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I'm not sure if I have ever had the same experience as this. The heaviness of my traumatic past doesn't cause me to minimize my current stresses. If I ever care to think about it explicitly, I usually feel that the depth of my trauma helps to ground me. Nothing that can happen to me now is ever...

As a single mom, I used dating apps because there really was no other way for me to meet people. All told, I was on and off it for about 15 years. I had one relationship lasting 6 months, another 1 year, and now my boyfriend (I think he's the real deal) for 3 years. Often, it was horrifying and...

My ptsd does not stem from CSA, so I can't truly know the impact it would have on intimacy. For this reason, I might be talking out of turn, but it seems sad to me that it can result in people giving up on love and intimacy altogether. Part of my motivation to heal from my past has been to try...

This is an interesting thread. I think I read through pretty much all of the posts, and people had different angles that made me think more about this. The way I interpret "innocent" in regards to victimization is kind of in the accountability sense. Someone who is victimized is not accountable...

Thanks @Movingforward10 . I'm going to look into this. I've actually been interested in the notion of "ancestral trauma" (if I understand it correctly) in another context. My mother's mother was severely abused by both her husband and mother-in-law - beaten and starved, and no recourse because...

Thanks for your replies. I think we're all agreed that it's a messed up thought. In general, I agree with your comments. I don't think anyone should feel responsible for reparenting anyone besides themselves. But the question I had was about whether this line of thinking would have a beneficial...

Just wondering if this is a good idea. Doesn't feel like it. After meditating today, my mind started to think about my narcissistic, sadistic father as a child, the hurt he must have endured in order to become the mess he became. I thought about all the things he didn't get, all the wrong things...

I just want to thank you for posting this video again, @OliveJewel. It was like she was speaking my thoughts (but better and more informed). She has a youtube channel called "Crappy Childhood Fairy" and has a bunch of videos on coping and healing from cptsd. I'm subscribing!

I'm not sure if that's good or bad. lol. I've been thinking so much about trust. I'm wondering if that's something I gave to my son, distrust about the world because that has been my worldview. Obviously, the world does present uncertainty and threats sometimes, but the healthy person isn't...

I can relate to feeling brutish in my younger days as a result of my upbringing. There are parts of me that still feel that way. It was/is a combination of feeling angry, lacking social skills, and having a torrent of needs and emotions that were unfulfilled. I don't think there's any easy...

Hmmm. I don't think there has to be certainty, but I feel like there is a basic sense of trust that many people have who grow up with healthy parents that I do not have. I'm not sure we're on the same page about how we see trust. It seems you think that it is socially constructed and therefore...

Yes, I've heard the term "healthy narcissism". I see the virtue in embracing that term. It's okay to invest energy into yourself. You can do that in a "healthy" way without negating anyone else or being delusional. I like that.

I agree. I was thinking today about primary narcissism. There's no way humanity would survive if we weren't born narcissistic and entitled to everything. When we're babies, we demand all of our needs be met despite not contributing or reciprocating help in any way to the provider. Now that's...

I wanted to clarify that I had other dissociative responses to my trauma, but clinical depression was just the one time. Yeah, when I put the work in, every time I put the pieces back together, more parts cohere in the whole. I hope you're able to work through your current mental state for the...

Agree to disagree. That debate would be a whole other thread.

Wow, how insensitive. I remember some of what I was thinking during my 20s when I thought I was going down the narcissistic path. There was a huge disconnect from my experience and the other's experience. Mine was important and real - the other's was 2 dimensional and lacked reality. I...

I've been depressed before, but only once was I so depressed that I felt it was clinical and accepted medication for it. For me, the experience was primarily "energetic" and not cognitive, and it felt as though I was fighting the tide. I had no chance of winning. I appreciate your thoughts on...

Thanks @Rosebud! I think this is what some psychologists mean when they say narcissism is "compensatory". They're trying to make up for something that they lack. That's interesting to frame it that way - unable to accept influence. I'm fond of a philosopher, Ricoeur, who thinks self-identity is...

I'm definitely watching this. Thanks!

Thanks @scout86 . Well said and clarified! I think there were moments when I starting riffing without going back to read, so thanks for doing that. There's been a lot written since I last signed on, so please forgive me if I miss addressing any of your points. I'm actually quite busy getting my...

I'm sorry that you had psychologists say that to you. Trust is such a profound thing that when violated is so horrible, especially when it comes to the state of our mental health. Another thing I've been reading about is Betrayal Trauma Theory. It states that even more primordial than the...

Thanks for that reminder. Yes, all genders. Being objectified in that way is a horror and should be treated as such. I think that men have the particular sting of not getting the recognition they deserve due to societal baises. Thanks @Mach123. These are not easy thoughts, and I think we have...

I think this is true in many parts of the world and in America too. I think it's really sad that girls and women are still made to feel that they are to blame for sexual victimization. Sometimes even their families can make them believe that it was their fault. I think what you're talking about...

The articles don't speak to parenting by heterosexual and homosexual parents at all. Object relations are theoretical constructs. I 100% believe that children have good outcomes with same sexed parents, and know some great families in which that is true. These articles do not weigh in on that...

I'm going to go back to my position that I'm not a psychologist, so I'm not sure how to interpret the ways psychologist describe object relations. I know it's crucial to identity formation, the failure of which leads to narcissism. I think we would all agree that gender matters in the way a...