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I am here 3 years after my last post, I have read through the 'during period' at the height of my CPTSD issues within the police. Here now I made the decision to leave, medical retired 18 months ago and now I am on a new journey. I am not cured but I have built a new life where the condition...

We are a week on from this incident and I can say that Court went very well I had a taste of this arena and was fully engaged to be honest, I enjoyed this really well to be honest. I miss the buzz of an investigation to be fair but i now default looking at this concept on the mountain top. I do...

Here we are 6 weeks ago there has been progress with Chloe and she has been getting alot better to be honest. Several things and referrals have been ongoing of which I am extremely proud all of the time now. I can see that this is a really good thing. Personally the tablets I am 8 weeks into...

SO with this i returned to work and the things in the house got heated on Wed, when chloe kicked off and is in sin bin, It has bene agreed that she will stay in her room for a while and we invoke discipline. I can see that i have bene accused of not being a good parent and letting things...

so here I am 3 weeks on and what a change around My wife of 11 years has decided to tell me 4 months later - there has been a negative feeling in the house so she was going to the gym coming home later because she did not want to come home - she has been drained by me , she cant support me...

I have not wrote on her in quite a while, my problems at home have reached a fever pitch and then they have dropped of to be honest. They have now , settled , i have begun to emotionally remove myself from the relationship. I am alot stronger than i have been to honest, i underestimated how...

I have realised that this is the last time, I have been smashing the last week to keep busy but I have to maintain things at home while the chaos unfolds. There will a chat at some point with the appropriate time, I have to respect and preparing myself if she does not want to be with me anymore...

So since I have last wrote here i have now discovered that alot of the self issues i had around my good lady I am comparing ie today with the peak 6 years ago. This is an impossible scenario, she has changed I have changed, there is no way that I can compare the two times because we have both...

a great summary We cant control what others think We cant control what others believe We cant controls other peoples actions We cant control how others feel We cant guess how people are feeling We do not have control over the other person and we should never let this ruin our own mental...

So i have been reaching out to a few of my friends closest and been keeping me supported while I am going through the issues at home, I feel that talking about things really gives a better prespective of things and really does clarify things. I feel that I am confident in myself and my self...

I am feel so alone in my own house when she is around, my children and me are fine, When she comes home i feel alone, she definately drains the energy when she is present but I dont allow this I block this thought and concentrate on me and the greater story my ongoing story and promise to help...

So here i sit now to be honest one eye slightly swollen with the hayfever which is now present!!! I hate it!!! Any how I have just finished my 8th week at work woo hoo that has gone quick. The job does challenge my ADHD mind slightly and my responsibility is ever so slightly increasing to be...

So I have completed my 6th week at work , so far so good. In the 6 weeks I have bene here there has not been one trigger in work. Two weeks ago I have a trigger at home to a new related trauma this happened in the morning before work. With this I used coping strategies and seemed to work...

I have been in work for 3 days and there has been no triggers, phased return, this has been a completely different job to what I have been used to but will be for the better. I have been a good place with work but only going in for the few ours has caused me to be tired later in the evening...

So one day before I start worl I look at my wage slip again and have been paid 40% less , so the agreed terms of being retained on full pay have not been passed onto the Payroll again !! Arrgggggggggggg - they never get anything right even when I return to tomorrow , oh well time to fasten my...

So I went in for a meeting at work today and found my new role. I met the supervisor and the staff, I am glad I made the decision mostly for my mental health. I feel that a break away from the frontline will be amazing for me and this will massively reduce the risk / exposure to any PTSD...

I have got myself in a good place at the moment in time and feel that now I am in the best position for this new role. At the back of my mind I am quite scared of a relapse but I cant let this fear dominate my life to be honest, I have to perceiver and push forward. I have made space now to...

With this role I will be removed from the front line , no public contact and case files in this case. I will be mainly admin and this is the best chance for me to stay within the working environment. I am under no illusion that at the moment there is no definitive guarantee i will be free from...

So here i am writing this just a day short of going off sick 7 months previously!! I was thinking that my PTSD symptoms has been quiet for a while with no triggers!! So on tuesday I smashed a 17 mile canal run which is part of my training package for an upcoming 60 mile ultra. Quietly...

I have been given my grant for ADHD coaching and over 10 days on the new diet and massively reduced caffine are working really well at the moment. The coaching will assist me to settle back in work. I can see that also work have now recognised PTSD as disability and the thoughts of not being...

So Here we are 7 days caffine free with no cups of coffee, I can honestly that I have noticed a massive difference. My anxiety level has reduced and give me a lower baseline. My patience has grown as well and I am feeling more relaxed at the moment. I was feeling flat yesterday for a while but...

So after trying the stimulant ADHD medication I have decided to come off after 3 days. The medication had a strong effect on my body and I can say that I found this quite scary not to be in control of my body. The side effects were immense and the come down was very bad , immediate crash and...

So here I am 21 months from my mental breakdown, I have started stimulated medication for my ADHD. So far concentration , focus , irratability has improved. Alot of the ADHD symptoms overlap with PTSD. I can only think if I started this medication several months ago the PTSD journey would have...

So one week on from my force doctor and Psychiatrist I have decided to give medication a go for ADHD , I am in a good place mentally at the the moment in time. I am going to start them on Friday and agreed if they improve the quality of my life this is great if not I will come off them. So...

Today I write this exactly one month from my last entry in this case!! I have seen my psychiatrist who did my initial diagnosis and he is very pleased with the progress and has stated I have been in the high percent of patients with recovery. With this I have pencilled in a return to work on...