Recent content by feetfirst

I definitely feel that way sometimes. I committed to having minimal expectations of him for a year, beginning in July, so he could get through his stomach cancer treatments before making any decisions about our relationship. Chemo definitely intensifies PTSD symptomatology. Now that he's been...

Yeah, that's the tricky part...

Yes. Many Sufferers have described being contacted during this time as extending the period they need to be alone. Let him come back to you when he's calmed down and can again have you in his life. When he's stressed and needs alone time, he'll likely need to be completely alone, without...

I too have thought about this exact topic. Multiple times I've considered creating a thread. There does seem to be a stereotype of the typical Sufferer/Supporter of PTSD relationship. It's a topic I'd love to explore further, especially in terms of attachment styles and how to work toward a...

Welcome to being involved with someone with PTSD. You'll never survive unless you learn not to take it personally. His difficulty talking with you and having you in his life is something almost all of us Supporters deal with regularly. What sucks the most is the closer you become, the more...

If I was your Supporter, I'd want your honesty. Support means helping to reduce, not increase, your stress level. It's not very supportive or fair to you or her to put yourself in a situation where you're having to grin and bear it every time you get together. I'd strongly suggest being...

@Link Removed Obviously I'd prefer him not to be dying in the next six months, but even if he is, it wouldn't change the way I treat him. I'm not one to think that death is a horrible thing to be avoided at all costs. I've had a DNR/DNI in place since my mid-40's (I'm 52). He knows I'm not...

I don't think S realizes the degree of privacy he requires at times is very stressful for me. I'm trying to understand what might be going on in his head to create such an extreme need for privacy and to figure everything out alone. When I hear Sufferers explain what's going on in their head...

I know having him talk to another woman is distressing to you, but it may actually be de-stressing to him. It can be difficult for Sufferers to share their feelings with those closest to them, because of the level of intimacy and vulnerability involved. It sounds counterintuitive, but it's an...

I'm definitely not the paragon of security, but more than anything, this forum has helped me feel secure in myself. Hearing others share similar experiences validates the dissonance I feel in my experience. While that's important, even more important to me is learning from those with far more...

@Link Removed I know it happens when he's escalated, but this email was two weeks after the escalation, although he may have still been escalated since he describes himself as "very hurt." When he's not escalated, it doesn't seem to be an issue. I don't know if you experience this too or not...

@EveHarrington I received an email that you replied to this post. It looks as though you may have reconsidered and deleted your response. That's fine, but I want to let you know I highly value the way you call a spade a spade. It may not always be easy to hear, but it's been invaluable in...

@EveHarrington I think you're referring to my post: Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. I continue to maintain my center and take care of myself. As expected though, we have ups and downs. I just created a thread about our latest struggle, but even in that struggle, clear progress has been...

After two weeks of alone time processing how very hurt he felt after our last conversation, I received an email a couple of days ago saying he's reached his limit in dealing with having to continually acknowledge everything I say; feeling I'm being unintentionally cruel when I don't feel...

I want to address the polyamory part because I too am poly (and have identified as non-monogamous since the mid 90's). You have every right to feel disconcerted and hurt, because if this is the first you've heard of her thinking she's polyamorous, she's just making an excuse for cheating...