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Welcome to the forum Donna, I understand you, the forum has been an absolute positive for me. I felt completely alone in this struggle before I found it. Yes I have therapists, but finding people who understand is different. I have had insomnia for 40 years. The stage of it results in...

I think that feeling of being home, in myself, without anxiety gnawing at me, telling me I am not safe. Contentment in my heart, without all the noise playing. I feel like I am running from house to house begging someone to let me in, and protect me. I have been protecting myself all my life...

Thank you for your understanding it means a lot to be understood, makes it all real and not a fantasy which makes me feel bat shit crazy. I am sending my compassion for your struggles as well. I want to be content means me enjoying the sun on my face, feeling the wind blow through my hair...

I always appreciate your take Arfie, and maybe I need to surrender to it all, I have had this shit my entire life, and well sometimes it hits me as strange that I am still fighting the truth of it all. I still feel surrendering will eat me alive and I will go down the rabbit hole and never see...

I understand, it is amazing how much despair this all causes. I think that the CPTSD makes life's normal challenges so intense and , it is hard for me to regulate my anxiety. I think understanding this about my system make it easier for me to (at times) to cope. The depression is the most...

I just saw this post, I have been in a dream state of depression and anxiety. First, we had a nice evening, and I was relieved that I made it through. It was very nice to be with those I can be myself with. Second, my illness embarrasses me, and I feel shame and think, oh look there I am...

This dark deep episode is hanging on tightly. I am getting out of bed, eating, and exercising. Lately, I am having a lot of SI. I don't want to go, I want to stay and be content. The thoughts whirl from I am going to be okay, to I cannot take this anymore. I know this is not uncommon...

It is not pathetic, it is hard to find the right people, under any circumstances.

I feel the best on anxiety meds, but my dr. believes the SSRI are better. Trying to find a new dr. that actually listens to me… might take some time. 🧚‍♂️

You are right Anthony, I have had both, the side effects can cause what they treat 🤔. I use them in really dark times. I believe you about exercise, I am walking at the moment. I am pushing myself most days but it helps. I hope to get back to more activities. My go to sitting in the sun, is...

Thank you Sideways! Nobody should judge, especially here. I struggle with my own guilt about not being “strong” enough to deal without meds. I lower them and then have to up them. My depression episodes are brutal and I cannot get through them on my willpower. I am too depleted from dealing...

Trauma healing started for me about 2 years ago, before that I didn’t understand what was wrong, so I just suffered. Healing for me is moving forward, feeling hopeful and more grounded, and then …forgetting to keep up my self care, overworking, thus not being equipped for challenges. The last...

Hey Friday, I think I misunderstood your question...and want to re-reply. I really don't know, but I get super triggered when people speak in metaphors/unclear ways. It isn't always about my trauma history, because I do not talk to many people about it. When I get unsolicited third party...

I am at a place now, that I don’t discuss it with people I feel might do that. I don’t walk into it or try to make them understand. I find it counterproductive and unnecessary. I prefer to speak to compassion people. 🧚‍♂️

Welcome, this forum really helps me, everyday. 🧚‍♂️

I totally understand. I often downplayed the trauma, because if I accepted it, it meant it happened. That is still hard for me, admitting to myself that it all happened and I am not just making excuses for myself because I am weak. 🧚‍♂️

Deno I appreciate your words. The struggle between knowing and implementing, even when the truth is clear, is painful. Luckily, every time it comes up again, it gets lighter to manage. I know it is an internal fight with myself, the strong, clear me and the scared, insecure and lost me. I...

Welcome Fret! 🧚‍♂️

It was not a low blow, it was true/honest and thank you Friday, thank you for getting it and taking the time to torment me in a good way 😊🤣 That is true, and yes I cannot fool myself anymore, and it is liberating and painful at the same time. Liberation wins sometimes and the old longing pain...

It seems this longing is something I am ashamed of. I have often felt I needed to be stronger, and have no longings. I have them, I want to feel contentment, being at home inside. I have felt it, just for a few days, and it feels like heaven. I was able to give home to my son, perhaps...

I feel you, and thank you for your open honest answer. It is hard owning up to our own truth. You noticing your anxiety and listening to it is a great step. I started listening to it, and I feel powerful and content and then he writes and I feel the anxiety, and don't want to bite, but my...

So I had a look at the actual definition of trauma bond, as I was not 100% sure. No I would not say he is the perpetrator... and I am the victim. I think he and I are both connected, do to a lack of love as children. I think we are both bonded to each other, neither of us have let each other...

I never thought about that, trauma bond, have to think about it thank you for your insight...😀

I had one big love in my life. He was an absolute nightmare, and completely mentally unhealthy, and I was attached to him for years. I left him finally, and I got married, and divorced, had a child, starting dealing with all my PTSD, depression, anxiety and then boom he reappeared. I ignored...

Welcome! 😊