Feel Like I Should Forgive And Reconnect With My Abuser.

[Polly_pocket]

I've had a stressful day.

My abuser is my father and he got married today and my brother went so I've been thinking about him a lot. I stupidly read his weekly email and now I am so confused. He was so lovely and he said he wished I could be there to celebrate with him. Part of me (child part) desperately wants to see him, to forgive him, to be his daughter, to be loved again.

He has got remarried so maybe he has changed. Can child abusers change? Should I give it a go? My therapist used to tell me that the emails and letters are all manipulation. Sociopaths don't change. He has done so many terrible things. Physically and emotionally abused me for 14 years. Groomed me for sexual abuse but luckily never went through with it. Repeatedly raped my mother for years.

Today I also realised that he has probably be stalking me online again (90% sure). I found an empty account following me on IG. The name had the same initials and number of syllables as his name and the first name translated means the same as his. It's the kind of thing he would find clever and funny.

I don't know what to do. Do I see him and try and make it work?

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I've had a stressful day.

My abuser is my father and he got married today and my brother went so...

Send him a text saying congrats and I love you than leave it at that

 

[EveHarrington]

Noooooo!

Please don't reconcile with him.

A truly repentant person would apologize to your face AND change their behavior. I am not seeing any change in behavior as he's still doing devious things.

 

[rosey]

I think you should stay strong and stay away. I know it is hard i have cut myself off from my entire family so understand that pull.

If you go back there is a chance his behaviour will get worse and he might take it as a sign of weakness and know he can manipulate you.

It is horrible when you want more from some one than they can give. Give up hope he will never be the father you want you need to grieve for that not go back for more.

 

[Amaranthine]

I've had a stressful day.

My abuser is my father and he got married today and my brother went so...

I wouldn't actually try loving him again, this will go very wrong but if you feel isolate place on a show and don't allow him to cajole you into feeling anything for him. He is a horrible man and always will be. I have learned this through trying to reconcile with my familial abuser, it's best not to.

 

[Cannottakethis]

Noooooo!

Please don't reconcile with him.

A truly repentant person would apologize to your face AND change their behavior. I am not seeing any change in behavior as he's still doing devious things.

I think you should stay strong and stay away. I know it is hard i have cut myself off from my entire family so understand that pull.

If you go back there is a chance his behaviour will get worse and he might take it as a sign of weakness and know he can manipulate you.

It is horrible when you want more from some one than they can give. Give up hope he will never be the father you want you need to grieve for that not go back for more.

@Polly_pocket, these people don't change. Whether they are your father or someone else's father. He emotionally abused you and raped your mother. Your T is right that he is manipulating you, as well as stalking you on your IG. All contacting him will do will leave you feeling more confused, and bring up old feelings of wanting to be loved. This is someone incapable of giving love. Loving people do not do the things this man did.