Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

[TTC18]

Good! :) Get some rest, take your time, and remember - you're doing great. :) :) :)

 

[ladee]

@PTSDGuy , one of the great things about the support you get here, is everyone understands on some level. And for me, it helped take the loneliness away of always feeling different.

And you get caring suggestions like @tryingtocope18 shared. And as time moves on, we find that working harder or faster does not do much of anything except make us have to go back over things because we missed something that was important.

There is no instant gratification on this journey. I really related to you saying it's like a puzzle. That's how I've always seen it. And I also know how many times I had to go back, because in my mind, that piece did fit.. uh no, it didn't. I tried to force it because I was so tired and so , well, everything that PTSD hands us.

Do you tell yourself how much courage you are showing by facing this head on?? Do you tell yourself that regardless of what has happened, your cruel father did not take the important things from you?

Honesty is very important!! And you do have an awareness that is going to help you move mountains. Like I've read here many times, we can't eat the elephant in one bite.

Learning to be kinder to our selves seems to be one of the things we all struggle for. In my case, I felt I had to keep moving, so the 'stuff' didn't get bigger than me. It never worked, but it didn't stop me or change the outcome. I was simply ten times more exhausted when the real crap fell in my lap.

And it is always said with care and understanding when someone suggests we slow down.

You have a lot to deal with. And having people that understand can be stressful too. We feel we are on center stage when someone replies to us. Trust me, we give to you because we have it to give, but each of us are working right along side you to get our own lives back.

One thing that I really like about you, you took the risk, put yourself out here, but you are hearing what is being shared with you. At least you are willing to try something different.

Again, glad you are here. It helps us to not feel so alone too. So it's a double gift. When you have your quite time , try to find things that help you relax a little. I have trouble with also, so it's not a contest.

Being in nature is when I am at my best. You will find your 'gentle place'. And claim it.

 

[TTC18]

Again, glad you are here. It helps us to not feel so alone too. So it's a double gift.

Agree :) :)

 

[bellbird]

Hearing you, @PTSDGuy .
I'm glad you're here too.
Never be afraid to ramble. Sometimes that's the only way that certain thoughts will make their way out of my head.
This is your space, and we are just here because you allow us to follow along on this part of your journey and because we want to support you.

 

[PTSDGuy]

@PTSDGuy , one of the great things about the support you get here, is everyone understands on some level. And for me, it helped take the loneliness away of always feeling different.

And you get caring suggestions like @tryingtocope18 shared. And as time moves on, we find that working harder or faster does not do much of anything except make us have to go back over things because we missed something that was important.

There is no instant gratification on this journey. I really related to you saying it's like a puzzle. That's how I've always seen it. And I also know how many times I had to go back, because in my mind, that piece did fit.. uh no, it didn't. I tried to force it because I was so tired and so , well, everything that PTSD hands us.

Do you tell yourself how much courage you are showing by facing this head on?? Do you tell yourself that regardless of what has happened, your cruel father did not take the important things from you?

Honesty is very important!! And you do have an awareness that is going to help you move mountains. Like I've read here many times, we can't eat the elephant in one bite.

Learning to be kinder to our selves seems to be one of the things we all struggle for. In my case, I felt I had to keep moving, so the 'stuff' didn't get bigger than me. It never worked, but it didn't stop me or change the outcome. I was simply ten times more exhausted when the real crap fell in my lap.

And it is always said with care and understanding when someone suggests we slow down.

You have a lot to deal with. And having people that understand can be stressful too. We feel we are on center stage when someone replies to us. Trust me, we give to you because we have it to give, but each of us are working right along side you to get our own lives back.

One thing that I really like about you, you took the risk, put yourself out here, but you are hearing what is being shared with you. At least you are willing to try something different.

Again, glad you are here. It helps us to not feel so alone too. So it's a double gift. When you have your quite time , try to find things that help you relax a little. I have trouble with also, so it's not a contest.

Being in nature is when I am at my best. You will find your 'gentle place'. And claim it.

