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Shame. There is no end to mine. It is suffocating me. There is no attempt at happiness, no hope for healing that does not get smothered by it. There is only shame and its louder, more obvious cousin - guilt. I haven't come here for a long time. I am too ashamed. I know I don't belong here. My...

Hello, I could really use some advice. So, my partner is going to travel to a heavy metall, rock n roll event in vienna one week from now, its a birthday gift, and I am getting unspeakably anxious about it. Intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks to learning people have died, the works. My...

Hello. So, I am very ashamed having to admit this :sorry: but I think I have a problem. I waste way, way too much time in the internet and is has become an issue. I can just lose hours and hours at a time, not doing anything usefull at all. Not learning anything, no quality entertainment or...

http://birthmoviesdeath.com/2016/05/30/fandom-is-broken A great essay about vile and disgusting online culture, concerning pop culture. I am someone who really loves videogames, tv shows and movies, and I am saddened about what is going on. It has come so far, that I really need to watch where...

All day, every day, I feel so close to the place I want to be. I just can't get there. Like Tantalus is unable to reach the fruit and drink the water, I am incapable of reaching out to myself. I feel haunted by the person who I should have been. There is that feeling that a better version of...

Hello So, end of December I went to an introductory meeting in this supposedly great day-clinic that is specialized on trauma. They do an intensive out-patient 40 hours a week program. It was a wonderful meeting and after many disastrous experience I felt very understood there. They said...

Hello. This is difficult to write, as on one level I feel pretty worthless and stupid, but I can also recognize that I did great and I want to focus on that. Last year I generally did great, it was a good year for me, but end of December some new, and permanent, stressors entered my life and...

So, I have had two very bad months. You know, when everything is so awful that the few times one is not utterly numb one desperately wished one were. I don't even dare to hope that time is over now, but today I can think. For weeks now I have felt nothing but terror and confused hate and...

I am not really here. I am in a place long gone by. I want to go home now. But the past has its dirty claws in me. All the bad that happened seems so much more real then any of the good that followed. Sometimes there is no escaping memories. I feel now like I have felt back then. Helpless...

So, I am the one with PTSD. I am making progress and I work hard on myself. My partner makes zero progress for years, and yesterday was the point I could not take it anymore. He is become such a lazy, spoiled, slacking child, while I try hard to become a grown up everyday. This year it has...

Hello, so wednesday I have a super important meeting with a outpatient clinic, specialised on trauma. The only one I could go to. I am going crazy. Cannot think, cannot feel, but have these terrible emotions and thoughts. I am so super f*cking sure I am just a insane, lazy, slacker crybaby...

I am so f*cking proud! :joyful: One year no smoking. :woot: Not one cigarette. Not half a cigarette. Not a single goddamn PUFF for exactly 365 days. I cannot believe this. Had been a very, very heavy smoker for over 10 years. :laugh: I am gonna treat myself to a pizza for that. :sneaky: Which...

So, I am not doing so great. I am terrified of next thursday, because it is gonna a be a very difficult day for me, connected to trauma and shit. I will have to talk about it, which I never do, and do stuff I would rather not do, and well, you get the picture. The real problem is all my...

Lately I have felt down about myself. The tedium of it all gets to me, and I feel suffocating under my newfound responsiblity for myself. It felt like a very egoistic issue to have, so I have tried to just ignore it. Didn't work. Wrote a letter to a friend today, and the issue became clear to...

Today I felt crushing, painfull loneliness. I have not felt that way for ten years, when it was the worst of times. I am as isolated today as I have been for years. I did not mind at all. I liked it. I don't like it anymore. It feels like basic human needs that I have ignored for too long have...

I am broken. The abscence of joy. Life has been difficult the last weeks and darkness blooms. I look back and see pain, I look forward and see nothing. The nightmares are back, and I am unable to sleep and feel and think and breath. I look at love and feel despair. I fail to remember my dreams...

Hello, I would like to tell you guys about Kratom. Kratom is a herb that is legal in most places on the world, and I think its pretty amazing. In smaller doses it has positive effect on mood, energy on concentration and it helped me a lot. You ingest small amounts of ground up plant matter. Its...

Hello. Naturally, this forum mostly deals with the negative experiences with therapy and therapists. I am in the process of finding one and it its horryfing, absolutely terrifying to me. Three meetings, three disasters. So I thought I'd ask if any of you would like to share your positive...

I really dont understand how "should statements" are distorted thinking. Everyone I know uses these. I got brought up with hearing should statements a million times a day. School was should statements, home was should statements, and everything else even more so. Everything is "should" or...

Hello I had some amazing days, and feel better then ever. Even managed to do something that I havent done for over a year (dont wanna jinx it by naming it hehe) and two nights in a row I could explore something that I had forgotten. Calmness. I havent been this calm for a decade now, which...

Hello I am a bit desperate and confused right now, and would be very happy about any advice. I am just very clueless, as in: I have got no clue. So, I am getting welfare/unemployment money for a few months now. My welfare supervisor has no clue about PTSD whatsoever. She said, she would look...

I think I am doing it. I am really doing it. I am starting to live. For some people the challange is to get their life back. The challenge for me was living at all, to stop being a badly written, shallow character in another persons story. Being more then a background noise for people whose...

So, yesterday night the current crisis (got canceled on by yet another therapist. thanks bros, better only ever do cancel 20 hours before the metting you f*cking professionells. good job! fun fact: both therapist said they were experts in neglect. I think I misunderstood what they ment.) is...

Hello this is to those who know they suffer from a dissociative disorder. I would like to know if you can relate to what I try to put into words here. Any input appreciated. When I am not depressed, I feel confused. It seems to me, that other people have a much better grip on who they are. As...

Was so numb for days, but today I am not. And it hurts, the good kind of pain. The one that gets you thinking, moving and dreaming for a different, better life. I know what got me out of lethargy. I always wanted to write, but I do not. I wish I could wholeheartedly claim that I cannot write...