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@scout86, my dog is starting to push my buttons and try my patience, he's refusing to eat today, he's also refusing to walk in our neighborhood now - stands by the car and wants me to drive him somewhere to walk! I guess that's my fault for taking him to the fields each morning to garden. I was...

Staying off FB that day might be a good idea. thanks @Sighs / @gizmo. @scout86 I know the restaurant we usually went to opens at 3pm, so maybe I'll go and have a nice quiet dinner by myself as soon as they open. I'd love to spend the entire day out but I may just go to the volunteer garden...

I wrote a thing about my husband today on FB as it is 200 days since he died. It was sad and heartfelt and I talked about how people who've never been through this keep saying "It gets better with time." and how I'm wondering if it ever gets "better". I spoke of how I see no point to life, I'm...

199 days. It seems like a lifetime & the blink of an eye all at the same time. I think back to things like hugs in the kitchen, kisses wherever and whenever, dancing, laughing, the boat cruise we took on his 40th and it all feels unreal now - a dream. Did he really exist at all or was the last...

I was crying yesterday and the dog just started snoring louder, mind you, when I started to cry as I drove to the park yesterday afternoon he jumped up and tried to crawl to the front of the car, looking at me concerned - more than likely it was a "Hey look at how cute I am, please don't kill us...

We had a tornado alert on the tv last night, the dog jumped and ran to me for direction. I was waiting to see what areas were supposed to take cover but it never said, so I took the dog out real quick for his evening constitution - ha, he could sense my concern, so he refused to go. We came back...

@scout86, I have no clue what to ask for. I think it's funny how it's the guys who ask, their wives don't come talk to me at all, I've only ever really spoken with the guys. I also don't want to cause friction in someone else's relationship too, I know that wives can get jealous (except me, I...

Some days I just wish this inner sadness would just go away. So many times today I held back tears. This evening we were taking the dog out for a walk and my neighbor saw him and came over to say hi. He was chatting and then asked the inevitable "Are you doing okay?" You know I wanted to...

I found myself suddenly crying over dinner today. Second time in a week. My sister came over and rubbed my arm - ahhh, it's almost happening again. I'm missing my husband really bad today. I'm tired because I spent half the night worrying about the dog. I'm exhausted, worrying about the dog...

My dog has been through trauma! He made the 1hr drive to the park today without incident, he was excited to get out of the car. We went "snoopy" for a good 20 minutes checking out the parking lot while my sister went to use the facilities but as we investigated an area around a garbage bin he...

My dog has definite triggers. We had the doorbell issue the other day, well tonight after a good day and night, he was curled up snoozing in front of the tv and a doorbell rang on tv, this poor dog from a dead sleep barked, then howled and sprang to his feet, shaking and completely panicked. I...

I burst into tears over dinner today. Sometimes everything just gets so overwhelming and it's not because my sisters here, it's not just the dog and it's not just because Martin is dead; it's everything. It's life. It's all just more than I can take sometimes. In that instant I realized just...

My sister is visiting for a week. I've had to take some deep breaths, especially when she said, "I wasn't sure if you wanted me here, I stress you out." Ummm!? When have I ever said that to her - true - but I've never said that to her! Arrgh, it just reminded me of the types of things my husband...

@scout86 @City Slicker Angus is a rescue, he's a beagle mix and looks very beagle but his stance looks terrier or bulldog, he definitely has a beagle temperament, he was taken from a hoarding situation is all I was told but whether it was animal or material hoarding I don't know. He's been...

I had a meltdown on the phone with my sister today. I was crying about how I can't do this and how hard it is on me and how triggered I am trying to deal with this dog. No one ever believed me when i used to say that I am no longer good with "added responsibility", everyone, my therapist...

So today I'm tearing up. The dog is a distraction from confronting the grief but I don't think it's a good distraction. I'm not releasing as I should be. I was grinding my teeth again last night, that hasn't happened in quite a while and I know it's a sign of stress. I'm wondering if its from...

I'm anxious and exhausted. I almost burst into tears after my sister left. I'm worrying constantly about the dog. I also think it's left over sorrow that has been suppressed since yesterday. I miss my hubby, having the dog only distracts from facing that. I'm not complaining but he's...

Today started out very sad and extremely anxious. Today is exactly six months since my husbands suicide. I woke up crying and wasn't sure I'd be in any shape to receive my dog. I called my sister and asked her to come. She said she would. My dog arrived at around 130. By 230 I had him...

@Sighs, yes, the report will include the coroner's observations at scene and the autopsy report. I don't want to read it, I never want to think of that day ever again but I think it might be prudent to have it here with me, stored in the house in a sealed envelope. I don't know, a reminder? A...

My sister just called me from work. She had texts on her phone from my brother telling her to call me because I was "in a bad way". Like, seriously!? Pass the buck!? She's not my problem, tag you're it!!!? So my sister, who can't just drop her job and run to my side, and also can't take her...

The hearing has been adjourned. I don't know when that happened my lawyer seems to have known about it for a long time. I got a call from the car insurance company this morning, the coroners report is in and my husbands death is not covered under their policy and would I like a copy of the...

@Sighs my employer terminated me two years ago, I no longer have a union that can represent me and sadly, my lawyer could never offer that type of service. I've asked my therapist to attend the meeting with me but I still need someone to drive me down, so my sister is the only option. I'm not...

I had a meltdown today. The ac I brought to my sister's place leaks like a sieve, I'm glad nothing was permanently damaged. I got very angry because she was complaining about how much water was on the floor and making a huge deal out of it. I felt like every time I try to do something nice for...