Recent content by NarcSis

@Ronin @Junebug @Justmehere and @Still Standing ; thank you all for taking the time to share your input, it is much appreciated. (@Justmehere my sister had a bulging disc that affected her driving leg, this is why one Dr decided she shouldn’t be driving...she’s getting better!) I am going to...

So about the SI, does it ever go away or is that going to be yet another “new normal” accommodation in life? I find even on days when I’m peaceful and content - I don’t know if I’ll ever say happy again - if I look inward, there it is lurking in the background. Is that a ptsd thing or a...

I did some research today and her family physician can reinstate her license but he’s insisting she has to go to the original Dr who revoked it and that Dr is now avoiding her calls!!! I just handed that tidbit of information to her, not my problem to solve but she feels it’s an uresolveable...

@Ronin , thanks, I really needed that perspective on it. I like that you said I’ve got no energy to give, yet do it day by day. It kind of reminds me of when hubby died and people kept calling me strong when, really, all I was doing was just waking up every day and taking another breath. I...

I think mostly I’m afraid she would kill herself. I’m struggling with my negativity making people want to die - this is an issue from my husband’s suicide and a recurring theme as I try to move on. I’m not a “happy” person anymore and quite frankly feel selfish because I can’t feel anything...

I’m feeling numb to people/person in my life, wanting to isolate but almost for self preservation because I feel like I’m being drowned by the outside world. I lost my husband to suicide three years ago (anniversary in two weeks) but I’m not allowed to talk about that anymore because it’s been...

I know, it’s apparent that no one has either heard of it or tried it. The only information I can find on it has TM stamps everywhere and no actual scientific studies proving/disproving it’s efficacy. It did work long term on the one image relating to my husband’s suicide that was bothering me...

Forget it he's dead as Anthony so insensitively points out he's been dead a year already. When his wife kills herself I'll say the same a year afterward Goodbye.

I'm going away for a week tomorrow. I have a lot to do today and all I want to do is stay in bed. I'm pushing myself to function and I'm wearing down. I wanted to dream about him but instead I dreamed about people from a tv show. My front teeth are sore. I've been clenching my jaw again. Am...

Can't sleep. Keep wondering about his death, same stuff over again; did he suffer, did he feel pain, was he scared, was he sorry, did he have time for anything...did he call for me. One of my coworkers cousins read my blog today. Thanked me and said it helped her put his death in perspective...

The dog let me snuggle with him today. This is a rarity. He even rolled over part way on his back to stare into my eyes and paw at me. Maybe he wonders why his mommy is so sad, crying repeatedly through the day and talking about a "daddy" he never met. Cried three times today. Kept thinking...

So today I found out that I was fed a rumor, our honour guard was present (our - I still say our even though I haven't belonged to them in years) and the family was touched to have him honored in that way. This has been really affecting me on a level I'm not even aware of. I was standing in...

I was telling my sister about my old coworker's funeral being an all in one day thing with no pomp and circumstance and she said, "Yeah, that's how white people do it, their funerals only last 20 minutes." I honestly didn't think this needed to involve race, what I was trying to point out was...

Chris will be laid to rest tomorrow. I found his obituary online. It seems like a rushed thing, no mention of buses or honor guards or the like. Visitation hours will immediately precede funeral and burial. Quick and hasty, line em' up, get em' through, don't let the door hit you on the way out...

I'm still in bed, it's almost 10 o'clock in the morning and I'm glad dogs don't mind sleep because we should have been gone and out the door for walks by now. My husband's watch is going off to signal his wake up time for his night shifts, it's in the bathroom right where he left it that last...