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Normal for PTSD… that’s hard to define. His diagnosis is pretty new, and it sounds like he hasn’t been symptomatic long enough to know what is typical for him. Hell, my sufferer has been symptomatic the whole decade we’ve been together, and he still throws me for a loop sometimes. I’m sorry...

You’ll have to decide what you want, and make that call. She’s going to waffle. If you want to pursue a relationship, keep in mind how you feel now. If this is the way she reacts to stress, she’s going to do this to you a lot. Be prepared to go through this multiple times. Being a supporter...

Welcome to the forum @exhausted_supporter. I edited your spoiler. Don’t worry about trigger warning or hiding things with spoilers. You do not have to censor yourself here. People are in charge of managing their own triggers. Relax and speak freely. With that being said… Yep… that all...

@HisWife22 You need to communicate your boundaries for sure, and be consistent with enforcing them. He just does not get a say as to what your boundaries are. They’re *your* limits. It’s not a negotiation. So for instance, if you communicate that you will not tolerate name-calling, he does not...

@LuckiLee your mental health is just as important as his. Your needs are valid.

I just noticed this. There is no discussion about boundaries. She has no say in your boundaries… you set them, and you enforce them. She can choose to respect them or not, but they are yours. You cannot control anybody’s behavior but your own, so you have to remember that about boundaries...

Boundaries. All these strategies and methods will only work if she is in a place where she can manage them. You’re getting some great advice from sufferers here, but I’m looking at this from the supporter side. I’ve been in your space. If your sufferer is gunning for a fight or projecting...

This is my strategy. Arguing with a ramped up sufferer is like throwing gasoline on the fire. They’re not going to listen to a word you say anyway, may as well save yourself the stress. They may eventually get to a place when they can discuss, but this is the starting point. Don’t engage...

Welcome to PTSD Supporterland. Keep you hands and arms in the ride at all times, because they will get bitten off. I’ve been with my partner for a decade, and he still does wtf things. They don’t even know why they do what they do, so there’s no way we can. We just get used to patterns and...

Maybe this is a result of rehab or therapy. He’s learning about processing emotions without unhealthy coping mechanisms? That is a new factor, right? Even if he’s not doing it in the healthiest way by isolating at least he isn’t drinking. I don’t know you or him at all, all I can do is tell...

I’ve seen this before. Mine does this when he is pissed off and doesn’t want to take it out by yelling/arguing/saying things he can’t take back. He doesn’t trust himself to manage his anger, and he doesn’t want to hurt me. That being said, if he’s feeling hurt, he deserves it. He was abusive...

In my experience, my partner’s default is to not trust anybody at any time. I had to accept that about him and learn not to take it personally. I think he trusts me as much as he’s capable of trusting. It’s gets frustrating at times. Every time I sigh isn’t really an indication that I’m sick of...

For supporters? No. I’m just not sure what you’re looking for. “Regular” is a matter of opinion. Some people suck at relationships in general. Some people are selfish, or liars, or cheaters, etc. If you’re talking about a healthy relationship with no mental health issues in the mix, then it...

@OliveJewel, Don’t get hung up on the word “regular” and focus on that. That’s not really the point of the thread. Regular = nonPTSD relationship in this context.

A “regular relationship” is a phrase I think you’re getting caught on from another supporter thread. When we talk about “regular relationships” here, we’re referring to relationships without PTSD in the mix. One where we do not have to rearrange life around symptomatic partners. This part of...

That’s the thing when your partner has a mental illness. She may not be able to communicate more or tell you why she feels or acts certain ways. This isn’t a regular relationship. The regular relationship rules don’t apply. Love isn’t enough to make it work if she isn’t capable of being...

This is only three months in? I’d seriously rethink the effort you are putting in. There is a lot of relationship drama for what is essentially a honeymoon phase.

My advice is to step back and stop trying to manage or fix. It’s very early on and she is getting professional help. There is no guarantee that she is going to develop PTSD. As supporters, it’s in our nature to want to fix and help our partners. The hard lesson to learn is that we CANNOT. They...

If he is going to break up with you because you had surgery then maybe you dodged a bullet. What if you need surgery in the future? PTSD triggers are his responsibility to manage. You did nothing wrong at all.

Not everybody who is compassionate and supportive is codependent. “Being in the trenches” doesn’t have to be a negative thing. There are healthy ways to support without trying to fix or be a defacto therapist who takes on their partner’s struggle in unhealthy ways. That’s where your boundaries...

@Roland What type of advice are you looking for from the supporters specifically?

This is where a little communication could save a lot of stress and drama in a relationship. “When I’ve gotten close to people in the past, I’ve had a tendency to do ^^^. I don’t want to do this to you, and I’m going to try not to… can you be patient, and maybe call me out on it if you see me...

If you’re in a relationship, and you want your partner to stick around, you have to tell them why you’re acting the way you’re acting. That’s the bare minimum. You don’t have to tell them all the details of your trauma. Just telling them that you have PTSD and you’re overwhelmed is a start...

Are you asking for the ideal? What advice I’d give a sufferer from a supporter perspective? First would be to communicate and be honest. If you’re not capable of open dialogue then don’t be in a relationship with a supporter. Isolating isn’t doing us any favors. You’re (universal you) not...

If she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, she would have absolutely nothing to do with him. People make new friends. She has coworkers if she has two jobs. If she’s a student she has classmates. There are neighbors. She has you for emotional support. There’s nobody in the entire country...