Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

[TTC18]

What a wonderful gift to yourself!!!

 

[PTSDGuy]

What a wonderful gift to yourself!!!

Even though it's just sitting there looking beautiful, it makes me happy just seeing it every day.

 

[Marvel545]

So sorry you went through what you went through :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Good!!!

About the gift to yourself :)

 

[PTSDGuy]

So sorry you went through what you went through :hug:

Thanks... I appreciate it. ?

 

[PTSDGuy]

Good!!!

About the gift to yourself :)

?

 

[bellbird]

This is the second time in the past day that I start responding, and next thing I know I'm in the middle of a flashback. Which I make it through after an hour or so, but by then I forget to respond. Sorry.

No worries at all. This is your space, and if replying to posts is what you want to do then that's great, and if you don't want to reply to posts then that's also great -- we understand either way :hug:

Considering I had to be taught that crying was OK by my therapist

I understand what it's like to be made to feel like crying isn't ok. I'm so glad you had a therapist that could teach you otherwise, though.

I appreciated your reply more than you can imagine.

That really means a lot to me to hear you say that.

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and I decided it was time to fix that... I bought myself a full size electronic piano.

The biggest smile came across my face at this point. What an awesome thing to do for yourself :hug:

 

[TTC18]

How's your day going, @PTSDGuy ?

 

[PTSDGuy]

How's your day going, @PTSDGuy ?

Getting myself ready to go to EMDR tonight. Last week was the first time we tried it, and the past week has been crazy with flashbacks. I got warned that I might have more flashbacks, but DAMN...

Of course, I have to work and go to the gym before EMDR... But those are barely on my agenda...

Maybe it's connected, but I feel like a "bad kid" waiting for his parents to go to a Parent-Teacher meeting after school. You know there's a meeting, but you don't know what they're going to talk about - you only know it'll be about you.

All that to say I think I'm scared and anxious... and it's not even 6am yet...

 

[ladee]

It's your therapy time, you can talk about what ever you want. You can talk about ways to process the flashbacks, tho you are doing very well, regardless of how it feels... wishing you a less anxious day.

 

[TTC18]

Maybe it's connected, but I feel like a "bad kid" waiting for his parents to go to a Parent-Teacher meeting after school. You know there's a meeting, but you don't know what they're going to talk about - you only know it'll be about you.

I get that feeling about therapy too. Like 'OMG I'm going to get in trouble/I'm in trouble' Probably something to do with 'telling' being bad. :hug:

 

[PTSDGuy]

It's your therapy time, you can talk about what ever you want. You can talk about ways to process the flashbacks, tho you are doing very well, regardless of how it feels... wishing you a less anxious day.

Yeah, I always worry that the therapist will get fed up with me and quit. I'm always worried that I'll do it wrong... It's think it's because he's new to me, so I'm still trying to figure him out... It took me a LONG time to trust my regular therapist. Right now, I find myself watching for his reactions...

When I told him about getting raped and beaten by my dad, I thought I saw him wipe away a tear. It was barely anything... He might have been just rubbing his eye for all I know... But I hate when my life is so horrible that people cry over it... I spent my whole life making sure no one could tell how f*cked up I am... So when people care, I feel really uncomfortable...

Yeah, I guess I should talk about it with him tonight...