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Ok, this does take a bit of mental weight off Ooooh, so this is difficult for me... but you are of course right...I know I need to do it... I think it comes from being younger when I didn't stand a chance against my dad and his partner and their guilt trips and out right blame for how selfish i...

You've made so many hopeful points... which I'm going to read to remind me tomorrow... I totally haven't considered this. But you're right. This is what he's trained to handle. And he has handled our last fall out really well too... That's what I've been feeling. That it's all on me. I think...

I think I'm unsure. Because I don't feel I know myself. I feel there is an absolute truth about the way it should be tackled but I don't know it and so I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. Thinking about it, I guess I'm expecting him to know and me not to because I don't know my own feelings...

Thank you @Movingforward10 @Friday @Ecdysis @scout86 @No More I always forget that just saying what's on my mind, including 'I don't know how to go about this' is valid ... thank you for the reminder!

Getting really nervous about session with T tomorrow... I'm not really sure how to broach the topic of this whole email saga with him.. what I should say about it.. how much I try to explain my perspective.. I'm trying to visualise me being there and not dissociating and managing to hold a convo...

I've had to go the other way and avoid my triggers for a long time and that worked better over all for me... It would just end in a complete sh*t show for me if I tried to do things which would trigger and then intimacy would become all about me and my problems. Which I hated. So avoiding...

I read this and have a completely different take on it... I think co-dependency runs along a spectrum... and clearly at one extreme, it can be unhealthy in a relationship... but I think also having some level of dependency in relationships is how it's supposed to be and being reliant, leaning...

I didn't know this thread existed! I love it! It's great to get a visual of what other people see and what they are into... lots of incredible photos... Here's a picture of the love of my life... she came to us during the pandemic (not our cat!) and has visited every day since multiple times a...

Lols mine is not healthy like that.. I devoured an almost total pack of chilli heatwave doritos 🤣

That even though I'm physically ill I've been really functional and managed to get my son everywhere he needed to be... grateful for that opportunity

I found solacein animals growing up.. my dad had a dog and sadly he used to get hit and kicked regularly...I felt when we looked into each other's eyes there was an implicit understanding about being in a shit situation and having no control over that... I felt love from him and I think he did...

Spicy 🌶! Funk or pop music

Oooh that's really tricky.... I think baked but it's pretty much equal for me...I love potatoes!! Dark chocolate or milk chocolate? 🍫

Levis!! Starters or desserts?

I get my body up for a bit, like 20 minutes... make a warm tea or have a bowl of cereal or something...I think breaking away from the monotony of not being able to sleep helps as well as having something in my stomach.. seems to make me more sleepy.... sometimes it doesn't work, but often it...

Yes it was sexual assault and I'm sorry this happened to you... You're not a disgusting person... what you're feeling is displaced shame- it's your dad's guilt and shame and not yours. Also your mums. You deserve better. Please get help now like @Friday days, whilst you have it... in form...

This is so so on point. Thank you for consolidating very important info so precisely ...

Could you have this exact convo with your T? People often point out to me that the blocks we have with our Ts are in fact part of the work we should try to be addressing in the therapy room... Could you have this convo to see what response you get?

I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday about why this whole email exchange (at the point T sent his defensive and OTT email) was possibly so triggering for me... During part of my abuse history, one theme which popped up in therapy is how one of the people who abused me developed a trusting...

This is something I need to be able to do more... I've noticed over the years people in my real life world are able to give each other compliments to each other much more easily than what I can... I can't do it with myself so it's probably why I find it hard to do with others.. it's a practice I...

Firstly @ninja thank you for saying this... it means alot because with this thread in particular I've really laid myself bare and have felt pretty vulnerable... people do read into what's communicated on this forum in different ways and I know there's always a risk of being further...

I'm sorry you're feeling lost and in shock about all of this... it sounds like you've got alot going on in your head and body about these memories, trying to make sense of them, trying to navigate how you think and what others will feel about it all... I think follow your gut... You've...

Thank you for both of your posts @Tinyflame .. they have been very useful, especially where you share your own experience and what you've learned from it... Yes exactly this. It was the changing of the goal posts, telling me the rule is one thing, then saying it's another, then him getting...

Thank you for this @Tinyflame ..I welcome everyone's perspectives (as long as they are respectful, which you have been)... Thank you for this fresh perspective... it's not something I've considered and actually, making the whole picture much bigger ithan the interaction between me and him is...

Thanks @Movingforward10 and @Rose White ... Yes it's definitely a backlash... I'm beginning to see these for what they are although the experiencing of them is still just as strong and the knowledge that it is one doesn't seem to help in the moment..I like to think they are lasting much...