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This is the handmade ring that has personal meaning to me that he never allowed me to wear. Wearing it every day now!

He had this thing that I couldn’t wear rings ever because they might scratch the paint on the car doors as you open and shut them. Yeah, I never got it either but I stopped wearing rings because it wasn’t worth being screamed at and forced to take them off and put them in a pocket or handbag...

Yeah, I think he’s doing the whole “poor me” thing. But I am enjoying the freedom to do stuff like wear the jewellery I owned before I met him. (He said it was gaudy and might scratch the paint on his car. ) and making plans for a whole new life so...

Ha! I spoke to him tonight and he was whinging about the cost of keeping our property (which I have just walked away from rather than try to take half) and about eating boiled eggs for dinner. I said “well all you had to do was treat me with respect and kindness and I would still be there but...

I kinda get both sides here. I refuse to blame the victim - I didn’t “allow him” to bodyslam me into a wall. But on the other hand if I’d been able to set healthy boundaries I probably would have left the relationship long before I did.

@LuckiLee - I - and quite a few other people - have told him that he treats his dogs better than he treated me. And it was literally true. Now I’m treating myself AND my dog right. ❤️

I agree. But the relief I was hoping for has started to come and I’m SO enjoying being ME again that I’m feeling very confident (at least today) that I can’t and won’t go back.

Part of me wants to be as far away from him as I can get. But part of me thinks - bugger him! Why should I leave? I love the mountains. It’s a great little town. He hardly ever comes to town anyway so why shouldn’t I stay? It would be renting a room so I wouldn’t be committed to a lease or a...

Today I’ve been on Facebook and Instagram and had - gasp - TWO baths. I’ve also researched training for a new career. I applied for two jobs I don’t think I’ll get and been kinda sorta offered something which is in the town where he lives but at least it would be a start...

So... I was talking to my therapist this morning and she asked me what I was enjoying doing now that I’m away from him and I said that I had had a long hot bath last night. She was like “couldn’t you do that when you were with him?” And I explained how I would have to wait until he was ready to...

Ugh! Just spent two hours on the phone to him. All I got was a whole lot of justification for his behaviour and was told I needed to stop “bickering” with him.

What is really standing out to me as I read my diary is how every “good” day was closely followed by an “incident”. We very rarely had 48 hours together without a “drama”. Nothing will change if I go back. I must not go back!

I am also going to reread my private supporters diary. There are numerous incidents there that I had pretty much forgotten because they were so common they became normal. Sigh!

I thought there would be more relief and less devastation. Right now I’m as heartbroken as I’ve ever been in my life. I just can’t believe it.

So I’ve left him. Quit my job, taken my dog and whatever I could fit into my car and gone. He’s not even upset. He just says “we don’t get along”, “I just want peace and quiet” and played me Adele’s “Love in the Dark”. After 5 years of loving sacrifice I mean nothing to him.

@Fadeaway - I hear you. But if I get a text that says "I'm going to join my mother. Take care." and his mother died last 17 June then I am going to call and tell him he either promises me he will do nothing til I get there or I will call 000. If its more like "I feel so empty. I've seen...

This ^^^ is what I was trying to say. Its ok to want more from a relationship than this one can ever be. But you can't force him to be different by carrying on about it. That's like throwing a tantrum because the guy in a wheelchair won't get up and walk.

If I can, if he'll let me, I hold him and tell him I love him, that his children love him, that his grandchildren would like to have the chance to get to know him. Sometimes I tell him that its not fair to transfer his pain onto me and his family by killing himself. Sometimes I tell him he's...

I understand why you expect honesty and effort in a relationship, but I think you need to recognise that a PTSD sufferer is not the partner for you. Here's why. Let's imagine your man is swimming in a river. He's in the really strong current and he's really struggling to stay afloat. I mean...

@EveHarrington - and everywhere else on the spectrum? What about sad or depressed or angry or passively suicidal ideation? And (barring active suicidal attempts - where clearly you need to call 000) how exactly do you get another adult help they don't want???

If nothing changes then nothing changes.

Think of it as dodging a bullet. If she hit you once she'll hit you again. And its really hard to get help as a male victim of domestic violence.

@Freida & @Sweetpea76 - mine's most recent plan was to travel to South Africa to defend white farmers against "land redistribution" violence. I actually emailed him the page on how to get a visa. :whistling::whistling:

Dealing with suicidal ideation is the worst. Its so hard to know what to say or do. I can't call emergency services every time my veteran says he would rather be dead. But sometimes I get text messages like "I can't go on like this. Take care." and I panic that it is a goodbye suicide note...

You can't help him. Love is not enough. How long have you been seeing him?