Recent content by beansj

I don’t know how to delete this or I would. Horrible

Not sure why I’m writing here. I don’t want this job. I didn’t come to argue whether I’m rational or irrational. I can’t function and I can’t find help. That’s why I wrote this here.

I should have said “I did it all” I’m not doing anything currently. Extreme flashback almost 3 weeks now. Can’t even sleep more than 4 hours. And when I was doing everything? I would’ve happily walked off a cliff. No, I’m not exactly working full time. In exchange for dealing with...

Trying to work full time while doing trauma therapy in an IOP setting is a false starting point, IMO. Even if you forced it to somehow work from the scheduling, your brain and body are never going to be able to handle the schedule of IOP trauma therapy plus full time work at the same time...

Called all the IOPs the last two weeks after my close girl friend blindsided me. None will work. I tried therapists and psychiatrists, they betrayed me for the most part too. Dozens of treatments. No more friends. Abusive family stalking me. Since my friend blindsided me I’m having massive...

i think your friend is not handling it well. If she feels bad, stop stringing you along. I feel bad when people don’t respond to me because usually they are ghosting me. I have abandonment issues. But then again I’m bad at texting sometimes because I could be having a massive flashback I...

Writing back. I hope you are doing ok.

If your post is a mess, such is trauma. I'm a mess right now too and drinking. I think my story is close to yours - in emotion, if not in action. My dad worked 120hr weeks in Wall Street. Financially successful. Parents taught core values. Mom is type 1 bipolar. Raising 3 kids basically...

hey. can i ask, what did you replace alcohol with? I didn't drink, but now that i am, i am completing more work tasks i must have had a mental barrier with. i bet i'm also embarassing myself - maybe. I used to be really "confident" but all "confidence" was for me was not caring if I looked...

As bad as it is, I feel like if I had friends and a support network I wouldn’t need to do this. Maybe the root cause is my job and quitting will fix it. But my therapist after 17 months (who also somewhat traumatized me by saying this) told me that quitting my toxic job wouldn’t help me...

background checks in my field are intense and “mental stability” is a huge deciding factor in these official checks. Yes, showing you’re actively getting treated can bolster your case, but I’m running into a few mental blocks 1) unofficially, the stigma at the office is very negative. Two...

Thanks. I don’t think I could do an inpatient program. Maybe I’m rationalizing but these things would derail the career I once cared deeply about. I could afford to take year(s) off work, but again, this would derail my career and while it may be great for my mental health it would be...

“The most helpful program for me, though, was an inpatient program I did at a trauma unit. That changed the game a lot. And I repeated the program several times (which most of their patients did). I would (and will) go back to it if I get sick again.” What kind of program? What made it...

If you have been to different IOPs, does that imply you’ve relapsed ? I hope I’m not asking to much please tell me to stop if I need. If it’s okay can you share more? Did they help much, are they flawed, are there other better programs? Did they lead you to remission for a while?

I think everybody including you underestimates how dysfunctional I am in certain ways. It’s not a dig. Just that the advice people give it seems like it assumes a certain baseline competency or capability in an area. I am exceptionally capable in certain ways, I bet as a desperate measure...