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My Abusive Father Suddenly/Unexpectedly Now Owns Where I Live


Hey, ya'll!

Something odd happened today. I got a call from my father*.

My father did not want children and ended up with four: my sister (his step daughter), me, my twin brother, and my little brother. I was his favorite, and got the best treatment out of all of us as a result, but he was still known for being cruel. He was an alcoholic with trauma of his own and a tasty temper and drug addictions, who refused therapy or any way to get better. He likely suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. I've called him a sociopath in the past, but I'm not sure how true this is, as he hasn't been diagnosed. He is best known for sexually assaulting my little brother over many years, trying to sell me and sister for sexual favors (ie having us kidnapped and trafficked, basically), and trying out torture methods on his kids. I am pretty sure he was reverse shotgun wedding'ed when my mother got pregnant, and my mom wanted the kids and he did not. His cat bit through a condom, causing my mom to become pregnant. Later on, he raped my mother, and sometimes we witnessed it. He is likely much more mellow now days. He recently may have poisoned a woman he was dating for not agreeing to marry him.

He and I have a ton in common, including almost all of the same interests. This includes animals.

He is intellectually disabled, and "stupid," but not Stupid. He is known for compulsive lying. I have not been talking to him.

I have not talked to my father in several years.

The last time he called, I let it go to voicemail. It turned out later that he was calling to say that his mother, my grandmother, was very, very sick and was not going to make it.

She died a few months ago, much to everyone's shock.

So, when my father called again today, I was surprised and decided to answer it.

In the call he was talkative, normal, polite, nice, etc. I was confused, though, and long story short asked him to cut to the chase because I had somewhere to be. He let me know that he now owns the home I and his ex-wife (my mother) live. He said, "I own the house now, and I'm not sure what to do about it."

Long story short: My grandmother was the landlord for my mother's house. Her idea was to live in the messy house for... forever, I guess, to prevent him from getting to live in it? Which was unrealistic to start with, but is another story -- actually, half my problem is managing my mom's emotions about this, which I don't want to do.

Anyway -- again, long story short, due to recent events my grandmother AND grandfather were both unsure that anyone was living in the house I have had to move back into. It makes sense, I don't feel it's my grandmother's fault that this happened. Yes, I'm sad and brokenhearted about this, but I understand it so that's not actually part of THIS post.

The point of THIS post is that I'm starting it a bit in shock because I genuinely did not expect my father to inherit the house. He apparently TODAY inherited it with my grandfather telling him, "No one lives at the house, you can have it."

The reason my father called me is because he felt that was false. And I confused, confusedly, that I in fact do live in the house, along with my critters. I did not confirm that his ex wife/my mom lives there yet.

Currently, I'm waiting on my father to call me back (I ended the call quickly to go to a friend's house for something), I think we are genuinely both confused about this. And as stated, I'm a bit in shock, as this was not really how I envisioned having my father back in my life, if I chose to at all. But the annual property tax is over a thousand dollars a year and I sincerely doubt he would have the money to afford it every year, even with tax breaks...?

I'm not sure, I genuinely don't know how this works. I'm just glad it's out of my grandparents' hair once and for all, assuming my father isn't lying about anything.

So, yeah. I guess, if anyone has any feedback, if something like this has happened to you before?

I tell you what right now, though, I am sick and tired of all my mom's choices coming back to affect MY life. Good g-d.

ETA more context: I got my father kicked out at age 13, because otherwise it wasn't going to happen. Before then, he hoarded up the house and I've been stuck cleaning it for over two decades, with little to no help from my mother, who is disabled. I do not like this house. I do not enjoy living in it. I keep getting sucked back into it every time I move out due to financial hardship and abuse from other people in places I would otherwise be living in now.

What's more, my father does seem genuinely confused about this development. I was going to say more about that but I forgot what I was on about, to be honest.
Gosh that's a *thing* to deal with.

If he is being honest about being confused (you obviously know him and I don't but if he is narcissistic I approach that with caution as honesty and narcissistic behaviour don't sit well together in my experience, there is usually another motive going on), is he asking your advice on what to do?

It would be very simple for a unabusive person. They would either get a formal rental agreement with you. Or give you notice about what they are doing with the house (selling it etc).

With an abusive person, simple things become weapons for control.
What do you want from this. Can you print out a rental agreement from the internet, if that is what you want, and say you can all fill it out? Take control of that situation?

Your mum is an adult and she'll have to deal with this. Will his actions change if he knows she is living there too?

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Just to clarify. You've been living in a house that belonged to your paternal grandparents? And they "didn't think anyone was living there"? So, no rent and no contract of any kind?

I agree with @Sideways , the first step has to be independent confirmation of the facts. Where L live, you'd get that information at the registrar of deeds office for the municipality, city or county, and it's public information so it's free. If it was me, I'm pretty sure my next step would be looking for other housing. (I'd probably do that no matter who owns the house because I suspect live is about to get complicated there.)
My father does not own the house. Thank you for suggesting that I look up the deed. He just made it up.
Bit of a mindf*ck, there.

Been there, did that.

Thinking that a lien was held by someone I knew…. And wasting YEARS on them, only to find it was a bit of inconsequential nonsense easily sorted elsewhere. >.< . MAJOR mindf*ck. Because I believed them.