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I think it is wonderful that you went on your trip. That's huge to overcome that kind of anxiety. And I think it is wonderful that even though you were initially very defensive about the feedback you got here, you eventually approached it with a very level head and allowed yourself to grow...

I don't think you over-reacted. Forgiveness doesn't mean wishing them well. It means letting go of the expectation of recompense. At least, to me. You SHOULD blame her - you were the innocent child. She was the cruel, selfish adult. You have every right to be angry. It should have never...

My T sighs sometimes when I reveal distorted cognitions and emotions. It's not because he's frustrated - I've asked. It's because he's sad I am going through it and he needs to release the emotion so he can stay focused. As hard as it is, I think it would be a good idea to discuss this...

I do trauma work every day outside of therapy. I write out memories, and we go through them in therapy. Then during the days in between, I go through whatever memory we're working on each day for exposure. Any thoughts or feelings that come up, I write in the journal my therapist reads. He...

I have had to change dosages because of weight GAIN (caused by the olanzapine I was on for 15 months). My previous doses were no longer effective. So I would think it could work the opposite, too. For instance, when I was down to 100 pounds, I only needed .5 mg of Ativan to relieve most...

@Hope4Now , I have not looked at their work. It's a great suggestion, though. My goal is to eventually come off the hydrocodone and move down to tramadol, and then slowly taper that down until I'm just on the diclofenac (anti-inflammatory). So I can use all the help I can get. I have...

I have Gerd. I take omeprazole twice a day, sleep sitting up when it gets bad, keep a food log to help sort out trigger foods, and use ondansetron to help control the vomiting.

I have RSD in my leg following a five year battle with a hospital acquired infection, involving 23 operations. The pain is excruciating when it flares. Not as bad as when I had my last two surgeries that finally removed all of the infection, but bad enough to drive my blood pressure up into...

I've got five rescue cats. Furbis is 12, Calliah is 10, Isobel and Bayleigh are 8, and Tabibito is 5. There is also the cat who lives in the martial arts school. His name is Mojave, and he is 9. I love all six of them with all my heart. They are the outlets for all my maternal instincts...

My abuse was suffered at the hands of a satanic cult. So many horrific things, so much brain-washing and crazy-making. I have since given my life over to Christ. I want others to have what I have - peace, hope, the feeling of unconditional love and acceptance, joy - but I have never and will...

So I saw my T today. It felt good to have someone there who I could be completely transparent with, instead of feeling like I have to be protective or downplay the seriousness of what I'm feeling. He outlined why he doesn't believe this setback means I've lost any of my progress, and explained...

My T just called and said he will be at the office tomorrow catching up on paperwork, and he wants to see me. So I see my GP at 930 and my T at 2. And tomorrow night I am staying at the martial arts school since in the past I've slept here when I couldn't sleep anywhere else. Maybe one or...

So my first memory is of the fight that led my mom to take me and leave my dad. I was 3.5, but I remember it crystal clear and always have. I've verified my memory with both parents so I know it is accurate. Second memory? It is of the first time my mom's dad touched my genitals. Third is of...

As I said in a different post, I had a really scary experience a while ago while dissociated. I "left reality" at church on a Sunday morning. I "came back" that evening, with about 450 acetaminophen pills missing. My fear was that I'd taken them. I had a scary trip to the emergency room, and...

Heard back from my T yesterday. He suggested going back to what worked 8 years ago. Basic survival techniques rather than trying to improve. He sent a bunch of links to coping strategies he wants me to use, based on his memory of what worked before. He had me send my psychiatric records to a...

From the age of 3.5 to the age of 12, I was a victim of a satanic cult. The abuse was horrible, and I witnessed and was forced to do things that they don't even put in horror movies. I had three uncles around my age (it was my mom's parents who were in the cult and I was with them a LOT) who...

Thanks everyone. I sent it off this morning. Sundays are church/rest/family days for both my therapist's family and my own, so I know it will be at least tomorrow before I hear from him. My fear now is that he won't get back to me. It's 18 days until my next appointment with him. I don't...

So, my T had surgery a few weeks ago, and won't be back in the office for three more weeks. On top of that, my psychiatrist abruptly left the practice at the end of June. My GP has been on vacation for 18 days, and just came back Thursday. I went and saw him, out of desperation, because I...

I don't run, but I DO do martial arts. I've gotten hurt a handful of times, and had people ask why I still do it if I got hurt. I can't explain very well, but it's a way of life. Just like your running is a way of life for you. You won't catch me telling you to give it up. I actually feel...

I am so sorry that pain management has been dropping the ball on you. I'm on a TON of psych meds, and I have had no issues getting the pain meds I need. We've worked together and been able to get me from 60-80 mg of hydrocodone a day down to 20-30 mg a day, by adding in a couple of...

My T is not a "trauma T" per se. He is the leading T in our region when it comes to trauma, though. He uses a variety of treatment modalities, and in my experience uses a perfect blend of patience, persistence, assertiveness, and mutual decision making. He's walked me through SO much, from...

It's totally normal. I've been in therapy for quite a while now, and I STILL feel intense fear and guilt when I tell him things. I was told, always, that if I told I'd be killed, my family would be killed, I'd never see them again. I was made to promise repeatedly not to tell. It took over...

I was raised in a cult from the age of three until the age of 12. Horrible, horrible things happened. Some of which I've written about in my trauma diary here, some of which I've never shared with a soul. The first T I saw for help as an adult, sort of believed me when I told him the bare...

I wear tactical pants, t-shirt, and in the winter usually a hoodie or a sweater. I have a nicer sweater I wear for church sometimes. I don't feel comfortable in skirts or dresses (dresses were part of the ritual abuse that happened to me), and I don't feel comfortable in pants I can't easily...

Also, I take Venlafaxine. It hasn't done much for me, but my psychiatrist insists that I should keep taking it. I've been on it about a year.