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@gizmo I don't really know if I'm strong enough. I do know that I'm tired. I'm tired of carrying this all around and checking out to get a break. I'd like to live my life instead of being stuck in the past, but I don't think I'll get past it completely, that sounds pretty impossible. I know in...

It's been recommended to me multiple times, but I haven't tried it mostly because I didn't want to vividly recall my traumas in front of a therapist and I thought there were too many of them. I had a sense it would be too much for me. But now my flashbacks are getting really bad again, I'm...

I almost did online therapy, it has a definite advantage for somebody who gets uneasy in social situations. But for me, it would have been too easy to hide. I don't usually come right out and say what I'm thinking in therapy, so an important piece is that my t can see my body language and tone...

I'm not aware of how much I dissociated when I was really young, I know that I lost huge chunks of time and sometimes I would often end up confused about where I'd been. But I first became aware of it and able to induce it by choice around the age of 9. I called it "going away" I would tell...

I do grounding techniques as well. I try to find something from each of the senses, sight, sound, smell, hearing and taste, well not taste usually but you get the idea. I also repeat the date in my head and out loud if I need to. I say how old I am right now. It helps me remember that I'm safe...

I try not to measure myself in comparison to others. Objectively it's pretty clear I still struggle a lot, and to an extent most people only do with chronic SMI, but I laughed genuinely and uproariously at three things this morning, because I have basic emotions again. I can leave the house and...

Maybe it's a coincidence,but my younger sister was also very ill as well when she was a baby. She had some birth complications with her airways being blocked and she had a lot of problems with bronchial infections and apparent asthma during her first year. She also has autism, and she was...

This is Mini. She's a Miniature Pinscher, 7 years old, last time she was weighed about 6 kg. She;s the only dog I've ever had that actually likes being picked up and carried around. She's pretty spoiled really

I understand completely where you're coming from. When we're small we have no way to protect ourselves or safely express our anger and hurt at the hands of those who are supposed to protect us. When I first began therapy, and to an extent still, it was easier to be angry at the people who stood...

In retrospect, yeah, I kind of regret posting this it was a bit TMI. I guess the problem partially is that I post cryptic comments just as often as I say cryptic things, on social media people notice more, and not everyone takes it the right way. I forget sometimes that most people don't view...

I may have overreacted a bit too, maybe I was harsh. But it's like, what does my innocuous statement have to do with him? Nothing at all. More than anything it was self deprecating, but he chose to make something about me about him. Like it always seems to be. It's partially just our personal...

I hate this bs. I made a post on instagram with a pic of my stuff being packed, relatively innocent, a comment about moving in two weeks and some hash tags. My hash tags in this case being #nobodycares and #documentingahobolife both of them being mostly in jest, because I move around a lot...

@FridayJones I do find that sometimes it's that I've skipped the step of "I have a problem how do I fix it" and go to "I can't deal with this, I want out" and that's when I can calm down. I often know the solutions to day to day problems but I feel powerless to do anything about them, so...

@Chava I'm actually a huge nerd. I love anime, I love comics and I love art and writing. I find that when I get more active in my fandoms I generally get a lot less suicidal and depressed, it's the more lighthearted side of life. That's probably what kept me at least partially sane all these...

@joeylittle I was there for a while, I just lived while I wanted to die, and it was a constant struggle. I guess somewhere along the way I started to realize there were a lot of people who'd lived through things like I had and I started to get angry on their behalf. It was easier than being...

I have a chronic suicidiality about me, I think about it whenever I'm even mildly stressed. I don't know that I'm actually suicidal in the sense that I'd make another attempt, I've improved a lot in the last year or so and I can't see myself becoming that hopeless again, I don't want to throw...

I guess wiping out bad is a universal of childhood :P @anthony it's funny what's cool when you're a kid, I told that story a million times at school and actually got a lot of playground cred for it. I don't know, there's something about a good scar story

I really get where you're coming from here. I was really lost when I got my first apartment at 18, I felt alone and scared and even though I had taken care of myself and others for most of my life I was never shown how to do it healthily. I thought nobody would want to be around me except the...

I think when we're young the way we remember is so different to our adult/adolescent memory that it makes sense we wouldn't have explicit memory of our earliest trauma, and yet it's still been shown time and again that people have trauma in early childhood fare the worst. I think even the...

This, exactly this. My mom used to tell me we were lucky that we had her because "not all kids have parents that love them and take care of them" which is pretty damn messed up to look back at everything. It was largely to keep us afraid of family and children's services, that we'd be a lot...

I have a difficult time forming attachments as well. I don't get past a certain level of intimacy with anyone. The closer I feel to somebody the more anxiety provoking it is to be around them. All of my important relationships have been a result of other people making the initiative and kind of...

When I was about 10 I was really into biking, both mountain biking and of course, bmx tricks. Because really, that's the age every kid wanted to be Tony Hawk. So I'm peddling along our gravel driveway and I hit a rock, a pretty big one apparently, because I fly over the handle bars. I manage to...

I definitely relate to what you feel, I get compliments from people and I'm only just being able to accept that they really see it that way, not even that it's true, but that people perceive me as attractive, intelligent, and a good person. I felt disgusting in every way for a long time, but I'm...

My lease is up in two weeks so I have to make calls and set up viewings, on Mon I have to talk to my odsp worker and even though I know she's there to help me I get really anxious when I have to talk with her. I think it's the authority figure thing. Buuuut if I don't I won't have a place to...

I was the brunt of it a lot of the time when it came to my first stepdad. My older step sister started singling me out too, because I was the "freak" so she would lock me in closets while she played with the younger kids. Everyone in the family thought I was the freak. I got picked on for...