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*DD = daydreaming *MDD = maladaptive daydreaming Please someone respond. I need some input. Okay, so I am going to post this. Very nervous... I haven't ever admitted this to anyone really to speak of. But I spend a LOT of time MDD. I've done this for a long time. Not sure when it started. In...

Kind of nervous. Talked to my sister a bit about my past (childhood/adolescence) on the phone. Wanted to ask her questions about my early childhood and her childhood. She is 12 years older than me and lived at home until I was like 7 maybe? But I can't be sure because it's all really fuzzy...

Earlier today I had the sensation of something coming out of me down there. It was sudden and it surprised me. I felt it so intensely that I really thought there was something down there, so I put my hand down there to feel what was sliding out of me. But I was equally shocked to find that there...

Not having a good night. Just crying. So very sad. I hate PTSD symptoms so much. I hate how I feel like I mess everything up. I hate that I start freaking out during an innocent and playful time with my boyfriend. I hate that I start crying. I hate that I stress him out and hurt him. I hate...

Does anyone else have weird triggers? Feel free to share below. This is my list: The video game 'Skyrim'

 'Star Wars' (or anything associated with it) 

 Breathing or being kissed on or around my neck (but I can tolerate it during sex only now, and only because I trust my boyfriend 100%) 

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If any of my RA survivor friends could help me out I would appreciate it. Love and light to you all. All day I keep getting blips (of what I'll describe below) and I feel like I'm shocked, being pulled out and away somehow. Just not sure what I experienced. I just know I have triggers on RA...

Post/Part 1- Bodily Dissociation Really am wondering if other people experience great levels of disconnect in their body's and their surroundings? I'm going to list some things I've been dealing with that I believe are dissociative in nature. Bear in mind these examples that I've listed...

What started and contributed to the development of C-PTSD and dissociative issues/Aspects. First trauma: Premature birth (3 months early). Lots of invasive and painful medical procedures for 3 months (was in hospital NICU for 3 months), I died more than once. There was massively descreased...

Does anyone think that it is necessary to have a trauma T? I feel I NEED one. I had a good T. We were together for like 2+ years but things started to get too deep and I tried sharing things that were maybe too deep and it just wasn't going anywhere. I felt very invalidated when I tried to tell...

So, here are just some things that have been happening in the last month... I found out about the 4th and 5th bullet points within an hour or two of each other... Anni (of a particular r*pe) this month and I want December to be over... It's the 29th... Persistent panic attacks that cause severe...

Yeah, so I wrote this months ago after this happened... But I am struggling with it... And I wanted to put this (as a link to my blog where was originally written at but it says I am not allowed to do that...) Anyway, thanks for reading. Sorry it is so long! ***Hugs and comments please. Any...

So, here are just some things that have been happening in the last month... I found out about the 4th and 5th bullet points within an hour or two of each other... Anni (of a particular r*pe) this month and I want December to be over... It's the 29th... Persistent panic attacks that cause...

Hi all! I am Chantel. I am glad to be here. Well, I am a bit upset that I have a reason to be here, but since I do, I will use this and try and also help others! :) I will start out by saying that I am a survivor of many types of abuse: mental/psychological, verbal, emotional, physical, and...

So, just saying, this is going to be long. I have written this in my online journal thing but just need to get it out here so I am pasting it here in chunks for easier reading... I just need some input and support. I apologize for the length. I have survived ritualized abuse (not to be...

*** This is what I posted on a forum for SA survivors. Under the tab, "Sadistic Sexual Assault". I just need some support with it because I am confused. I know it is not as sadistic as many others have experienced... Hell, I am not even sure if it is sadistic at all. I am not sure what it was or...

***These are posts that I had in a d*gital r*pe thread on a different forum and I am just copying them to here to get them out. So, if they don't sound as if they flow well together, that'd be because they are 4 seperate posts but I wanted to lump them all together in one.*** Post 1) I was...

I posted this on another survivor forum 5 days after my most recent r*pe in September 2012. The forum was entitled, "Sexual Assault in the Presence of Loved Ones" This is what I said, "I think I fit in here. I want to throw up... I am so scared... Does this count???.... My dad was in the room...

A drawing I did on my 18"×24" drawing pad. I used feelings, pencil, colored pencils/crayons. On one side is my identity and how I feel related to the abuse. On the other side is the reality and identity in Jesus. Thanks for the support!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: for those who want one.

Ashamed and frozen in fear, time stops. Pretending to be asleep; staying very still... Lying and waiting, pretending it's all just a dream. NO! Get up! I have to do something! SCREAM! *Silence*... I don't make a sound. No one can know. Ashamed! Eyes now scrunched up tight and fists form into...

I was in my T's office and I was talking about something hard I guess. I think I was talking about my most recent r*pe back in September or maybe something about my dad I don't know? Anyway, I started off just feeling 'spacey'. Not all the way there ya know? I felt 'off'. That makes sense...

Here is 100 things about me. Some are silly and some are serious and due directly to the SA and abuse in my life. It was a nice thing to do and it actually helped me get in touch with myself some I think. Blessings to you all. I am 21 years old. I am an American. I am a Cancer and my birthday...

OK, just be careful reading this. I am sorry for what I am about to say, I just need some support... I am so upset. Some people are sooooo heartless and cruel. I am a member on a site where people join groups and share stories that fit those groups... Anyway, you can also ask questions. Today...

I feel so broken up and scrambled... I feel like am trying to figure out and process what happened but I am not even sure about anything. It is all so gray... Here it goes: I am so angry at what you did to me! You have made me second guess and invalidate and minimize my own experiences...

* I am sorry this will end up rambly but I HAVE to get it out. This has to do with the lack of support from my dad in relation to his best friend who r*ped me 3 months ago (09/22/12). Bear in mind that the majority of the first part is redundant and may not seem important in relation to the r*pe...

C was my first everything. I was very naive and innocent in some ways. I trusted him. He was so cunning and he told me everything that I wanted to hear. I believed him. Who knows maybe he did love me at the time in his own sick and warped way... It doesn't really matter. It was perfect for the...