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Bumpy

I had a really hard time with resurfaced memories from my childhood neglect years. I had remembered bits and pieces and they were disturbing in their own right. It was like a strange void of fractured fragmented events that I couldn’t quite structure in my mind. I felt I could talk about what...

I was neglected in many ways as a child starting at age three and was later sexually assaulted by a stranger just once when I was seven. The event left me shocked, confused and dissociated from the world for a long time. My social and communication skills were severely lacking. I was a...

Yes I was going through a period of anxiety and panic attacks while trying a medication new to me. I suffered yet more increasing panic. I could not breathe. I practiced what my trauma therapist suggested: Do some running. Try some cleaning around the house. I was a mess emotionally. I...

Yes I have trouble accepting help. I feel that I am not good enough if I agree to that. From people I really care about the most I have trouble accepting money even if I earned it. I used to have this issue with just about everyone. I think I’ve gotten better though and it is mostly just...

It’s funny because when I think of this, I recall of the lucid dreams and things I’ve done in my life. Such as swimming underwater and exploring because I can breeze or flying or leaping around with tall bounds and floating. These nightmares are more like lucid nightmares to me.

Pearl

Unmanaged anxiety you describe is terrible. Every single symptom of PTSD is far worse when you feel like your head is full of anxiety and it will let up. Hopefully your doctor can prescribe meds to get it under control. My experience with anxiety and panic is that it leads to deeper and...

Reincarnate

For a movie, I saw Three Billboards today. The last series I watched today was Finding you roots. Excellent episode, Dr. Phil was one of the guests. The guy can be a jerk but I like him anyway.

It’s funny, I have noticed that when I’m hot I will drink ice water all the time because I’d feel anxious without it. In the winter cold months, I will take two showers or more. But in reality this all does make sense. I guess this just means that when I feel uncomfortable I get anxious, if it...

For me, the hot weather seemed to increase the dissociative issues/flashbacks and sleep disturbances. The cold weather however would trigger my somatic breathing flashback type problems, which always lead to panic. Tightening of chest and breathing difficulties. I always experienced both...

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I realize my pride is often a barrier to solving problems.

Yes I quite agree with this. Indecision and flakiness are difficult things to deal with in interacting with others.

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Affect

Story

Today I’m slow roasting Beef short ribs. Then I’ll smother them in barbecue sauce and a little garlic powder to make them stick.

:photogenic:Theater

Idea

Matchless James corden

I can’t seem to get sleep until about 1:30 AM even though I worked really hard today, my phone recorded 19,000 steps (8 miles) and that’s high but not far off one of my typical days. Too much energy. I’ll get up at 7:30 AM as usual. It would be nice to get to bed earlier so I can rest. I seem...

For the win!