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Like movingforward10 said, finding that window if tolerance helps. That is something that your therapist is there to help with. I've done exposure work with a therapist specialising in sexual trauma and it did help me stabilise and get on with life but much of my trauma remained in different...

@arfie @Tinyflame I've been thinking about the discussion on hypervigilance and adrenaline junkie here because I was finding it quite difficult to relate. During trauma (perpetrator still in the room) I shut down, freeze, dissociate. Even when it's just a trigger (a false alarm) and not...

Great way of wording it. It's good to know I'm not alone in this. I guess the difficulty with relying on my therapist is that they're not always around to ask.

I experienced trauma in childhood, then a repeating pattern of trauma through adolescence and into my early thirties. Part of that pattern was due to a habit of minimizing, denial and excusing abuse by creating reasonable explanations for it and normalizing it in my mind. I clearly had complex...

My first ever therapist asked me to do a timeline of anything that I felt was significant. I did, and because of that timeline and other symptoms, she felt unable to work with me. That was a bit of a shock at the time but actually she was honest and helped me to find someone more suitable...

Hi Jessme, It seems a good first step to not delete what you've written. I think I read more than share here because of my own worries and I sometimes write replies and don't post them. But I'm grateful to those that do post because it helps me to reflect on those experiences in my own life...

I think there are so many things to consider that sometimes you might need to trust your instincts but at the same time be honest with yourself about what you need. I say that because I am very avoidant and have to be honest with myself about that My own therapy has been in several parts...

I'm in the UK too but still feel lucky. My first therapist was an NHS person but she recognized that I needed longer term therapy and helped me to find a charity that specialized in sexual trauma. My therapist there was amazing and I always felt comfortable because she knew about trauma. With...

CBT is about the thoughts you have and how these affect you in the here and now, but it also looks at where those thoughts formed and that might have been in the past and during trauma. I'm not a fan of CBT, but it does suit some people, and in the UK, it's the first option on the NHS for most...

I think there's a lot of therapists out there that don't understand responses to trauma. The person that said this to you didn't understand it for sure. From what I understand, when we've experienced dissociation during trauma, it is likely to happen when reminded of the trauma. It's the...

It could be that it's more relevant to find out why it's bugging you rather than answer the question of what is or isn't dissociation.

I used to wake in the night, unable to recall any nightmare, but with a totally realistic feeling that something terrible had happened. I seem to be over that now, but I lack trust that life can go well, and often experience anxiety that something bad is about to happen. I think it's probably...

Theres so many reasons, from the good (or at least reasonable), the bad and the ugly. But I think its reasonable to want to understand why. I think maybe the way to go about it is to think about asking them, and how to ask them.

Great thread, feel like I'm learning new languages. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater - keep what s good. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face - it'll hurt you more than anyone else. Were you born in a barn? - shut the door. f*ck that for a bunch o sundays - Im not doing that...

I relate to that feeling of not being able to recall what it's like to be down when you're up, or what it's like to to be up when you're down. It's perhaps made more difficult when what should be happy times, like a holiday, turn bad.

Bike

@whiteraven @Muttly thank you o much for sharing your stories of positive relationship experiences. They give hope.

This sounds like good self-care. I hope you feel better soon.

I think old fasioned relationship roles can seem imbalanced, but when the roles suit and there is mutual respect for the others worth in their role, then there isnt a power imbalance. I grew up in a household controlled by one person and we were made to act happy, even when we werent. I think...

I know I may come across as younger. In understanding the workings of healthy relationships, I am clearly lagging behind where I should be. But I am in my late forties. I have had relationships and repeated the same patterns. I thought Id escaped and recovered from that, then I dated someone...

Im glad you shared this, its encouraging. And yes, hopefully we will both make progress. This is something else I stuggle with. Advice from my therapist was that if theres something I know I want to talk about, to say straight away, I have something I want to talk about today... rather than...

@Friday that was a really powerful story. Im not sure how to respond or reflect it onto my own situation. I think it highlights how little I understand about myself in relationship.

windows

@wisteria I know you already have some really good replies here, but just wanted to add my thoughts. Im about 4 months with this therapist and am only just starting to trust - I know im starting to trust because Im starting to worry about him not wanting to work with me (rejection). The 2...

I find it difficult to put my trust in this one. It sounds like something that people would say, but needs to be shown in action. This one is interesting because in my mind, a good friendship is mutual. Both people have opportunity and necessity to be there for each other. I guess I relate to...