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Getting myself ready to go to EMDR tonight. Last week was the first time we tried it, and the past week has been crazy with flashbacks. I got warned that I might have more flashbacks, but DAMN... Of course, I have to work and go to the gym before EMDR... But those are barely on my agenda...

Thanks. I never get tired of the view ?

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Thanks... I appreciate it. ?

Even though it's just sitting there looking beautiful, it makes me happy just seeing it every day.

I'm just now realizing how important music is to me... and how my music choices reflect where my mind is at without realizing I'm doing it... Last night I put on my "flashback music"... Songs that remind me of my childhood/teenage years... Most of the music I listened to back then had a theme...

This is the second time in the past day that I start responding, and next thing I know I'm in the middle of a flashback. Which I make it through after an hour or so, but by then I forget to respond. Sorry. The fact that you "got" my thing, and related to it, made me cry. Considering I had to...

This pic is from last year, but it looks pretty much like this right now too...

It's totally amazing to me... I read your response, and needed time to think about it. People here have already made me feel less alone. There's a new show on Audible called Strong Ending - about Combat vets with PTSD learning to do standup... and although I didn't get PTSD in a war, their...

I'm amazed how much people on here can sort of read my mind. Yeah, I wanna just barrel on through everything and get over all my flashbacks, but I think I'm learning that that may not be realistic. I guess I can stop reading book after book after book on abuse for a day or two.. ? It's sort...

OK, I'll try to relax a bit... I've got EMDR on Tuesday... Maybe I can actually take some time before that to think about something other than the abuse...? I've learned to work the system most of the time... I can figure out anything that works logically. Or sort of logically. But there's no...

It's the strangest thing to talk with people who actually understand. I think my therapist is amazing, but I always assume that he'll suddenly find a reason to dump me. He had an emergency one week and had to cancel - I had myself convinced that I had said something that finally pushed him...

It's hard to accept that anyone actually cares... I grew up depending on myself. There was no one safe to turn to... so I'm not too good with support. I usually just blow things off by insulting myself as a joke. But inside, there's a part of me that feels good that I'm not totally alone any...

Yeah, maybe it's grief... I'm not too good at figuring out what I'm feeling... It's weird how songs are hitting me lately... I was listening to "Dance with my father" by Luther Vandross and started sobbing... I definitely wouldn't want to dance with my father if he was still alive... I'd want...

God, you're opening up a can of worms in my brain (Sort of like that visual)... I'm one of those "non-touchy-feely, let's think intellectually" kind of guys... and the idea of parts is still hard for me to go with yet... Although, I do find myself saying, "well, one part of me wants to ___ ...

I'll do the usual and hit the gym tomorrow... I still can't believe I like to walk... or row... or sorta lift weights... but it's definitely self-care... (well, to me it is!) Maybe I do need a "do whatever I feel like" day... plus, shut down my Sherlock Holmes brain that never stops trying to...

Thank you... It's really odd, I'm listening to a Michael Bublé song about wanting to be "home"... I'm sitting here sobbing.... I'm not sure why.... damn ... I grew up in hell, not a home... Maybe it's just hearing people who would actually want to go home and mean it? Great, if that was a...

I've said things out loud to other people about my PTSD without even thinking... I was talking with someone and somehow told them I had PTSD, and when they asked the usual "why?", I said, "From being beaten and raped over and over by my father when I was a kid". They looked horrified, and I...

I'm working on accepting that it's OK that it took me until now... My usual thing would be to find a way to blame myself... Went to therapy last night, and the therapist seems to agree with you... I guess I'm doing well dealing with all these flashbacks... Which is good, since it seems that...

It's funny, I definitely don't feel like I have clarity and self awareness... but every time I have a flashback, the pieces start to come together in my mind. I write it up as I'm reliving it.... In the middle of feeling terror, I can still sort of know it's now... I tend to forget everything...

Thanks so much. It’s strange getting support around AIDS... There definitely wasn't any back then. ?

Gotta go to therapy in a few (thank God!).... But yep, think you definitely get it... Sorry about your brother... When I was about 21 I fell head over heels in love with a guy who got sick with AIDS... When I told my mother, her only comment was "So what, people die every day, big deal"...

I've finally learned that there are good therapists and HORRIBLE therapists out there... I got involved in a Men's Survivor's organization many years ago, and ended up on the Board with all kinds of bigwigs who had written books. I went to a few Board meetings. They were having a conference in...

I've been using it for the last while since I started dealing with my abuse. (Legally in California). Strange thing is that I quickly realized that vaping lets down my guard enough to handle flashbacks. So, even though I sort of use it to escape, my main reason I vape it is to remember... It's...

Thanks... and that was the tame version of my life! I wasn't sure how much detail to share, so I wrote down the sanitized version (!)