I'm amazed how much people on here can sort of read my mind. Yeah, I wanna just barrel on through everything and get over all my flashbacks, but I think I'm learning that that may not be realistic. I guess I can stop reading book after book after book on abuse for a day or two.. ?

It's sort of sad that in "the real world", it just feels like everyone has an alternative motive. But here, people don't want anything except to support each other... It's definitely making me think....

 

[bellbird]

But here, people don't want anything except to support each other...

Gave me chills when I read this, honestly.
Because I realised: yep, that's very very true.

People & support IRL have their merits of course, but there's nothing quite like being able to talk to people who understand (at least some of) what you're going through and people who ask for nothing in return.

 

[PTSDGuy]

Gave me chills when I read this, honestly.
Because I realised: yep, that's very very true.

People & support IRL have their merits of course, but there's nothing quite like being able to talk to people who understand (at least some of) what you're going through and people who ask for nothing in return.

It's totally amazing to me... I read your response, and needed time to think about it. People here have already made me feel less alone.

There's a new show on Audible called Strong Ending - about Combat vets with PTSD learning to do standup... and although I didn't get PTSD in a war, their stories resonated with me. I was driving to work, started listening to each of the vets explain how having PTSD affected them, and I thought, "They would understand me"... Then I pulled the car over and fell apart. For their pain, for my pain, for how f*cked up my family was... for how f*cked up my whole life has been...

This place is sort of the same... People's stories are being written as they experience life... It's definitely real, and makes me think about my life... and that's a good thing...

 

[bellbird]

Then I pulled the car over and fell apart. For their pain, for my pain

I remember writing my introduction post on this forum back in March or something of this year, after I'd been on this forum as a guest, and then as a member who'd just observed and not posted for the first bit.
And reading someone's response, saying that nightmares were their worst symptom too.

I fell apart. Completely. I sat in bed and I sobbed for I don't know how long.
For my pain, and for their pain, and that understanding that no medical professional, nor therapist, nor empathetic friend had been able to provide. Just as you described above.

No one here has been through my exact experiences, but that doesn't matter. They get it. We get it.

 

[littleoc]

People here have already made me feel less alone.

Yes, exactly -- you are not alone. :hug: :hug:

 

[PTSDGuy]

I fell apart. Completely. I sat in bed and I sobbed for I don't know how long.
For my pain, and for their pain, and that understanding that no medical professional, nor therapist, nor empathetic friend had been able to provide. Just as you described above.

No one here has been through my exact experiences, but that doesn't matter. They get it. We get it.

This is the second time in the past day that I start responding, and next thing I know I'm in the middle of a flashback. Which I make it through after an hour or so, but by then I forget to respond. Sorry. The fact that you "got" my thing, and related to it, made me cry.

Considering I had to be taught that crying was OK by my therapist, I'm starting to cry over things I appreciate. I appreciated your reply more than you can imagine.

 

[TTC18]

:hug:

 

[PTSDGuy]

I'm just now realizing how important music is to me... and how my music choices reflect where my mind is at without realizing I'm doing it... Last night I put on my "flashback music"... Songs that remind me of my childhood/teenage years... Most of the music I listened to back then had a theme... Escape...

"New York's Not My Home" and Box#10 by Jim Croce - about wanting to escape... "Tobacco Road" and "Fly Away" by Edgar Winter... "River" by Joni Mitchell...

And considering I'm an old guy ?, surprisingly there's some rap on my list... It came out when I was 22, but "The Message" by Grandmaster Flash hit me... So much of it fit my life.. "Don't push me, cuz I'm close to the edge", "It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under..." I just put it on, and it still fits perfectly... Rap isn't my thing, but I definitely understand the anger, and how it's based on the hell people are living.

Growing up, I wanted to play the piano... Every time I'd ask my mother for a piano, she'd tell me a story about how she had a great player piano as a child... and how they chopped it up and threw it out on the street. I heard that story over and over, every time I'd say I wanted a piano... I never got the piano - just that story.

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and I decided it was time to fix that... I bought myself a full size electronic piano. Of course I can't actually play it yet - but once I'm less exhausted by all these flashbacks, I'll be working on it...