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Yes... sorrow. I get it. I've heard others express similar feelings when they reach old age and realize what will never be. It sounds like not exposing yourself to hurtful comments by isolating is your strategy to not have to mask. Have you ever had the experience of being around people who...

I realize that. I'm saying I haven't been very successful at it. This is despite many, many years of work, not due to lack of knowledge or effort. I'd appreciate it if you could be understanding rather than critical, but recognize that's beyond my control, so I will refrain from engaging any...

I can relate to a lot of what you say. Thank you for writing it. Especially this part: There are a few people in my life right now who I wish would understand this! I get it, I think. It's not a giving in, it's a self-acceptance. You don't have to be the way you would have been without the...

Yes. What you describe is quite common in dissociative systems. The main thing to keep in mind is that every part, no matter how difficult its behaviour might be in the present day, is trying to keep you safe as best it knows how, with the information it had available in childhood. It wouldn't...

It's an individual thing because as others have said, the range of symptoms is so broad. The cross-section of symptoms and life circumstances is even broader. I have to say that the biggest factor in how symptomatic I am or am not, still lies in circumstances outside of my control. That is...

I do not belong here. I knew this, but let myself briefly hope because the loneliness is so huge. I won't post anymore.

Agreed. If I answered that, I would be getting into the politics I don't want to get into, so I won't. My reality is so different. It's not about justice for me personally. I am here on this planet in this lifetime to help the world wake up. Some people tell me that my presence is enough, I...

Oh, and also, the Catholic church. Of course it's implicated in the residential school history. Then there are many religious people angry about any criticism of the church. Which gives me yet another thing to worry about triggering the **** out of me. The satanic cult I grew up in hid behind...

I'm sorry. I was sexually abused from early infancy. I'm freezing as I write this. That is one of the common effects, a strong freeze response, because fight and flight were not possibilities. Not necessarily. Your episodic memory may never be as clear as if it had happened at a later age, but...

I forgive myself for being sensitive.

Not sure if this is the right place for this thread. I'll start by saying I really don't want to get into discussing politics or opining on current events. I do have opinions, but this is not the place for them. I want to talk about how certain current events are affecting me. Still, I post...

I like that idea. Breathing helps. Breathe in through your nose, then out through your mouth, slowly. Good for me to remember. I also just made and drank a cup of organic cocoa sweetened with honey.

My friend came over for a visit, we had tea and exchanged a few gifts, and I decided not to go to her place. I can barely sustain a conversation. It feels like I'm trying to communicate from under water. My throat closes down and it's hard to get words out. My attention phases in and out as if...

Thank you. It sounds like there must have been a discussion somewhere else about what 1% means in this context. Could someone please fill me in?

I haven't decided yet. She's coming over later today and I'll see if I feel up to going home with her. It's so hard finding balance with this condition that turns on a dime between severe depression and severe anxiety, with no one in my life who really gets it (though there are a few who try)...

Yes. That's one thing that exasperates me about people. I wish we could be more tolerant of differences. So, I participate in other groups having to do with other parts of who I am, and it turns out I am too traumatized, and people judge that. And in groups on trauma, I am way out there bizzarre...

I succeeded in using the quote function. :-) I don't judge you for where you feel normal, whether you choose to talk about it or not. Some time ago I had a realization: while I may not have personally experienced everything there is for a person to experience, I've experienced enough that I...

I understand what it is to feel that way. I too have spent a lot of my life not wanting to live. I'm not trying to help you out of where you are because if I knew how to do that, I would have applied it to myself already. Just know I'm standing with you.

Plot twist: I got a phone call from a friend I was starting to think had given up on me, to say if I haven't made any other plans, would I like to come to Christmas dinner tomorrow. Oddly instead of feeling relieved, it feels even more like I'm sinking into a black pit. I could hardly hold it...

Maybe. I've been reading a while before signing up, and just as every group has an unspoken culture, so does this one. There are definitely parts of who I am that would be judged. Of course that's also true in person. I've become something close to a hermit over the past few years.

Yes. That too. It's only just this year I took a step back and thought about the possibility that all the Christmas movies and Hallmark cards and such are deliberate programming, to make those whose lives don't measure up to the ideal feel inadequate.

You're right, you certainly aren't. Unfortunately. That's one thing about me. I just don't accept what many call the human condition. It's not supposed to be this way. Sometimes I can feel all humanity's pain as my own. It's very heavy.

I get that. That level of depression, where you'd like to go to sleep and not wake up. And the overwhelming loss. I've called it malignant grief. Where you don't grieve each loss separately and move on, but they pile up one on another into a mountain. Not sure there's any connection between not...

Could someone describe to me how to use the quote function so I'm not replying to a whole post please? Thank you for the welcome. I relate to some of what you say. I wish I could scoop up everyone feeling this way, rent a venue and have a potluck and a gift exchange... with a quiet corner for...

Maybe the difference is between feeling different from everybody else, and actually being different from everybody else. I don't know which your case is. In my case I actually am. If I were to start listing the reasons, you'd agree pretty quickly. :-) I've been through it too many times...