Surviving Abuse and Healing: My Story of Overcoming Trauma

[Nyyyy]

Hey everyone before I begin my story I want to say thank you for reading this and this will be very triggering but I need to get it off my chest….so when i was a little girl around 6 years old my parents lost custody of me because of money reasons and drugs. And me and my brothers were sent to our great aunt and uncle who said they’ll take care of use until our parents get there stuff together. But as I stayed with them over the years they would anyways say that my mom and dad doesn’t want me and doesn’t love me, they would brain wash me and and my brothers that my parents are bad people and crackheads…and ofc as a little girl I believe it and I wonder why my parents never wanted me, it didn’t help that my aunt and uncle were emotionally and verbally abusive and over they years they’ll mess up my self esteem I would always get in Trouble over little things. I felt like a maid/slave to them as I got older being 12-16 I had to clean every day and if I didn’t I’ll be yelled at and get called hurtful words that sticks to me till this day. They’ll always bring up my parents and call me lazy or a bitch if I don’t do as was told, and I was pretty forgetful at times since I believe I have adhd so it made things harder for me I would be under punishment all the time if I would forget to walk the dogs at a certain time or so and they’ll take my phone and tv and anything electrical. It was hard for me and when I began my teenager years I never felt like a normal teenager, my life wasn’t like others and I was embarrassed to say that I lived with my aunt and uncle especially when they were really bad people….At the time I was always depressed I could never take a break from them I had to do work and they’ll call my name for everything and I could never relax in my own room, every second of the day they’ll call my name for something. I was mentally drained from those people and worst part is that I did loved them and felt like I had to do those things for them to love me back and so I didn’t get yelled at but there was always something…now I’m getting to the part where I’m ashamed to even think or share about it but I have to. My uncle that I lived with is a pedophile and I should’ve known because when I was 12 and I started to go through puberty one time when I gave him a hug he groped my boob, I felt weirdo out but I brushed it off, I shouldn’t have brushed it off because as I turned 14 or so my uncle gave me my first edible [weed] mind you I’ve never had this drug before and at the time it was cool to me, but what I didn’t know was that I would rely on it, i was stressed out at the time especially around the negativity around me I would use the weed to cope, I think my uncle started to notice and that when he’ll offer me free weed but only for something in return that’ll scar me for life…my uncle asked me to flash my boobs to him for the weed and at the time I wasn’t thinking sure I was aware it was weird but I needed something to take a break from that house so I did it..which I deeply DEELPY regret in my soul. Because ever since I done that he would keep asking me and asking me and manipulate me by saying he loves me and if I really love him I’d do it for him and on top of that he’ll offer me more weed…as naive and stuck I was at the time I gave in…I guess my uncle realized he had the power over me and he if he got tired of just looking so he’ll ask can he touch them I said no he’s my uncle and it weird then he’ll said, “I guess you aren’t getting this then” which was the weed and I really wanted it so I’d let him but only for a second and when I look back at it I regret it I felt ashamed of myself and why would I do this over weed it was embarrassing but the mindset I was at you’d understand I felt like that was the only way I could get it and I didn’t know anything else at the time and I did loved and cared for my uncle so I’d do it for him no matter how uncomfortable it made me, and this was all happening when I was 14-15 and I was really depressed and suicidal and i forgot to mention that my brothers moved out of the house around the time so I was by myself and my brothers would live back with our parents which kinda confused me because on what I was told as a little girl I wasn’t allowed to see my parents and was always told how bad my parents were. So when my uncle found out about this he was a bit mad and he would always say my brothers were being brainwashed and talked shit about my parents and I was on my uncle side btw, and at the time I had no phone because my uncle was so scared that I was going to talk to my mother and so I never had a phone those years and it was embarrassing for me because everybody my age had a phone but me and when I did had a phone finally they’ll just take it away and I could only have it on weekends but I couldn’t even do that. As I just turned 16 I felt ashamed of my existence because what I’ve been through I felt so behind everyone my age and trapped and not only that the abuse would be worse. My aunt got more verbal and so did my uncle he also asked to touch my lower regions and which I let him because I felt like I had no other choice, till this day I hate it I hate thinking about it why can’t it go away! My life felt like hell and I wanted it end it all they made me felt like no other family wanted me and I felt so trapped…until..one of my cousins who is 25 lost her baby and she needed a place to stay so my aunt and uncle welcomed her home and such…but as my cousin stayed longer she realized I was being abused she told me no child has to go through that and I would cry my heart out because someone saw the pain I was going through, and that’s when I told her what has been going on between me and my uncle that when she said she’ll help me out of this