Search results

This is what I don't get. We may not all have sisters but we all have mothers. The numbers are disgusting. From what I've read it's 1 in 5 women are raped. I've been on a jury. It was 6 men and 6 women. There's a damn good chance 1 of the women was raped or 1 of the men's mother, sister or...

You're either very perceptive or lucky. That is exactly how my wife feels. No one will stand up and say rape is acceptable. As you say it is not , nor should it ever be acceptable. The problem is when you look at the raw data only 6 out of 1000 do time. What message does that send? The...

It was my wife and not my girlfriend but it really doesn't matter who it is. Actually my wife doesn't appreciate it. She sees it as her issue that she has successfully dealt with and I should not dwell on it. I've got a whole thread on it "just found out the details of my wife's rape" and a...

I don't obsess over my traumatic childhood when my parents divorced, Dad got custody of me and my brother and then my Mom had my Dad prosecuted for embezzlement over money from the family business that went into a joint account. I've really pushed that aside. What I do obsess over is my...

Kudos to you. The numbers are depressing. Go to Rainn.org and you will read some tough stats. It starts with going to the police. Hope you win and don't let the bad stats stop you. Try to improve them.

Junebug, My wife amazes me. She's handled this well. Reading Buhdist books helped the most. Life is suffering and bad things happen to good people but you have to move on. She did but it was 25 years ago. She told me in general detail 10 years after it happened. Full details have...

That was fascinating. Especially the transgender's interview. If it were safe I'd like to try it for a month or 2. The power of hormones over the way we think and behave is as amazing as it is powerful. From reading here it's even more amazing sexual trauma is more powerful than hormones...

Richard, I just sent you a message with some options on conversing. I'm not surprised you've won awards. I do think you have a misperception of "crush everyone under a mountain of letters". I'm open to a 2 way exchange but I think you should not restrain your gift of writing. It sounds...

Richard, To start with you write with a degree of eloquence that is delightful to read despite the difficulty of the subject matter. You may have more female than male friends but I'd sit down and drink a beer with you any day. I imagine you're like me and write better than you converse...

PS, I've been where you are. Not the 10 months of abstinence but the desire to remove my desire for my wife. I knew before we married she was raped at 13 by her boyfriend at the time. She disclosed it a few months in but it had no impact on our sex life. Like most it was very frequent...

I do but it was not my trauma it was my wife's. She was date raped on New Year's eve. Been together 17 years but only known that for the last 2 years. The first 15 it was "last chance for 20??". The last 2 have been bad. I'm high drive and don't even attempt on New Years. This is just...

As a husband of a wife who was raped it's tough from my side as well. Once the honeymoon phase was over (sex daily or multiple times daily) and it became clear I was the high drive partner it was tough. Having kids was the high point of my life but the low point of my sex life which is...

My wife told me way after the fact just as a disclosure before we got married. It happened before we met. I believed her I just didn't ask about it. That was until 2 April's ago. When I asked in more detail what was a 23 year old healed(?) wound for her became a very difficult open wound for...

Email your boss Rainn.org's stats on rape conviction. 6 out of 1000 are convicted and do time. If she doesn't believe you she would have to believe the facts are totally against you. That is if you are willing to tell what happened. I'd hate to tell 1 person who told another to get approval...

As a male this is where I ran into these situations. First time sex is just awkward but when things move that direction it is exhilerating. At 47 things were not really discussed when I was in my teens and early 20's. That seemed to be the quickest way to kill the potential of anything...

Rain, It is sad but I have nothing on many people here. I actually feel fortunate. The older I get the more I realize more families are dysfunctional than normal. I wouldn't feel that cutting off all contact destroys your dream of of having a loving happy family. I was unloading the...

I am on the opposite end of the equation. Kind of like Scout. My Mom's an alcoholic/narc and I cut off communication with her 2 years ago. Before I did I let her know it was a possibility. I told her if I treated my kids like she treated me I would want them to cut off contact with me. I...

OP, I don't know why I didn't mention it above but the double standard for the number of partners a man has vs a woman is a crock of s**t. If I were a woman and a partner insisted on knowing your number I wouldn't disclose but I would ask questions: 1. How many women who threw themselves...

I was guilty of being thought to have not heard what happened. When my wife first disclosed what she had been date raped she was upset and unsure of how to disclose or how I would handle it. My response was flat. Not out of disinterest but with her being upset, me not comprehending what...

Only thing she ever told me was to watch Inside Out. Apparently I don't process my emotions properly. I skip sad and go straight to mad. I watched it but I still skip sad.

My wife disclosed the fact that she had been raped when our dating turned serious. It took 15 years for me to ask the details of what happened. That was a big mistake. I've got a fairly long thread on it if you need any justification to not disclose I'd recommend reading it. She asked if I...

FMW, You made my day. What kills me is rape seems to be normalized. My only advice on when you tell whomever you date is that you not go into details. 2 years ago I asked my wife what "exactly" happened. It was a big mistake. To say I didn't handle it well is an understatement. I'm...

I started dating my wife 8 years post rape. She was a virgin and date raped by her boyfriend who told her group of friends they were going to have sex at a new years eve party without her knowledge. She didn't want to have sex until college at the time so not only was she raped but she was...

I couldn't have said that better Friday.

Changeling, Question for advocates #3 hit home. I really do think my wife has handled what her boyfriend (date rapist) at the time did very well. I'm in much worse shape which is kind of pathetic. I've done what was recommended here and by her and gone to therapy. It will be 2...