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I am done talking. It only makes me feel even more lonely and awful. Please leave me alone and just let me keep my record here. That's all that this is for now.

See, this is why I can't talk to people. Why is it not okay to start putting together pieces of what's been going on and decide that my initial assessment of the situation may have been wrong? And my medical knowledge did not come about suddenly. I used to be a f*cking biologist before...

I've decided that I need to keep a journal of all the weird health issues I've been having since I moved in with Dan. Actually, I probably should've started this a long time ago, but I really didn't think it could be him. I thought I was being paranoid. So, I'm going to use this thread for...

I'm not supposed to talk. I'm defective. I took all kinds of diagnostics. I took an AQ test and a couple different RAADS tests. All of them said I'm defective. I stim, I'm too interested in weird things, I walk on tiptoes because I can't stand the feeling of my feet on the floor, people...

If I don't do anything, maybe he'll kill me. This is his brother: Munt charged with first-degree murder He has a gun. He showed me it was loaded and threatened to kill me and himself before. I told the police. They came with the ambulance when he poisoned himself because I tried to talk to...

No. I don't know if it's safe. And he said I don't get to wear clothes anymore.

Thank you. Really not okay.

I'll be going to the ER soon. I was advised to call 911 and get police and paramedics here. They said they can take me to the hospital and collect evidence. I know I'm severely malnourished at this point, and I'm worried he's poisoning me. If you dose someone with Warfarin it can make them...

The headache and light sensitivity has gotten a little better, but I'm still having quite a bit of vertigo. Also, my sense of smell is really heightened. I just cut up a cucumber, and it was glorious. I'm not sure that should still be happening, though.

It's a migraine. It's the worst migraine I've ever had, but it's just a migraine. Evidently, they can screw with your ability to process language and make you feel stoned or like you're having a stroke if the aura is severe enough. I've drank half a pot of coffee so far, and it's getting...

Words are better now, but there's a black halo around the world and my eyelashes are made of light. Everything inside the halo is very sharp. I can see the printing dots on my chocolate foil. I've never seen those before. I feel stoned, but I haven't smoked anything stoney. I just woke up...

And headache yes spinning.

No, is not. Tried for talking no understanding. Not ok. Dan home. Not safe.

Poison this do? Eyes of much mucous and not for thinking right and much much cold. Much tired is also. Not for taking things only woke up this way. Head is pain also. For dizzy. Called dad but not for back calling yet. Wrong is very very strange. Poison?

Hah! Maybe that's why my eyes have been bleeding. It's my game. One of the two POV characters is Lucifer, and I keep making jokes to myself about how the Devil is my homie now. Maybe he heard me, and I've got stigmata in my eyeballs.

But she had things she wanted. I don't anymore. Now, I don't dream of places I want to see. I don't have things I want to do. Nothing means anything at all if you're locked up inside a little bubble and you can never tell anyone or share anything and you are entirely alone forever. A few...

I would love to talk. I just don't want every conversation to go straight to 'You need to leave! Do this now!' No. Even if I got out at this point, I couldn't survive. I'm not functional anymore. At all.

There aren't any numbers to call. I had notebook pages filled with numbers. No one at any of those numbers will do anything to help. The women's center is the only real supposed resource here, and they're a scam. They just take people's information so it looks like they have people they're...

It's not figurative. Sometimes it stops for a few hours during the day, until he comes home, but as soon as he comes in it starts again. I don't usually wake up until about two in the afternoon because I can't sleep very well, and he gets home around six. I'll cry for awhile after I wake up...

I wake up everyday with tears streaming down my face. I can't stop crying anymore. I even cry all night in my sleep. But this morning, there was blood in my tears. It wasn't a lot, and I'm pretty sure it's just being caused by irritation. My body isn't supposed to have to cry all day, every...

I won't get raped here. He hasn't touched me in two years. He invited me to move in then he started acting all effed up as soon as I did. He hasn't touched me since then. He puts a pile of pillows in the middle of our bed so I don't ever get near him. He wouldn't touch me. I disgust him...

I'm in the US, but the police said the only place for me to go is a homeless shelter. I talked to someone when my torturer was abusing me who said that she was raped there. It isn't safe. Why is he doing this to me? Why is leukemia my fault? Why do I deserve to have him hurt me? I don't...

I wish I was in Czechia. I have known people from eastern Europe and they're the most wonderful caring people I've ever met in my life. My neighbor has family there and said the same thing. I'm not there now. I just really want to go there. People are less cold and apathetic than most...

I'm allowed to go where ever I want, supposedly. I'm just too scared. I haven't left here in months. I don't even go to the store anymore. And I don't have money. That comes from him. Hey, if he didn't wake me up and called me in sick to work all the time and tried to push me to work at a...

I am, and he woke up, but he's not as vicious right now. I think I'm safe. Maybe.