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She just got home. Yep she's in a rage. Slamming doors. I'm ready, though. My heart is pounding and my hands are sweating like crazy. My body is scared, but I'm going to be brave.

I just keep reminding myself that I am a grown ass adult and they can't hurt me anymore. I could kick their asses if they tried to hurt me, plus call the cops. Plus I realize now that my dog is legally in my name, he has a chip in him that when scanned brings up my name, address, etc and...

My mother has still been pestering me about wanting to "talk" about the photos. I went ahead and just emailed her letting her know that I found the DVDs and that it upset me so much that I had a dissociative episode and got rid of the photos. Maybe this wasn't the 'best' course of action, but...

I will mention it to the rehabilitation staff on Monday if they don't mention it, themselves. I have been to the unemployment office before but was only told that I wasn't eligible for benefits. Although that I qualified for the emergency state health insurance which I am already on.

Well that pill knocked me out for about 23 hours straight it looks like, if the time stamps are correct. I feel pretty damn stiff and groggy still. I don't qualify for any unemployment benefits, but I do still intend to go the rehabilitation office on Monday.

I think I am going to go to the rehabilitation office in secret on Monday. I tried to look up online what to expect when going to the emergency room for mental health problems and it was nothing but horror stories. I'm probably not going to do that now. But I will go to the rehabilitation office...

I just need to dump these thoughts somewhere might spam this thread today just venting and dumping nothing more. I don't really know what to think of my brother. My brother's presence when I was young was often a negative impact for me even though I loved him very much. Sometimes when insane...

If I go to the hospital on Monday and they try to make me stay there, then my dog will be here by himself and they might do something to him while I am gone. If they did that though then everyone would know in the end that they got rid of my dog while I was in a hospital and they wouldn't really...

Thank you both for the encouragement. I really do appreciate it. I think I'm honestly just scared. My dissociative symptoms have been flaring up a bit, I don't have much sense of time, and think it is the wrong day like every other day. I thought today was Saturday and felt very disoriented...

This is one thing that I found for my own state (I don't mind revealing that info): Link Removed Some of the things that it includes: "Some disability examples are amputation, back disability, brain injury, cancer, cerebral palsy, diabetes, epilepsy, hearing loss, heart disease, kidney...

All of the resources so far seem to be geared towards specific situations and demographics that don't fit my own. There are social services programs all over, to my honest surprise, but they specialize in specific things.. domestic physical violence, racism victims, cancer, veterans, etc. I was...

I have a list of possible resources going, saved them in my personal email so they don't get lost. To be completely honest I just feel very stuck right now. I think it's almost entirely psychological. It's like a numb depression in a way. I'm pretty sure my mother has launched another smear...

Bingo. Sucks, but it's true.

Well so far she just slips in and out of liking me and hating me. Like she forgets that she is supposed to be hating me right now, suddenly remembers and then gives me the silent treatment and cold shoulder, then forgets and starts trying to make chitchat again, then remembers she hates me and...

Well today might be emotional D-day. I've been almost completely avoiding my mother and her husband since they returned from their vacation, including getting out of the house and 'sleeping' while I'm stuck here during day hours. But today my mother is working from home. This is actually because...

You have a lot of red flags that you were sexually abused at a very young age. It is also true that in many cases, people who were sexually abused at very young ages (0-4) will never be able to remember it in the same way that a person can recall their recent trip to a grocery store. Some of the...

In my personal opinion, the healthiest approach is for your own well-being to be your top priority, which includes your mental and emotional well-being. Basically in line with the notion that a drowning man can't save another drowning person, until he has saved himself, first. While it is true...

Thank you ladee and the rest of you. It has been a big help to be able to vent here and get some feedback. I don't really have any actual plans yet but know that I need a day of space. My brother and I aren't emotionally close at all, but he isn't evil, either. Just a golden child "flying...

Ugh yep less than 24 hours. She is in her super dark mindset this morning. Hard to articulate it but it's something I've learned to almost instinctively pick up on since I was a little kid. It's like the atmosphere just goes suffocating and toxic around her. It's this hostile sort of silence she...

I'm not super sure. I mean for me grey rock is kind of automated most of the time, since I severely dissociate under sudden duress. It's kinda more like dead rodent than grey rock, in actual practice. I have vague memories of her completely losing her shit but can't remember how those events...

Well everything went very predictably. I completely froze up and could hardly talk. My mother husband's feigned anger and tried to provoke a fight, but I was unresponsive to him so he gave up and shut up. My mother took the "I'm not angry, I'm just upset, I'm very worried about you" approach...

Well they get home tonight. I feel like I'm going to wind up just throwing up on them. Literally.

I had an appointment with my physician today for an unrelated health problem. I have emergency health insurance through the state currently, and while I was there the nurse asked me about my home life and if I wanted any information on social services resources. At the appointment I said no to...

I believe that I may have come to a realization that a large part of why I did this without even realizing it, in regards to destroying the photographs, is because there is no possible way for me to undo such a thing. Sure symbolism during anxiety of the nature that threatens an imminent...

I am turning 29 this Summer. I have made it out on my own for brief periods at a time, a few times, in my adulthood, but I was always living paycheck to paycheck, so when one thing would happen, the whole thing fell apart each time. The last time I was out on my own for a while, I was so...