SherbertLemon
New Here
I am new here. I am perpetually exhausted.
I had a stress related psychotic breakdown after 3yrs in an emotionally abusive relationship where healthy communication was seldom able to be had.
I say seldom, it was never truly possible.
Any communication I tried to have with the ex ended up in escalatory reactive aggressive and passive aggressive responses. It’s left me so ill.
It’s not my first breakdown, it’s my third. The partner I was with knew this and I asked him to bear this in mind as my resilience was more easily diminished. That, I’m autistic, with cPTSD, my parents are dead and this left me more vulnerable in many respects.
Reasonable communication regarding challenges within the relationship he made impossible to discuss. He’s do what I discovered to be DARVO which is defend, argue, reverse victim and offender and it has exhausted me to where my executive functioning skills have been impacted and it’s pushed me back into a more active Autistic PTSD response.
I should have left with my daughter but I’d always seek to try and aim for resolve that meant finding a balance that worked for us all however it seems, hindsight and all that, that he was never willing to look at communicating to enable finding compromise and resolve and always escalated his responses.
I out forward to him many different deescalation techniques-counting to 10, going for a walk or cycle, breathing exercises, communicating via writing to one another, I bought all sorts of different visual aids, I bought books on emotional intelligence as he’d say he had none. I exhausted every option that I could think of, essentially trying to provide therapy for him and always at the expense of taxing my mental wellbeing.
I became more and more exhausted, this fuelled my anxiety and depression and impacted on my executive functioning which meant I was losing things regularly. I wasn’t sleeping properly and I tried to address this, explaining it was having a huge negative impact on my wellbeing. He showed no interest other than to make things all about him being better off if he wasn’t there and after months of him being this way and me being completely exasperated and exhausted with anxiety and walking on eggshells social workers became involved.
Initially only briefly, my ex put forward a plan of action he would commit to completing and completed none of it as he’d described he would.
I’d been expressing that all of this was beyond my remit and taxing my health and wellbeing.
Given I don’t have my parents and had a lot of great input from perinatal mental health team during and after my pregnancy to ensure my mental wellbeing remained stable and I was bonding well with child. Never a bad word was said, I was loving being a parent. I digress.
During the assessment period with the social team it was put forward that the ex needed to complete an anger management course otherwise the social worker involvement would escalate. He agreed to this and then when our child was provided with a social worker this anger management course seemed to go by the by.
He and I separated after his behaviour didn’t change and I ended up in a severe state of anxiety. If the ex didn’t escalate then he would sit and stare as I’d communicate with him and say very little and continue this silent stare which I found profoundly anxiety provoking.
I ended up being admitted to a mental health hospital and have seen my young child now for 14hrs over 5 months.
I. The brief times I have looked to communicate with him he has been either stone faced and mostly silent or raising his voice and escalating.
I don’t know what to do now, I was on a temporary discharge from hospital to my more distant relations whom I haven’t seen in a long time and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. A lot of projecting toward me. I feel so alone and unprotected and my ex is calling all the shots now.
Before we bought somewhere together and he was reactive I asked why this was as it was and he said because the house we were in was mine and things would be better once we had a house that he also had invested in and given trust is something he has declared as of great importance, I trusted him when he said that.
I sold the house I owned outright, my credit rating wasn’t good so I ended up having to sign to say I’d ‘gift’ the money toward the house we bought.
The first evening we were there I sought to refresh what my ex said would be the case and I was looking forward to him being less escalatory in communication as he said this would be the case.
Instantly I was met with a negative, escalatory response and I was shocked and disappointed that it seemed to me that what he put forward as a reason for him being escalatory in his communication and would improve when we had somewhere together, clearly didn’t seem to be the case.
Living together in the house *we* bought for 12 months has been so demoralising as nothing changed. Communicating with him resulted in deflection/projection/gaslighting and DARVO still.
I cannot change the past but I seldom see my daughter now and he presents as really positive with social team meetings now, I am essentially of no fixed abode and dealing with fresh Autistic PTSD on top of cPTSD and it’s left me feeling suicidal as I don’t now what to do.
I feel extremely alone and have hypersomnia which when I stayed at my uncles was called out for being lazy. My uncle hasn’t been stable and I feel even more alone now than ever.
