Recent content by kagamine

My treatment team has such hope for me. They tell me I'm intelligent and resourceful and therefore should be able to recover and have a great life. But I'm not going to miraculously bounce back from my life experiences. I don't even feel worthy of that. I'm going to be plagued by bouts of...

I don't feel like I really had a childhood,I feel like I have a backstory. The one that actually happened, that I talk with my T about, and the one that my family likes to think happened, because nobody likes to acknowledge they idly stood by and neglected you to the point that strangers could...

Thank you everyone for the comments, I've been in a haze the last couple of days and I forgot making this post until tonight. I relate to the issue of being neglected as a child and now not feeling the urgency to care for myself. I'm much better than I was as a teenager, not showering for weeks...

I don't just mean that I stop doing the extra stuff. I stop caring what happens to me. I stop eating and sleeping. To the point that I've had sleep deprivation psychosis. I feel paralyzed and in a fog. I'm not sure if I'm safe anymore, but I'm as tired of the hospital as they are of me. I don't...

I think it's an interesting point. I was always excessively moral, felt extremely bad doing bad things. I held a lot of guilt and therefore always tried to be "good" I didn't cheat, steal, or lie about anything with actual connection or consequence, or outright. I did however, become very good...

I actually do something like this, knowing the time helps me feel less disoriented when I'm really out of it. I just keep my phone on me and check the time in somewhat regular intervals. I don't know if she wants you to have it out and visible. I personally can't have the time out on constant...

Sometimes when I'm feeling really stressed and tired, I feel this urge to go somewhere, anywhere. I'm conscious, I remember most of what I've done and where I've been, it's blurry but it's there. I'm usually not very aware of what I'm doing, but I don't do anything particularly strange, I just...

I can definitely relate to this. When things get complicated in my life it takes me a lot longer and more effort to deal with it than the average person, especially if it's to do with people being a-holes. I can barely trust people who've been in my life for years and given me no reason to think...

I do have obsessive thoughts, but that's always been the most embarrassing part. I figured out pretty young that my obsessions were weird and I felt even more alien for not being able to stop thinking them. So I mostly act out on compulsion to clean out my thoughts, I get more anxious the longer...

@Momofthree I didn't really have the traditional symptoms of ptsd until I was older, but then again trauma kept happening to me so eventually I had a lot of severe ptsd like symptoms. I guess it's just hard to tell with kids because they have different ways of dealing with trauma and some come...

I have a lot of hallmark symptoms of Ocd and I have since I was very young. My compulsions come and go, but they often return when I'm under stress (checking, counting, washing, repeating) I can't watch anything visually disturbing because I can't make images or distressing trains of thought...

I don't work right now, for a lot of reasons. I worked retail for a short stint, which wasn't too bad because it was a more new age place with a lot of organic products. But some of the scented incense and the perfumes on the customers were pretty overwhelming. I kind of just took it in stride...

@KwanYingirl It mostly comes out though my skin, I start itching and usually it's the inside of my elbows, then my forearms and slowly it's all over my arms, down my chest and torso. It's like everything is on fire and if I start scratching it just compounds. Eventually it's like my lungs are on...

I break out in hives when I use detergent with dyes and chemicals and same for any soaps. I have trouble breathing when there's tons of scented perfumes in the air too. I can't walk the laundry aisle of the grocery store without getting lightheaded. I've been tested for pretty much every allergy...

I definitely get what you're saying. I haven't lived in one place for more than 6 months since I left home. I'm always looking for something, I can't say what, but I can't settle. I itch when I stay somewhere for too long, and get claustrophobic. If I had the money I'd just backpack through...