Recent content by Lolo

Beautifully written!

My anger with God comes and goes. One of the women in my small group told me "God has big shoulders. He can take any anger you have." I've come to realize that it's like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. No matter how angry they get with you, you don't take it personally. Sometimes, a person...

I have an update. I talked to my small group Thursday night. I let out all of my thoughts and feelings about this topic. It was very cathartic. I'm not the only one in my group who has these feelings. It made me feel less alone. I know that many of you have turned from God or towards Him...

Thank you. This is very similar to what my pastor said yesterday. I'm very slow at processing emotional information. Maybe I just need to allow myself time to process.

Thank you for your support. I believe that church was part of my trauma, part of my trigger, and part of my recovery. I believe I was raped by my minister when I was 3 (I'm not positive because I'm relying on the broken memories of a traumatized 3-year-old and I just remembered most of it 2...

I feel so stupid. I talked to my pastor this morning. He is absolutely amazing. He always makes so much sense. I feel stupid because I can't stop blaming myself for my abuse. I know that it is in no way my fault. I just can't get this circle of thought out of my head. If you have any...

Not a movie, but watch TED talks on YouTube. Thousands to choose from and very inspiring.

Right now I'm going through the cycle of anger then guilt and shame. I'm angry at God then I feel guilty about it. Then it rolls back into shame. I'm a bad person for being angry with God. Then I start thinking the abuse was my fault. I'm a bad person for allowing this to happen to me. I know...

I'm very involved with my current church. I believe that going to church is what triggered my PTSD. I hadn't been to church in 15 years. I knew a little of the what, but I didn't know the who, where, or the rest of the what. When I started therapy it all started flooding back. The anger reared...

I was triggered pretty badly last week. I couldn't figure out why until this morning. I'm still angry he didn't stop it. I've yelled and cursed at Him. Maybe I need to let my anger out agian. I'm confused. I love Him but I'm angry too. Sometimes I feel defeated.

I went through a period where I was very angry with God. I'm a Christian and thought it was sacrilegious to be angry with the big guy. I wanted to know why he didn't protect me. Why are some kids spared from abuse and others forced to endure it. He raped me in the office of the church during...

I often feel like a liar. Maybe it's because I was so young when it happened. Maybe it's because I didn't remember any of it until many years later. Maybe it's because no one noticed something was wrong with me.Maybe it's because every time I remember a new piece of the puzzle a little voice in...

I remembered something new this morning. Every muscle in my body hurt. I felt shaky and numb at the same time. Nothing around me seemed real. He asked me if I could walk. How is it that someone could do something so terrible and then be concerned about my welfare. I feel stupid because I can't...

My therapeutic assignment is to write a letter to my abuser. I want to scream at him, "What were you thinking when you raped me? How could a grown man rape a three-year-old?" Did something equally terrible happen to him? It hurts so much that sometimes it's hard to breathe. I didn't understand...

When you call your therapist and make an extra appointment before you're at the point where you need to be hospitalized:-)