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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Hope4Now" data-source="post: 1167418" data-attributes="member: 24896">Finally, I am moved back into my house. I haven't been on this Forum much. I have kind of a love-hate relationship with the Forum. I suppose some parts of me love and appreciate the friends I've made here, while other parts are deeply frightened of all I have revealed here, and still others are angry at the time I have spent poking around people's posts when I ought to be doing other things.Mostly I have shifted my energy to writing on paper and drafting my book, doing art, and engaging in spiritual practices. The book and art are slow going. The three month trial on seroquel sunk me. No motivation to do anything at all. Exhausted all the time. I decided to go off of it. Took a break from meds for around six weeks or so, I think. Now I have begun a trial of low-dose lithium in addition to the 1200 mg. of Gabapentin that I've been on for just about a year. I know I need something to slow my brain down to the speed of my one aging body. I do not believe I have bipolar disorder on top of the DID and fibromyalgia, as mostly nothing in the descriptions of it match my experience. I believe what's happening to me is a constant battle of parts to take control of my executive function, and that is why my head always feel like it is going to explode with thinking and why my nervous system is in chaos. My behavior in the regular world certainly does not look like bipolar. And I don't have the kind of thinking or experiences that are described in most of the literature, other than occasional euphoric experiences when I am meditating. Anyway, I am hoping that perhaps this medicine will help calm things down so that I can do the therapeutic work I need to do more effectively. We shall see. I am on Day 2. Neurons are neurons, and their pathways are constructed in particular ways that need to be changed. Whether this is due to bipolar or DID maybe doesn't really matter.</blockquote>

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