The last social team meeting in respect of our child-she’s thriving. My ex talks about his parents being supportive and he shows only contempt toward me.
I expressed it would be healthier for him to move in with his parents and me into the house until it is sold as then we would both be able to spend more balanced amounts of time with our child. He became escalatory and the social worker told me not to argue when she’d asked me what I thought would be helpful and he interrupted my replying to the question I was asked.
When we initially separated I put forward he and I do handovers in respect of our child for continuity for her and he shot this down straight away.
I do not have parents for support. My money is tied into the house he is in.
When I was in hospital I asked my ex to consider calling to see how I am and show consideration toward me to enable our child to see a healthy adult to adult relationship where both parents showed consideration toward one another. He had a bad back and I’d showed consideration toward him in respect of that as I think it only right for our child to see reasonableness. The response I was met with was “you’re not my responsibility”.
After the social team putting forward our child is thriving they then asked me how I felt she was doing-I said I couldn’t answer this given contact Ive had is so little (14hrs in 5months) which the SW declined to show an understanding toward and dismissed my saying so saying I saw her 2 weeks before (for 2hrs max).
There is no positive encouragement for mother involvement and being informed they are thriving has left me feeling as though my role in child’s life isn’t required.
My mum commit suicide when I was 10mths and I’m trying to fight off feeling that way now.
I grieve for my living young child every day and dealing with my ex is dictatorship like.
My uncle has said I’ve been stupid putting the money I had into the house we bought. I was investing in a family at the time so it’s just another put down to add to the collection of why I think not being here would be better all around. My aunty has thrice said she wished they’d not picked me up from the mental health hospital, my cousin went through a speed camera in her car and might be getting a speeding ticket. I was not in the vehicle at the time but now that is being blamed on me.
I feel so emotionally unsafe and exhausted and scared and it’s leaving me feeling so rundown that I’m oversleeping as a means of coping/not coping.
I’m sat thinking things that were out of my control are somehow now all my fault and me not being here would solve a lot of problems.
I’m so scared that this is how I’m thinking.
I feel so alone.
I had a stress related psychotic breakdown after 3yrs in an emotionally abusive relationship where healthy communication was seldom able to be had.
I say seldom, it was never truly possible.
Any communication I tried to have with the ex ended up in escalatory reactive aggressive and passive aggressive responses. It’s left me so ill.
It’s not my first breakdown, it’s my third. The partner I was with knew this and I asked him to bear this in mind as my resilience was more easily diminished. That, I’m autistic, with cPTSD, my parents are dead and this left me more vulnerable in many respects.
Reasonable communication regarding challenges within the relationship he made impossible to discuss. He’s do what I discovered to be DARVO which is defend, argue, reverse victim and offender and it has exhausted me to where my executive functioning skills have been impacted and it’s pushed me back into a more active Autistic PTSD response.
I should have left with my daughter but I’d always seek to try and aim for resolve that meant finding a balance that worked for us all however it seems, hindsight and all that, that he was never willing to look at communicating to enable finding compromise and resolve and always escalated his responses.
I out forward to him many different deescalation techniques-counting to 10, going for a walk or cycle, breathing exercises, communicating via writing to one another, I bought all sorts of different visual aids, I bought books on emotional intelligence as he’d say he had none. I exhausted every option that I could think of, essentially trying to provide therapy for him and always at the expense of taxing my mental wellbeing.
I became more and more exhausted, this fuelled my anxiety and depression and impacted on my executive functioning which meant I was losing things regularly. I wasn’t sleeping properly and I tried to address this, explaining it was having a huge negative impact on my wellbeing. He showed no interest other than to make things all about him being better off if he wasn’t there and after months of him being this way and me being completely exasperated and exhausted with anxiety and walking on eggshells social workers became involved.
Initially only briefly, my ex put forward a plan of action he would commit to completing and completed none of it as he’d described he would.
I’d been expressing that all of this was beyond my remit and taxing my health and wellbeing.
Given I don’t have my parents and had a lot of great input from perinatal mental health team during and after my pregnancy to ensure my mental wellbeing remained stable and I was bonding well with child. Never a bad word was said, I was loving being a parent. I digress.
