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Nothing is real in 1984 believing two different things at the same time is handed down from a letter agencies one of the intelligence agencies. The ones that rape little girls and make sure cover ups happen for the masters like Epstine and his friends. If their lucky they will get to hang out...

The self replicating nano-bots that keep doing what the generation before did with no free will or thought have lost their ducking mind. Rage against the machine did have it right when they said "stuck on the cross...... believing the lies..... bowing down to the flag..... you got a ....... in...

As a woman I have no intrinsic worth as an individual. My worth is only in the ego, pleasure, or energy to be controlled for men. This is the truth of our society. It's not getting much better. I am a woman and worth nothing. If they can control you, and shape you, or mold you. Use you and...

The only thing that we true and an agreeable prescription with no communication interaction is that "sometimes there are no happily ever afters." I can only have hope for death as that is the only real thing that won't be taken away from me. Everything else people love has been taken from me. I...

Torture does something to a person. It f*cks up all of your perception mechanisms and how you perceive yourself and the world. The government may have their own "pets" people who couldn't/cant get away from their cruel power and self righteous indignation. People like.me disadvantaged (due to...

It's odd to have to accept the cruel hard truth that they tortured me so young I could never realize that hope or that dream I had as a kid to grow up and be free of the pain of abuse. Torture is it's own category of hell. I will die wondering why they continued with their big bang joke even...

So this is a fun fact. I reacted like a human. I was devastated that people had secretly watched me as a live sex show (which the live part made it feel.so much more f*ck ed up creepy), and when I found out all the cool Hollywood famous music people saw me not only have sex, but also watch me...

I hate these days I want to rip off my skin to stop the hurt. It doesn't make sense unless you've been tortured yourself. Writing helps on this site. I don't know why but it soothes the hurt. It's not always a thought of the past. It's not always thinking. It's this feeling this thing that comes...

They didn't help.me f*ck they didn't even try. When your trying to help.someone you talk to them you don't force them to do what you want. You don't make them think their crazy. You don't assume what they think. You ask questions. The only thing any one asked me (someone called and said he knew...

In the end no one can make it better. No one can make it right. No one wants to. No one cares. Like bad Catholic priest who just raped a girl nothing can be done. The kid they just raped has to live with it. And the priest who did it will find another one. No escape from it. No one cares. It's...

So, the more I understand it. The more I understand like bad Catholic priest who are deviant, sick, and have an odd pull from deep inside to experience that deviance the people who have been doing this are like that, or they are like bricks they are like rocks they are like stone..... Just...

The word annihilate came into mind. As in they annihilated me. It stings a little to be powerless and to have been tortured so hard for so long by bullies who get off on the power they have over others especially because sex was used as a tool to torture me with. Sex is so personal so inside a...

The hardest part in struggling with now is how not to take it on as my identity. I didn't do that to anyone. I didn't hurt that guy my first noyfriend. I didn't do anything like that to him. I didn't stalk anyone. I minded my own business. I never made anyone feel raped and hang raped. I never...

I wake up and it's the first thing in my mind. Surviving psychological torture is very difficult. People will say things like "just don't think about it," but it's in my head before I even open my eyes. It's been over 2 0 years, but I was still stalked. I didn't know honestly I didn't know the...

Why did they have to "act" like house painters? Why couldn't they just be straight? And, because I thought something was up I got upset. I was obviously upset. Why couldn't no one be straight up and knock on my front door and talk to me like a human being? I understand I was just barely good...

They had a feature of facebook, but because the owner of facebook is friends with people who hurt me, and is also a government watch group I was tortured again instead of just stating what had factually happened to me again with the mind rape. When I lived at Bakersfield by the sea I was told I...

Auto correct never makes sense... ... If they are made in the image of their God...... They are worshiping a rock in space......

They are like bricks, they are like rocks, nothing deeper or less dense than that. Putting meatheads in charge of a kids pain is something a person as dense as a rock would do. Watching people and her family and psychiatrist tell her she is insane while putting her on medication while she is...

I want to become enlightened like the Buddha to end my suffering. I want to realize and not just know what not having a self is. I don't want to exist in heaven, hell, or the middle place of extreme existence from good modern world to extreme poverty/suffering like we have here (middle place or...

I was in a grocery store shopping. You can't get away from it. The music. The memories. Some days in better than others. I practice mindful meditation. But, I can't ever get away from it. They were so loud. I never had a voice. I can never talk to anyone about what happened. My tragedy of hope...

I know no one thinks about me that was involved. They could go on and act like.it.never happened and be happy. They didn't get hurt, and they were sure as hell.never bullied as a kid. Their dad didn't have military rage from getting out of the military, and their mom wasn't a piss in the bed...

No more Starbucks tea late in the afternoon. I guess it should have been obvious back in high school that I wasn't crazy. But, I think I found it so hurtful and insane that famous people had seen me have sex at 16 that I went crazy. They were celebrating my revenge porn (non consensual porn)...

Can't sleep. Had a thought about being stalked by my bullies growing up. No ptsd came up. It's weird knowing you were watched and stalked from 10- even now in some ways. I know now so it's not as bad that I'm monitored, but finding out I was being watched from 10-17 caused me so much pain. I was...

I think my long term marijuana addiction made me.delusional. I look in the mirror now seeing a totally different person, and I don't feel.good about myself anymore. I am 30lbs heavier and a few years older than when I smoked pot. I don't even know if it has to do with marijuana. I feel bad about...

If I had known the things I know now as a kid my life would have been different. My mom didn't tell me about her side of the family till I was in my 30's, but my brother knew about it. I just thought we were low class oakies and I didn't know my dad had an education really. My family had...