Recent content by saffronstuffie

This whole reply is very confusing for me.. Mainly the "confirmed" part for memories? You *do* understand that perpetrators will lie about the abuse they made someone go through, especially if it will make them appear as bad as they were, yes??.. Also, I'm transmasculine.. I was only on...

I'm just curious if it's much like my own "presences" where I feel like I have to rush to my room, or just away from the presence at night, or else a little voice in my brain shouts at me "IT'S GETTING CLOSER, IT'S GONNA HURT US IF IT GETS US", like it's a big monster in a horror game chasing...

thank you so much for this reply, I mainly added the content CW for graphic stuff, because people will always be curious about stuff they dunno/haven't gone through ( especially surgeries!! ) but I'm glad I don't need to censor myself like that on here!! as for hormones controlling everything, I...

Also, I'm unfortunately the complete opposite when it comes to relationships, I wanted someone - ANYONE - to "want" my body.. Went through relationships when I was in elementary, to high school, like they were sweets!!😨 ( I had no sense of self-worth growing up, so unfortunately I still display...

Yes!! I ALSO avoid going to the doctors / ER!! Because I HATE needing to have other people I don't know mess with my body!! ( even though it's necessary to find out what's wrong with me, i've learnt that about surgeries like this, though i still don't like it.. ) I hope that I can figure out how...

Also, I feel even MORE stupid about this, but when I was on the way home and finally saw the picture of my uterus, I got all teary-eyed and just whispered "goodbye" to it?? ( Feel like I'm just being dramatic AF, but I literally lost an organ, my only way to have my OWN kids - and while i don't...

Hi everyone, if you don't know what a hysterectomy is, please do not look it up without safe search!!! It's basically a super major surgery to remove my ENTIRE uterus, tubes, ovaries/eggs, and cervix, which I've successfully went through!! ( Hurts like all-hell, as of first day post-op, but it's...

Your words are genuinely so kind, thank you! I have SO much hate for my dad, I'm not sure if that hate will ever settle, but the love is new, as of recent. It's definitely a repressed "new", because I wouldn't react so viscerally to it if it wasn't something I had no experience with before. ( i...

I'm just worried that any type of talk therapy i try will do what it always does, flashback flood. And that always happens whenever i try to talk with people, even my own partner, about my sexual abuse. The flooding triggers worse stuff for our system, too. ( a perpetrator alter fronting, and...

( sorry in advance for the switch between plural and singular pronouns, just stupid system bs that's done unintentionally. ) i've been trying to give myself kindness, trust me. but the only issue is, i have an alter that's basically a conditioning introject. he's based off my dad. ( he's not...

woof, finally someone understands how it feels! only difference is I have C-PTSD. I've also noticed that people are VERY sensitive towards big T trauma. I do feel like this ploys into my "avoidance" symptoms, not being able to have resources that SHOULD easily be available - because I DO want to...

I wish this was the same for me, but whenever i even TRY to talk about my flashbacks, it's like a floodgate that opens, only making me spiral into experiencing the flashbacks, while also trying to describe them. it's very re-traumatizing for me, to the point where i start to dissociate, mainly...

kind of vented a bit abt it on my profile a bit, but a run-down of it, my dad made me love him. I've been getting sexually abused by him since I was 2, he also romantically abused me - which was basically just, conditioning me into loving him - the abuse stopped when i was abt 11-12 ( basically...

not much for me to lose, besides whatever string of sanity keeping me from severely hurting myself. because that's all i feel like doing whenever i have these memories!! doesn't help that i'm not getting properly eval'd, and just told to be put on medicine. that's not how therapy should work...

I'm not trying to be dramatic or anything, this is just how much I remember weird flashbacks / memories of stuff I went through as a kid. I literally experienced sexual abuse for my entire childhood. I feel icky gross typing about it hhh :"(