explain my entire story yet again to my disability company who now want a second opinion. New Dr. Same story. Next week is going to be a challenge. Really rude people at the mall. Unreal.

I have trouble with the connotation of wounded, which to me sounds like a flesh would. I’m broken. Not wounded. Then again I detest all this PC labelling nonsense. I’m mentally ill. No point in sugarcoating it. I also equally dislike victim or survivor, which always struck me as either two sides...

I’ve tried but it lacks that sick pathological need for pain I also feel. And I’m not even a masochist at all. I don’t like pain. But the agitation seems to subside faster if I can hurt myself. Sad. Perhaps the pain is just a distraction?

My career My ability to work with kids which was my life’s joy My marriage, more than likely My ability to feel joy To trust others Turning what I thought was going to be simple lifelong introversion and a touch of cool eccentricity into a solitary hermit existence where I punch myself and stay...

Advil for my aching, pummeled face.

When you spend more time thinking of reasons to leave a social situation than you do in the actual situation.

Consciousness.

Yeah I talked to my Dr and he agreed to stop now. Wish me luck.

This will never end. I’ll never feel love again. Or even human touch. Abilify is a horrific drug My therapist is the most patient human I’ve ever known How much longer will I keep punching myself before I do serious harm? It’s not a good day. And no one gets it.

First post for a few months. Hello to everyone. I started taking Abilify in November and I’m at 4mg pd now which I know is not a significant dose. Recently I’ve been feeling very angry and agitated. After some research I discovered akathisia. I was more worried about tardive dyskenisia (sp?)...

I can’t do it to my mother, even though she is responsible for most of the shit that got me here.

That I’m considering suicide more and more and the fear of it is becoming less and less of a deterrence. I don’t even know why I’m alive. I’ve been rediagnosed with CTPSD recently and the one symptom I cannot shake is my lust for revenge on my old boss who destroyed me in so many ways...

Someone to treat me like a human being.

Like someone said above, destroyed.

Nothing. Sad as it sounds. No good occurred today.

Will likely never trust anyone again.

Just being alive.

My meds. My pharmacy delivery sucks balls.

I’m almost thankful I was a degenerate alkie as a teenager and have lost all taste for booze. I can’t even imagine being drunk and having PTSD lol. Weed is my medicine. Do you blaze as well? Highly recommend as a substitute.

Radiohead. Arcade Fire. Led Zep. U2. Tori Amos. Bowie. Rush. Van Halen. Massive Attack. Underworld. Stones.