Recent content by Polly_pocket

I've had a stressful day. My abuser is my father and he got married today and my brother went so I've been thinking about him a lot. I stupidly read his weekly email and now I am so confused. He was so lovely and he said he wished I could be there to celebrate with him. Part of me (child part)...

I'm a big big fan! I don't know what house I'm in because every time I do the quiz I get a different result (side effect of my unstable personality?) Have you done the patronus quiz? I got a deerhound

I've been working on childhood trauma with my therapist and in the course of this we have started talking about the homophobic bullying that happened to me at school. Apparently one of the incidents counts as a sexual assault. I have be shocked to discover this because although I remember being...

I think so. Emotional abuse violates trust so it makes sense that abused children grow up and struggle socially. Also your threat mode is turned all the way up and you are constantly scanning people and the environment. It's no wonder interactions are difficult it is emotionally and physically...

I'm not sure I can offer any advice because it's something I really struggle with. Although I feel a closeness to my friends when I am in their company when I am not with them I cannot summon up any feelings for them. It's like they disappear from my head. I am pretty much completely emotionally...

TL;dr Trauma service refuses to take me when I'm not stable. Ed service won't help with the trauma if I'm not stable. So I end up endlessly discussing ed behaviours and never getting anywhere because it's all trauma based :(

This has been an ongoing issue since I started ed treatment 2.5 years ago. I think pretty much every post on here has been about this. Basically I was asked to put trauma work on the back burner whilst I was stabilised which makes sense in theroy but didn't work. My therapist is at the eating...

I feel like an evil wretched thing. I have relapsed into my anorexia so badly since leaving day treatment three months ago. I have lost all of the weight I gained and I'm back to my 'safe' weight. My bmi is not super low but is in the anorexic range dropping fast. I have so many behaviours I...

I didn't run away. I am still very low though. Low on energy and hope and everything. Yesterday I changed my bed clothes for the first time in two months and it took me a massive effort. But my eating is slightly better and I seem to be making some progress in therapy. I started doing...

Thank you for making me feel less alone in this <3 The thing is I feel like such a deeply defective person I have no idea how to even picture a normal and healthy life for myself. I have been in threat mode for so long it is impossible to picture a future and it's that kind of hope you have to...

Thank you for your kind words. I have had a very busy/stressful day so I am low on words this evening but I wanted to acknowledge your posts and let you know I appriciate them. I will reply properly tomorrow x

I know that this is really needy and people on here are probably really sick of me posting but I am really struggling today with strange thoughts and I don't know what the best thing to do is. I'm so overwhelmed, I have literally just left day treatment a month ago and I have really lapsed...

I'm low on words but I'd like to offer you empathy and hugs. I know the feeling-in fact I'm probably there now. It will past, I have to believe it for myself and you. When I am low I treat it like flu of the brain, I just need to take it easy and practice self care, and wait it out. :hug:

Thank you Technically I'm not supposed to email her and she said she would never ever email back but she made an exception and emailed to thank me for the message and that it was very helpful and we're going to talk about stuff next session. Eek. I know getting myself back on track with the...

Thank you Chava. I think you're right...I've used food in order to escape the feelings brought about by dealing with the trauma that has been buried so long. I haven't thought about my trauma at all this week, I've just been obsessing about my body. I don't understand my therapists reasoning...