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You guys and your brains that work... I swear! Can't an old guy even whine and bitch and think about things like he's 10 years old on here? ? (But gotta say I'm glad I get called out on stuff like this on here... Thanks)

I'd like to join the "knocks you on your ass" Club... I only started a few weeks ago, and I swear I've been a mess ever since I started....

That's just depressing... I've wasted most of my life not dealing with stuff... A few years of trauma, and 50 years of avoidance... I'll have to deal with stuff faster, unless I'm going to live to 108! If it was a friend, I'd have no problem doing stuff for him or her. But I guess if it was...

When stuff like this happens, I realize that that's gonna take some time... Every time I think I'm doing well, everything falls apart... I sent an email to my therapist telling him how upset I am, and why... Because if I didn't send it, I might not bring it up with him... But we either have...

I'm going to force myself to go to the gym today, even though I'd rather be home in bed hiding from the world. I've always just figured that I'd be in a "club of one" forever... The feeling of standing in a group of people and feeling totally separate and different. Everybody here is forcing...

Thank you. This place has become really important to me already. ?

That’s ok, I’ll fill in the blanks with the ones I usually call myself. He was in the (Canadian) Navy during WW2. When I think about it, his father was from Germany, and my father hated him. It wouldn’t surprise me if he signed up to get back at his father. He hated him so much that he...

You should have met my family.. They were experts at it... and I'm starting to learn that my father was not typical of vets or the police... My therapist is always amazed at the fact my father was raping me and calling me a faggot. (I hate that word, but sometimes it just works....) I'm fine...

I'm not sure how well I'm really doing...Yesterday I spent from 6:00 in the afternoon until 11:00 writing to my therapist about what happened. I think I cried for about 4 hours straight... I asked him over and over for months to talk to the other therapist to find out if he could work with my...

I’m waiting at my doctor’s office to see my doctor - who I have to fight with every time I need anything. I just don’t have the energy to fight. I’ll try to respond to people later. There’s so much people have said that I want to reread and analyze when I have time. I can’t deal with it now...

EMDR kind of went well. We talked a bit about the crap I'm stuck dealing with, then worked on some more exercises. It actually helped me calm down a bit. At least while I was there it did. I get home, and after emailing my therapist's office Intake person earlier to tell her to stop - I...

Sometimes I just feel like I am banging my head on a wall... I wanna be dealing with my abuse, and instead I'm dealing with this shit. In my email to the therapist who owns(?) or runs the practice, I said I didn't want to deal with intake because I'm too upset, and within 5 minutes I get an...

I'm SO pissed off right now... We've been trying to get an appointment for my husband to start therapy in the same office as my therapist. In November, we contacted their Intake "specialist"to try to get him an appointment. She said she'd contact the therapist and get back to us before the end...

Maybe that's what it is... Since I started therapy and the flashbacks started, things like road rage are happening a lot... But yeah, I've discussed how I'm filled with anger all kinds of times at therapy... It's really weird because I've been terrified of doing anything dangerous my whole...

OK, that made me laugh... When you put it like that, I guess I am dragging myself... or my brain is telling me it's fed up with all the denial, and it's time to deal with everything now that both my parents are dead... (thank god...)

That's what I love about this place... I don't feel alone... Yep, so many people here just get it... Reactions leaking out? Like trying to drive to work every day and finding myself driving like an idiot because I've been cut off so many times that something "snaps"? I still don't know what...

But, I'm not sure being dragged kicking and screaming my way through deserves to be called "brave"... (I'm still working on not attacking myself - saying something nice is even tougher.) OK, I'll try to give myself some credit... My therapist always says that a lot of clients say they want to...

I think I'm starting to realize that when I feel like this, I really am thinking like a kid. Dealing with everything is screwing with my brain... Somehow I made it through fine the first time... It's the second time that's tough. I'm not feeling brave... You've said I'm brave, my therapist...

Yeah, it was my regular therapist who suggested I go to an EMDR therapist. He said he thought it would be good for me... and he mentioned it might be rough sometimes... I feel like the Captain of the Titanic... about to collide with an iceberg. It's going to happen whether I want it to or...

I hate days like this... I have EMDR this afternoon at 5, and I woke up at 3 in the morning... I'm having to force myself to even write this... I've been wasting time watching television, going online, eating, drinking about 5 coffees... Pretty much anything I can do to try to avoid thinking...

I always think I'm in love with a song until I hear it when I'm stuck in Southern California traffic... Suddenly it's just annoying and I hate it.... Then I hear it on the treadmill later and it's suddenly the best song ever again... You need to do what works for you... I used to live near...

What's even more funny is that I used to live in the Bay Area, and when you said estuary, I pretty much figured you might be there Yeah, the treadmill is pretty boring.... I just put on earphones and play whatever kind of music I'm in the mood for... and being at the gym, just watching people...

I took up swimming about 4 years ago after being terrified of water my whole life... I eventually ended up doing about 50 laps a day... in an outdoor Olympic pool.. The joy of California is I can't use cold weather as an excuse... I understand about the pain thing... A few years ago I ripped...

I have a medical marijuana card, and If I could find a CBD pen that worked, I'd use it, but I've pretty much given up on it. Sativa works well for me... Indica was the kind that made me feel totally out of it. I've tried all different kinds of CBD pens, but they didn't really do anything for...

When I went for my sleep study in a lab, I lay there, and lay there, and lay there.... Freaking out that I wasn't sleeping, only to find out when the technician came in that I had slept a few hours, and that was enough to see I had Sleep Apnea... I"m now happily attached to a CPAP every...