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I have to really thank you @Ronin and @Rainman8772 for getting me to think and gain some perspective. I will certainly get back to this but getting my life together in terms of work and you know the usual daily stuff is something I should make a priority, as t says. I will also try to avoid...

First of all thanks for the suggestions. But let me share what I'm thinking now. So now that I thought about it I think the reason my therapist doesn't want to get into this too deep is that I have extremely high cognitive capacity and tend to easily overthink in a way that it becomes a major...

Thanks for the suggestions. Though of course I will de-escalate verbally (which we also did train) if I'm not in complete survival mode. I would do that in any case if I have any mindful thought left in me, and might do that even in survival mode (it's just impossible to know for sure). But...

Yes good that you pointed it out, those were really important points.

Yes I forgot to add that. I'm sorry but I have an intense workday and am not able to fully think my replies through. I'm not afraid of responding completely unpropotionally, what I was trained to do is to neutralise the threat, not e.g. kill someone. Yes I know how to do the latter, but it's not...

Well, yes you are absolutely correct, and I wasn't clear enough. But if it's absolute full flight or fight and no control at all, then it's no longer my responsibility in legal and other senses the way I see it. I mean our laws here clearly state that if you are threatened with severe violence...

It's been like over half a year since I posted this, just wanted to get back to this. I did still get thoughts like what I described when I got angry but in reality I don't think I would have acted violently except in self-defence, since things have started to repair themselves. But yeah...

Oh man! Counter-phobia is exactly what I have in so many areas! I just didn't know the word for it! I mean it has gotten better in many ways, but I always have a need to sort of put myself in the traumatic situation again, usually just through my imagination or at times I have definitely done...

Hey thanks for very insightful replies! First of all, I do not currently practice martial arts so there's no instructor to talk to. And Ronin is right - it can't be fully undone, maybe some parts will improve over time or maybe not, but it's not necessary after all... Because I had a walk...

Hi everyone, Generally I'm doing really well nowadays but there's one thing that bothers me a bit and I have difficulty finding information on the subject. So I would like to know if anyone here has experiences on this or knows where I could find information. I think I will bring this up with...

Hey thanks for the replies. I have been mostly on another forum that's focused on sexual abuse and assault. Made the decision to come back here though now for various reasons, though I do not spend that much time in forums anymore (since I don't need that much support anymore and am trying to...

About nine months ago I finally got into therapy. My t has told me she considered me pretty much a hopeless case when we first met, it seemed like my schizoaffective disorder I developed when I was 18 had become chronic (which alone would mean no hope of significant recovery), I was an addict...

I have been able to build self-worth in a way, but deep down I still hate myself. I can look at my accomplishments and good qualities and be proud of them and actually feel like I am worth something, but this only works in a sort of a superficial level. Deep down I still hate myself, but...

I decided to come back here so I just want to let ppl know I got this sorted out (since I was in pretty big distress and might have caused some alarm with this post), turns out I had been calling the wrong unit of the clinic (where they said they cant help me). Its like one clinic but its split...

No I really don't in the end, I think I just needed to open up somewhere, it really helped. I apologize in case there needs to be some kind of concrete question involved. I have spoken with the t and maybe we can figure this out.

Hi everyone, First of all, I think I'm making sense but apologies if its hard to grasp what I'm trying to tell, because I'm having pretty heavy dissociative symptoms right now (and English isn't my native language). Its a while since I posted here. Things have gone in a great direction, at...

Okay this is all definitely denial in work. Now that I started to question all of my recovered memories and since the memory suppression is directly related to my dissociative symptoms - now I'm kind of starting to think that I never even had dissociation (which would mean that all my memories...

Yeah you're absolutely right. Thinking about it now, I did a lot of work myself on the "less serious" traumas like the school bullying (which is serious trauma now that I think about it, it was very physical and I feared for my life) so thats probably why nowadays its the sexual abuse that...

Very wise words. You basically wrote exactly what I have been thinking about, but what I have been having serious difficulties in accepting. First of all, what triggered all this in the first place was that when I had been feeling safe and more present and connected to myself for a couple of...

I don't know what kind of paraphilia you are dealing with, but especially sexual abuse can cause distortions in sexuality which can I think can be effectively treated by treating the underlying trauma. Especially male survivors may struggle for example with thoughts of hurting other people...

I have to say, in my country, the psychiatrist in general have from zero to very little understanding of trauma. I have a lot of friends with mental health issues, many of whom clearly have ptsd, and haven't heard of anyone getting the diagnosis of ptsd from a psychiatrist in my country. I...

I actually developed some definitely false memories during the psychosis (I'm told this is very typical and does not mean that any other memories would necessarily be false). They don't feel real, never did, they are not very realistic, and FIRST AND FOREMOST, I never had any trauma symptoms...

Hi to everyone, I am new here. Sorry for a long post but I really needed to open up about this. So the thing that is bothering me at the moment (like most of the time) is that i keep questioning and questioning whether my memories are real. The thing is, when I first became aware that I indeed...