During the assessment period with the social team it was put forward that the ex needed to complete an anger management course otherwise the social worker involvement would escalate. He agreed to this and then when our child was provided with a social worker this anger management course seemed to go by the by.
He and I separated after his behaviour didn’t change and I ended up in a severe state of anxiety. If the ex didn’t escalate then he would sit and stare as I’d communicate with him and say very little and continue this silent stare which I found profoundly anxiety provoking.
I ended up being admitted to a mental health hospital and have seen my young child now for 14hrs over 5 months.
I. The brief times I have looked to communicate with him he has been either stone faced and mostly silent or raising his voice and escalating.
I don’t know what to do now, I was on a temporary discharge from hospital to my more distant relations whom I haven’t seen in a long time and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. A lot of projecting toward me. I feel so alone and unprotected and my ex is calling all the shots now.
Before we bought somewhere together and he was reactive I asked why this was as it was and he said because the house we were in was mine and things would be better once we had a house that he also had invested in and given trust is something he has declared as of great importance, I trusted him when he said that.
I sold the house I owned outright, my credit rating wasn’t good so I ended up having to sign to say I’d ‘gift’ the money toward the house we bought.
The first evening we were there I sought to refresh what my ex said would be the case and I was looking forward to him being less escalatory in communication as he said this would be the case.
Instantly I was met with a negative, escalatory response and I was shocked and disappointed that it seemed to me that what he put forward as a reason for him being escalatory in his communication and would improve when we had somewhere together, clearly didn’t seem to be the case.
Living together in the house *we* bought for 12 months has been so demoralising as nothing changed. Communicating with him resulted in deflection/projection/gaslighting and DARVO still.
I cannot change the past but I seldom see my daughter now and he presents as really positive with social team meetings now, I am essentially of no fixed abode and dealing with fresh Autistic PTSD on top of cPTSD and it’s left me feeling suicidal as I don’t now what to do.
I feel extremely alone and have hypersomnia which when I stayed at my uncles was called out for being lazy. My uncle hasn’t been stable and I feel even more alone now than ever.
The last social team meeting in respect of our child-she’s thriving. My ex talks about his parents being supportive and he shows only contempt toward me.
I expressed it would be healthier for him to move in with his parents and me into the house until it is sold as then we would both be able to spend more balanced amounts of time with our child. He became escalatory and the social worker told me not to argue when she’d asked me what I thought would be helpful and he interrupted my replying to the question I was asked.
When we initially separated I put forward he and I do handovers in respect of our child for continuity for her and he shot this down straight away.
I do not have parents for support. My money is tied into the house he is in.
When I was in hospital I asked my ex to consider calling to see how I am and show consideration toward me to enable our child to see a healthy adult to adult relationship where both parents showed consideration toward one another. He had a bad back and I’d showed consideration toward him in respect of that as I think it only right for our child to see reasonableness. The response I was met with was “you’re not my responsibility”.
After the social team putting forward our child is thriving they then asked me how I felt she was doing-I said I couldn’t answer this given contact Ive had is so little (14hrs in 5months) which the SW declined to show an understanding toward and dismissed my saying so saying I saw her 2 weeks before (for 2hrs max).
There is no positive encouragement for mother involvement and being informed they are thriving has left me feeling as though my role in child’s life isn’t required.
My mum commit suicide when I was 10mths and I’m trying to fight off feeling that way now.
I grieve for my living young child every day and dealing with my ex is dictatorship like.
My uncle has said I’ve been stupid putting the money I had into the house we bought. I was investing in a family at the time so it’s just another put down to add to the collection of why I think not being here would be better all around. My aunty has thrice said she wished they’d not picked me up from the mental health hospital, my cousin went through a speed camera in her car and might be getting a speeding ticket. I was not in the vehicle at the time but now that is being blamed on me.
I feel so emotionally unsafe and exhausted and scared and it’s leaving me feeling so rundown that I’m oversleeping as a means of coping/not coping.
I’m sat thinking things that were out of my control are somehow now all my fault and me not being here would solve a lot of problems.
I’m so scared that this is how I’m thinking.
I feel so alone.
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