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lately back into the phase of waking up after about 4 hrs after falling asleep no matter what i take, unless it’s too sedating and that level of sedating is triggering and leaves me with serious derealization for like the whole day upon waking. when i wake up my trauma seems activated but i...

yes i was honestly going to make a post about my “body” problem and saw this at the top. tactile comforts like cuddles with my cat are not enough at this pt. i have this deep sense of abjection like i need to throw up my insides, like my entire insides, and clean the walls and start over.

i’m reading some short horror stories by Brian Evenson, a book called Song for the Unraveling of the World

nightmares about my CSA, nightmares about my abusive ex, nightmares about the political situation in the US, nightmares about work, inscrutable nightmares. just… nightmares.

nevermind sorry.

this sounds really similar to me, the losing myself and grasp on reality, so that i feel absolutely insane. my reality feels very tenuous. my reality and my body and all of it is like, undulating and feels fragile. i do have a therapist who is open to out of session contact. i have some...

“i don’t know how i lived” is the phrase, just by itself. how did we live? how do we live now? with all of this? it helps to talk to people who have experienced this kind of flooding from the depths and survived it. yes i think i was reliving it and also re-enacting it in many ways my whole...

yes that sounds similar. it is helpful to hear that the pain was worth it. i feel similarly about it, like if i “get it out” then healing can happen, it is throwing up waves of poison, like i just want to get it all up and out. i just wonder if one day i will get swept away in the tsunami, since...

some of you may remember some of my other posts about my flashbacks. they are getting worse, and i am wondering if i am on the edge of something potentially (psychically) dangerous. i was hoping to check in with others who have had amnesia for CSA, as this is a unique experience. the abuse...

it sounds like she doesn’t know what she’s doing yet, and you probably don’t want to be her first pancake. i would also not work with someone who claimed they specialized in DID without any specialized training courses, which it sounds like she couldn’t have at this point in her career. imo that...

yes, it did not help me. but it clearly helps many people.

i'm not completely sure. at times it feels like a re-enactment of the trauma, like being a good girl and lying down for it. and then i freeze there. but i also feel like... in therapy i said to my parts that i would like to know what happened to them, and what they felt, and if that's what is...

i’m not gonna make a new post for this, but this is an unfolding situation: does anyone have flashbacks that last hours? i feel like this is happening to me. i was in bed for 3 hours waiting for the tactile sensations and (inside brain only) images to stop and they didn’t. they are not one...

oh maybe i will buy some playdough tomorrow, that sounds nice. drawing too. i feel icky like full of slime.

💜 it is late here so she is asleep. she is trying to help. but i’m still in this liminal place between believing and disbelieving.

i have had phantom sensations (“somatic flashbacks”) in the past but not like this and i can’t describe how disturbing it is to feel a sex act i have never done. (and then see it. and who.) my therapist assures me i’m not psychotic but i feel so truly crazy.

this is so bad. really bad. i can’t believe this is happening and happened to me. my skin is crawling. it could have been hundreds of times.

(i’m not sure if this is the best forum for this or if it belongs in the Dissociation one, sorry)

has anyone experienced very bad vulvodynia or genital pain when dealing with CSA flashbacks? i have been in treatment (both specialist and physical therapy) for pelvic floor pain and unwanted persistent arousal for years now, with low success, but it has really never been this bad. the area...

thanks. it feels a lot as you describe. the fatigue is noticeable because i’m usually very restless and trapped, don’t like staying in bed too long, hate even staying home too much because i get cabin fever, so i always keep moving. or working. i just always have to “get out.” but all of a...

thanks for responding. i’m sorry it happened to you. i want to deal with it. i know i have to because i have seen perpetually avoided childhood trauma actually slowly kill members of my family (both abused by this same person, actually). but it is crazy-making and i am already so tired out from...

i made a trauma diary about this, but basically it feels like some big stuff from childhood is coming into awareness. it’s been years coming, and now it feels clearer and more real what actually happened. i’m at a loss because i feel so crazy and overwhelmed by what is happening to me. i could...

i rarely just stop doing things (or trying and failing to do things), but i do go through long periods of profound numbness and disconnection from the world, in that i do do things and feel a vague motivation but i feel no connection to anything i'm doing or attachment to what i'm doing or...

i’m so sorry about your dog. losing my cat sent me into a serious depression also. i hope you can get out of it. it’s so hard.

i really wish to, but i don’t think so.