Search results

I guess you're right. It doesn't feel worth it though, and i can't see how my life could ever be beautiful. I try really hard but it just feels unrealistic. That's the problem i guess. Even if im wrong. Thank you <3 Im glad you think im expressing myself "brilliantly", i always feel like i...

I just feel like even if i get better it won't be enough. And that my abuser pretty much ruined me and there is no way of me functioning in a healthy or normal way again. I definitely feel like the mental effects of the abuse are irreversible and because of them i can never be happy again. It...

Give him an ultimatum? Either he stops acting like an idiot or you leave. What he is doing is abusive.

Yeah i do and i've mentioned it but she didn't seem to know much about dreams or she just didn't think it was very important. She's not a trauma specialist thought, on the waiting list for that.

Ugh i hate it. It's so confusing and invalidating. But at least we're not alone in this.

Sorry i totally forgot to reply to this cuz im dumb lmao. Yeah i actually read some of your diary during the time that this post was getting absolutely no response. And it made me feel a little better knowing that someone else had a similar experience, as bad as that sounds. If you don't mind...

God i hope so. Thank you <3

The thing is though, i didn't really have good times with my ex. Especially not sexually. I never enjoyed it. I think the confusion comes from not realizing it was abuse or "assault" until months later. For every sexual encounter i was dissociating, uncomfortable and in pain. Certain bodily...

Yeah maybe my brain is just trying to normalize and rationalize it. It still f*cking sucks when you wake up though. Probably very stress related like you're saying as well.

Usually the first few sessions are pretty make or break for me. I'd imagine most people take longer to form a connection though.

My gooood. I'm so glad im not alone in this haha. Yeah it's really horrible, it makes me question my feelings about him and drives me crazy. I wonder wth it means.

Yeah for sure. Good riddance to him but OUCH.

Wow that's terrible. I'm sorry you had to endure that but it sounds like it taught you a lot. Always a silver lining i suppose... The thing with my friend is that i feel like he understood. He reacted as if he did. He definetly understood the part about it affecting me in a horribly negative...

I'm really upset atm. I had this friend who i was really close to, especially before the breakup with my abusive ex. And a while after the breakup i basically told him that if he was still gonna associate with my ex i couldn't be around him anymore for a while, possibly ever. I just couldn't...

I don't have bipolar but i have Social Anxiety Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Dysphoria. They're definetly co-morbid and feed off each other like crazy. When i first was diagnosed with Social Anxiety it took me a while to realize that it was cause by BDD which i was then diagnosed with...

I've felt like this on occasion. Today is particularly bad. Other times im 100% sure my PTSD and trauma is real. For me i feel like the abuse wasn't actually abuse and the diagnosis doesn't apply to me. Like im using it as an excuse to be depressed and suicidal. Not sure why i would want that...

Men are generally trash unfortunately. Focus on other things.

I feel exactly the same. At anytime he could come back and destroy me again. It feels like the only reason he doesn't is because im a waste of time/not worthy?! Which is f*cked up in it's own right. Either way none of it makes sense. I really do get the feeling though.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I can't imagine how difficult it is. Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? Because in a situation like yours it's really easy for professionals to confuse PTSD with Complicated Grief Disorder and vice versa. It could be worth looking into, im sorry i can't...

Ain't that sweet humanity? Your love becomes your enemy ~

I know i just need to be a bit more stable. My therapist doesn't wanna start treatment until im a little less suicidal lmao...

Yeah i don't really expect it to be an easy journey. Kind of reluctant to start treatment though, i feel like it might be too triggering. That will be the next goal i suppose. So glad i found you guys and this forum! :)

I've had a lot of nightmares recently, most of them seemingly unrelated to the trauma or my abuser. Just like random really awful dreams. Usually involving the death of a loved one. Not sure if this is related to PTSD in any way or just stress secondary to PTSD? Idk it's confusing. The dreams...

Alright, I'll keep that in mind.

Lmao after the breakup with my ex i chopped most of my hair off. Impulsive as hell but i am very pleased with the result so whatever.