Search results

Uggh. Been awake since just after 3am. I startled awake because of a howl-like noise. It filled the room, I shot up and reached for the light looking at the dog and saying, "Are you okay!?" He looked at me with sleepy confused eyes and then I remembered my sister down the hall. I practically ran...

Thank you @gizmo. I cried during dinner today. One thing my sister doesn't get is how, especially at this point, I cannot listen to country music. I have to make a conscious effort to avoid it and anything that may exacerbate the depression. I'm doing okay right now but I need to keep my head...

Yesterday was a whirlwind day driving to my sister's house and back for a day trip to get some extra things she needed. We drove into a pretty scary whiteout with the amount of snow we could only see 10-20 feet ahead of us. It's odd that during that scary bit when she was gripping the steering...

Two long days. The Angelversary day outing went well. I placed the stone & roses, stood for a moment of silence, my sister was crying but I didn't shed a single tear until I went to drive away. Only then did I burst into tears. We had to sit for at least 5 minutes while I collected myself. I...

Been awake since 2am this morning. Long, tough day. I'm exhausted. Will update tomorrow. Thank you to everyone for your prayers.

I bought the roses today. We're counting down to tomorrow. My sister and I spent the day out and I returned home to an IM from my husband's last partner from work, an email from a reporter and a voicemail from his mom. I cried. I cried because everyone is sad again. The magnitude of his loss...

I cried today. I connected for a little while to his loss and I cried. Maybe @ladee you were right, maybe the pain she was trying to release was so great it just made me numb. We used to feel so connected that I would say the things he was thinking and he'd always say, "Get out of my head!"...

How come Edit is not an option anymore? Anyway I screwed up the tags, @AngelkeeperJ/AKJ and @ladee

@gizmo I'm sending you hugs and strength back. @Angelkeeper/AKJ my memories are so much more than pain but when I look at his pictures now I could be looking at a dinner plate, nothing stirs; no memories at all just a complete disconnection. It's very unnerving, I should feel something...

So after the therapy treatment yesterday, I am a little miffed. You know how we always say when we're in the midst of agony that we just wish it would go away? It's gone away. I feel nothing today. I am not sad. I am not mourning his loss. There is no pain that leads to sorrow. I feel like I...

So, I just got off the phone with my therapist and we spent the hour doing this "new" therapy she's been trained in that she thinks is a miracle cure for releasing trauma and pain, it's called Image Transformation Therapy (ImTT). I was very skeptical, I mean, imagining a your pain/fear as a...

Has anyone had any experience with ImTT or Image Transformation Therapy? My therapist has just been certified and tried it on me today to help to release the pain associated with my husband's death. I'm a little skeptical because it was guided imagery coupled with an almost a progressive...

I needed it but I just can't stop crying now. If I'm not asleep, I'm "so sad" and crying. It just hurts so badly tonight. The newspaper published the article and he was mentioned and so was the other girl who now has a book out and the new girl with the fitness studio - not me whose whole...

I went to lunch with an old coworker today. We naturally started talking about the upcoming anniversary and I went into more detail with her about that day. I think we were actually talking about how distant my family is and I started talking about how on that day when I was in severe crisis and...

It is 412am, the dog is annoyed that I'm interrupting his sleep. I'm gazing around the room wondering if this is what time he woke up and left the room that day. I don't wake up because I want to wake up, honestly I'm really tired but my mind seems to wake up on its own. I can't tell if this...

Thank you. I am not feeling well right now. I had a bit of a meltdown. I watched a movie where a man killed himself. I wasn't expecting it. Everything came crashing in on me so hard that I went numb. My whole body feels like it's made of lead right now and my mind is finally my own. I felt...

Every day I wake up and facebook reminds me of things we did together last year. Today is the anniversary of our last hike together. We hiked into the park, it was snow covered, with a slight chill wind blowing. We were bundled up nice and snug and trudging through the snow following animal...

I still have PTSD. As if I needed another reminder. I went to brunch with my sister and nieces today, it was a 45 minute drive away, but I was in a good head space today so I went. As we sat down to await their arrival at the restaurant, it dawned on me that my one niece is "with child". I...

The dog and I were able to get out of the house today for some serious park time. There is just something so restorative about being in nature, quiet, sheltered, just unfettered and free. The dog couldn't stop running and jumping it's been a while since he's been able to get out like that. I...

I wrote a piece for the reporter, it was done in the style of my blog posts, socially conscious voice. I received a reply today saying they're going to run it in their online edition, which means I didn't make pint, but oh well. It's been two days of sudden tears, usually while eating...

I scream about having my story heard and when it comes time to write something my mind goes blank. I don't know what to write. What do I tell the media here a year later? That I don't know how I survived? That sometimes it still feels like I could die? Like some days I want to die so badly...

I wrote this last night but was unable to post it because the server was down, so here goes.... It hurts so badly again. I'm in tears again. I miss him so much, it just tears me up inside, will it ever stop hurting this badly? He was a good man. He lived his life right. He did right by...

My sister and I worked on the puzzle today and just spent a day in before she had to go home. I must say, it's nice to have another voice in the house even though I get agitated after a while. Even just her being here feels better despite the fact that she spends her time glued to her phone...

Long day today. More hockey then we bought a jigsaw puzzle to work on. Hubby and I used to like doing puzzles. Today I was repeatedly struck with the "he's dead and I'm never going to see him again" and I had to stop myself from falling apart. I'm never going to see him again. :(

My sister came to steal me today. I guess in a way she's becoming that familiar safe (but not 100% safe ) person my husband was on outings. We went to my nieces sons hockey game. There were some tooth gritting moments and some especially loud moments but I survived...and was distracted...