Recent content by Briellewannabe

Things are difficult and it sucks. I'm not sleeping well, I'm having horrible nightmares and intrusive thoughts. The suicidal desires and the self-harming have also intensified. I've been seeing my therapist for 2.5 years now and she keeps saying she sees improvement, that I'm more aware and can...

Yes, that's a good way to put it-- a comfort thought process. From time to time it might get more real, and I make inventory of all the options available to me, but not as a direct plan. Honestly, the couple times I've attempted I had not planned to... whatever I was battling in that moment took...

Oh my god I'm not the only one. I genuinely thought everyone had suicidal thoughts/fantasies all the time. It was so strange to hear that people don't regularly fantasize about ending it whenever stressed or down. For me, they also began as a child. They were not always just thoughts or...

I feel exactly the same way. I can't remember not feeling it. I've been depressed with suicidal thoughts since I was 5. 20 years and several therapists and dozens of medications later... nothing has changed. I think I've given up on a better for me. I'm trying to be okay that I live only so...

I so appreciate your posts, Suzetig!!! You have no idea. I imagine my process will be somewhat similar. I have the exact feeling you describe, of thinking your T was saying those lies to let you off the hook. That's what I'm really struggling against now.

Hi Butters, I stopped EMDR after about 5-6 sessions because it appeared to be making things worse. Although after session 3-4 my T dialed it down a lot, overall EMDR seemed to increase my anxiety and increase my suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately for me it just wasn't helpful.

Suzetig, thank you so much for your post. That was incredibly encouraging. I'm really bad at challenging myself, so hopefully that is something that gets worked on in therapy. Ooops. Sent that too soon. Sorry. Suzetig, just thanks. I really appreciate your share. And Bristol, I'm sorry...

The focus of my therapy is shifting and it is making me a little uncomfortable, though probably in a good way... though it doesn't feel like it. I have never hated or blamed the men who abused me. I don't in any way like them either. I was sexually abused by a neighbor from ages 4-6. I didn't...

Hi Hithere, I haven't found the switch yet. The thoughts are still very much here and intrusive, but not as overwhelming as they were the day I posted this. I've been able to try and distract myself with work trainings and my grad school program, though with a lot of mini breakdowns along the...

Thank you, Freida. Thanks for the suggestion. The last time I did this and they still were able to locate me and send the police. I told them I didn't have a plan or any intent, but I also told them by thoughts, and I guess that was enough.

I have some very extreme suicidal thoughts right now but feel like I have no where to turn. Partly because I don't want help, but the other part is because I've run out of people to help. In times like this, when the thoughts are out of control, I've in the past called my therapist or a...

Hello. No, she's not. I don't currently have health insurance so I can't afford anyone else. She's a really good T, but she's also an intern (she's almost credentialed now) and allows me to pay what I can when I can. I'm not too worried about freaking out my T--I just don't want to do...

Hello everyone. First off, thanks for all the support I received on my last post. I took the consensus' advice and have continued to see my therapist. It's been going fairly well, surprisingly, though I feel like we're both not sure what to do now. That's what brings me here today. I don't...

I text my T about scheduling mostly. She checks in with me sometimes via text (though she usually calls instead). She also sends me resources via text. During particularly bad weeks she might have me send her my mood on a daily basis. I can also text her if I'm having a bad day and she'll...

You guys are right... this is on me. I don't know why I reached out to my therapist... I think partly it's because it felt like that's what I'm supposed to do (I grew up in a really controlling house, where obedience was key. I think just my therapist telling me to call her when it was rough...