Recent content by Huxley

  1. H

    Constantly swapping tasks or actions

    I sometimes go offline in an odd way. I want to do X, such as listen to a podcast. I turn it on, begin listening, then realize I don’t know what they‘re referring to. I’ve blanked for milliseconds for some reason. It keeps happening. Here gone here gone here gone. It’s super annoying when...
  2. H

    Study Survivors of trauma struggle to move on from the loss of loved ones

    To me and my growing brain, each move to a new city/state meant the loss of everyone who existed there. They didn’t die, but they died to me. These people had never really existed for my parents in the first place, as their hearts and minds and friends lived elsewhere and they made little...
  3. H

    When to Push vs When to Give Up

    I have only had two therapists. What I have learned about myself is that “trying harder” is itself a dysfunctional response. I should trust myself more and walk away sooner. If I get the feeling they are not on my side, I need to trust it. My situation/life experience is such that I seem to...
  4. H

    Toxic family.

    What I’m hearing from you is that you’re looking for validation that it really is okay to shrug off your responsibility to family. I can imagine that JW teach that family is forever and that your tendency to reach for judgemental terms comes from that framework. i think what you’re hearing...
  5. H

    Self love is hard for me.

    Self love is hard sometimes, because of what it is. A baby’s brain learns to love itself by experiencing the love of others. Self “anything” is internalized external experiences. A lack of those external positive experiences means one’s baby brain does not get “wired” properly during...
  6. H

    Feeling Alone

    It was helpful to me to learn more about the neurological basis of trauma (Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, etc) and how trauma “hides” in the body, sometimes for years. One’s brain can be very good at cutting off damaging experiences. Perhaps others did not experience exactly what you did...
  7. H

    Cutting out a parent

    i have done it too, but in a weird way, backwards. My siblings disappeared from my life as I grew up, and my parents removed themselves from my life, by retiring hundreds of miles away when I was barely of legal age. I wasn’t invited. i worked for years to create and maintain family...
  8. H

    How does your therapist react to criticism?

    I appreciate Friday bringing up the gender thing. I don’t mean any offense to anyone, but I too think my issues resonate better with men than women and I’m glad to know I’m not alone. mine isn’t combat, just life and having to make my own way and provide everything for myself while still in my...
  9. H

    How does your therapist react to criticism?

    i think it’s evident from my comments that I‘m still processing this. it just feels so much like gaslighting. T says one thing (“I want to repair this”) and I state that I do too, then in the actual session she attacks or deflects or demeans whatever topic I want to discuss. I perhaps...
  10. H

    How does your therapist react to criticism?

    Another update. A fellow client of this same therapist, whom I met in the process group (my T encouraged me to form friendships with the group), has evidently also had a situation with this same T. She texted me that something happened between them that upset her and completely confused her...
  11. H

    How does your therapist react to criticism?

    I get that, and I agree that I should have known to bail much sooner. But it was my first group, and group was never my idea in the first place. I was making good progress in individual and she began talking about having me join one of her groups when space became available, how she loved...
  12. H

    How does your therapist react to criticism?

    An update. My T formally apologized for her actions. I’m not planning on continuing with her as she is obviously not a fit, but it is nice to have her admit she was wrong in how she handled it. Maybe the next trauma patient she has will benefit from her failure with me.
  13. H

    After letting go of the familiar numbness... tips for depersonalization?

    Self-compassion is good. Heaping piles of it when you need it. Embracing the hurting parts of yourself as you always should have been embraced helps you move through the experience and complete the cycle.
  14. H

    Trying to come to grips with my parents and my childhood traumas

    Going from “My childhood was okay. We had food, and nobody beat me” to the recognition that one’s parents had had a much larger role to play that they completely ignored or neglected, is a big first step. Harm to a child does not only come with bruises, and it’s okay to say that.
  15. H

    How does your therapist react to criticism?

    Part of it is undoubtedly my frustration not being expressed exactly the way she thinks it should be, and it’s more than she can contain. Rather than adddress my emotional reponse, she‘s getting offended by my tone and responds emotionally, which is just fuel to the fire. It’s like someone...
Top