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I totally agree that this seems like an anxiety thing. I've looked up a bit about emotional regulation because I always was holding onto so much tension. It has to come out somehow. Good for you being honest with us! Google emotional regulation at myshrink -may be helpful to explain how we can...

Obviously I can only speak for myself...I'm learning to have compassion for that little person, trying to deal. Anger is so completly understandable. I'm so sorry you were hurt.

Awww..thank you! Can I ask, what specifically?

For me, I always thought it was just normal to have this vision of a child that I would physically abuse. Later it turned into self abuse. It wasn't until I started learning about DID that some things started to make sense. I'm not diagnosed but would say I'm on the lower end of the scale. Like...

What helped me was to study about emotional flashbacks that can be just as debilitating. It's like getting stuck looking at the world (for me) through a child's eyes and all these overwhelming emotions are happening that no child can deal with! But once I realized that it was actually a...

@Muse Google Healing Broken Bonds: Attachment, Trauma and the Body. It's actually a slide PDF but some of the info got to me in some really deep places.

For what it's worth, I don't understand why your T would want you to 'gently' try and force a memory. It has been so SO helpful to try and make peace with that inner child that I have FIRST. I also am high on the dissociative scale and actually have had a hard time believing it at all. But I...

Found this quote... "The profound impact of a disorganized attachment history on all future relationships, even therapeutic ones, should never be underestimated. It manifests in an intense and chronic phobia of the treatment and the caregiver that undermines the treatment and appears as...

This is so true. And so sad. We go searching for help and we find someone who further wounds us. Its especially hard when we are still trying to find healthy boundaries for self. I tend to get stuck in "child mode" and that is such a vulnerable place. I'm not quite sure why she said it. But I...

Made me laugh too! And so true. I would hate to have someone that didn't challenge me to move out of my comfort zone! Love this! Sometimes we need to hear it straight! This would be a great way to get out some of this anger :)

Yes, validation would have been nice. I've always tried to appear strong but it scared me to death. I hate therapists! And you brought up the "exposed" word...Ugg

Very helpful. I will consider her words with a grain of salt. Wondering though, is it that we hear things differently through a lens of ptsd, other than they were intended?

No definitely resistant. But its ok. I am aware that a lot of triggers are there...apparently for all of us. That's why I chose a female because I had so many issues with my own mother. I agree about needing to feel safe and trust enough to begin to process. I am blessed to have a friend that...

I'm not sure if she is a trauma therapist. I actually chose her because of her approach to attachment issues that she believes can only be solved through relationship. Another thing she said was that I have relational issues. Duh!

Yes I will definitely ask her. And good advice, progress IS made from resolving conflict.

I have finally ventured into the world of therapy. Because of attachment issues I have always feared getting a T. So the very first day she looks at me and says I am resistant. I am trying to be patient because it's a new relationship but she hit a trigger! And now I will vent. Wouldn't anyone...

This! I love all of this. I was hurt at such a young age that I basically shut out my mom. (To this day I want to hate her but have no idea why) I read about this somewhere as being equivalent to neglect when we don't feel safe enough to process the trauma and so become the one that shuts out...

Yes! I totally understand! I had to learn as you did to respect myself more than to just give away pieces of myself to people that didn't care that in reality it was hurting me. Don't give up searching for someone who will give you the Affection you need without it being tied to sex. People...

Yup. Totally have transference issues with the one person that truly seems to care. Older female. I really want to be angry at myself for not controlling my feelings better but I am trying to have compassion and understand that transference is all about trying to recreate my trauma and not...

My younger self is 4. I have treated her horribly, saw her as weak. When I finally got to talk to her, she held no hatred toward me. For me, it's not that child that needs the healing. It's me. The person who put up all these walls to protect me and also hold me in. I've held onto to self hatred...

What helped me to finally "see" the child me was when I started to have all these intense feelings about my helper. I had to read up on the whole transference thing to realize that the overwhelming feelings were actually from child me. So I agree @Panda Bear but it's so hard to stop and filter...

Not sure if this pertains to you, but recently found this quote. "The profound impact of a disorganized attachment history on all future relationships, even therapeutic ones, should never be underestimated. It manifests in an intense and chronic phobia of the treatment and the caregiver that...