place I remember crying so hard but I felt so scared to leave..very scared that I gave these people this much power over me. My cousin contacted my parents about what happened and my parents were shocked and pissed, And they made plan to get me back and get me out of there…so one week after all that I was coming home from school and my whole day felt off I knew something was going to happen but I ignored it, so I did my daily routine I took the dogs out (I had 4 dogs) and when I did that’s when my cousin came up to me and said “come with you dad is waiting for you” and I was confused and scared and I said I couldn’t just leave and she was trying to convince me but that’s when she said she’s going to call the police and I told her not to do that I was so scared so I just put the dogs back in the house and acted like everything was fine, I felt like my uncle knew something was up because I was mad quite or so I guess he knew something was up…30 minutes later the police came at the doorstep asking for a welfare check for me and asked me questions I was scared and my uncle and aunt put on an nice act on and my uncle wouldn’t let me talk to the police alone, the police asked if I was okay I lied and said I was and they left after they left they were pissed and they knew it was my cousin who had called the cops on them. So they said my cousin was getting kicked out and that’s when we all sat on the couch and they asked me a question I never answered, my uncle asked was I happy here? I just looked down not answering with tears in my eyes not wanting to say anything. My uncle said I know we be hard on you but you’re a girl and we have high expectations on you. That really made me pissed how could they just act like they didn’t do anything wrong, they said hurtful things to me and I couldn’t even be in my own room they’ll lock me out of it because I was sleeping too much and it was because was because I was depressed! And not only that I forgot to mention that my uncle had a side hustle job which he jut buys and resells stuff and the stuff he would sell/buy were lawn mowers, micowaves, furniture, weights, shoes boxes of food and all that and I would have to load up his truck with all those things so he could resell them at the flea markets, so I was so done and tired of it all…now back to the story when my uncle asked was I happy there I just didn’t want to answer that question, but next 20 minutes my cousin and her husband which I forgot to mention that he also stayed there and knew what was happening came into the house asking me why did I lie to the police and I was just scared and they went into my uncles face saying “pedophile” “you know what you be doing to her” and my uncle said he wasn’t a pedophile and everything was getting heated up, next thing I know my dad came through the door and so did my brother and they brought me outside and my dad asked what was going on daughter and my uncle notice and followed me out the house and called my name that’s when my dad snapped and yelled in his face saying “let me talk to my daughter” as all of that was going on I was in shocked and scared of what will happen to me. As my uncle and dad argue a little my dad brought me to his car and told me to sit in the car, I was zoning out as all of this was happening, and a little while my dad got me into his car and was going to drive me away from this place my uncle noticed and try to get me out the car but he failed because he tried to grabbed the door handle as the car was backing up and he fell doing so breaking his toe, I got worried for him (yes ik idk y u did) so I got out of the car to check on him and I said uncle are you okay and all he said was go back in the house but my brother and dad yelled at me to get back into the car I was hesitant but I still got in and we drove away and as we did I was crying thinking everything was my fault it was all my fault and my dad tried confronting me and my dads sister which is my aunt was on the phone calming me down. At that moment everything was traumatic for me, I was back with my mom and dad which was a relief but my dad had to file custody over me and we had a whole cps case and that’s when I found out the whole truth…how I was lied to about everything of my parents and family, my aunt and uncle who had me over all those years only had temporary custody of me and they never was supposed to have me for that long and they lied to my parents and the court things I was very upset when I heard the truth my whole childhood I was lied to and kept from my parents and really it was because so my aunt and uncle could have benefited from me because they had foodstams and government subsidies to help because they had me(& brothers) and ever since then I’ve been doing way better I’m 17 now about to be 18 in 3 months so it’s still kinda recent to me since I was 16 when all that happened, so yes I do think about it from time to time I mostly think about my uncle touching me and I feel so ashamed and full of regret but I knew I was old enough to know it was wrong that probably why I feel so bad about it but the mindset I had then you’ll understand, right now I’m still healing from it all and I’m still in high school and there are times I have flahbacks at those memories but I’m trying to think of the present time and be grateful where I’m at now and btw my parents all wonderful people but mind you they also had trauma too especially since I was taken from them all them year(9) and I still feel robbed of my childhood so when I think about my childhood and especially what I know now I can’t help but have all those bad memories that occurred in my life. But what happened to me helped me grow stronger and I don’t want anyone or children to go through what I went through…thank you for listening to my story please tell me what you think about it