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Yes and no...but this time I'm different, .so the old boundaries need ti be reevaluated anyway. He said the other day, "I'm sorry if you feel ignored while I try to figure out my boundaries ". So I think he's working on it too. Yes, this makes sense and I understand it. I accept it for...

I guess for me, not really because I'm already living in the nightmare. I've been in it for my entire existence, so it is all I know. Happy go lucky dreams are not part of my life. I understand not wanting to wish it on anyone. I'm perfectly aware of the pain involved. I know that my dad was...

I'm trying so desperately to wrap my mind around this... On one hand it makes perfect sense, on the other - zero. I honestly keep bouncing back and forth. I guess that is because I feel that way sometimes, but not always. I think maybe what I'm wondering is how these two quotes fit into your...

I think for me, it would be easier if he didn't feel the need to call it a "breakup" every time. That's what makes it unsafe for me. Because then I'm left to wonder every time if he "really means it." When you break up twice a year anywhere from a couple hours to weeks, it's hard to say. This...

That's pretty much been the way it is for us, I think. He pushes and pushes, but no matter what "truth" he's using to push me away at the time doesn't make me leave. I just stay right here. I think it pisses him off during, but I hope after it he appreciates it. But even as irritated as he...

If we get past this, maybe. He really likes to dismiss anything I have to say sometimes about the subject. I think when I say something, he feels like I'm judging or blaming him, I'm not. I guess I deal with this l il ke my son's asperger's or my own PTSD it just is...there's no connotation...

Thank you. It certainly doesn't feel so amazing right now though, lol. There's always that little nagging... is he really going to leave this time? I can never feel whether things are better or worse. But I have to say, looking over my diary tonight, I would say better. At least on my part...

I'm not even sure where to start right now. @Freida, I started reading this thread last year when you started it. I was actually surprised when I was re-reading the whole thing this year that I hadn't posted more. I guess I thought I did, but must only have in my head. There are so many moving...

He's stunning! I'm so happy for you. You really deserve every good thing coming your way. You're an amazing person! Your handle will have to start getting to a better version of sighing! Like instead of angst, a true exhale!

Thanks @Friday. I don't know why I didn't look at it like that.

Okay, so I'm feeling like a crazy person. I went to my women's group last night. I started there last October when my s/o pushed me away and moved out last year. We reconciled after a couple weeks of a break, but he's still living in his house and me in mine. The facilitator is a retired...

You would think that after almost 9 years of the roller coaster I'd understand by now, especially with having PTSD myself. But the reality is, I don't want to believe it. Every October he leaves, and we work things out and I make more and more concessions. This year, he finally started...

I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Everything is going to be surreal as your eyes open even more, I'm sure. Just do your best to breathe and take it day by day. You're not alone. You are strong and amazing!

Oh, Freida, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. But you should be proud of yourself for how you're handling it; proactively. If it were me, I'm okay with my s/o taking space, but it helps if I know it is coming and why. Maybe tell them this and ask what their thoughts are. If my...

WOW! I'm sorry he doesn't care, I'm sure that part hurts. I'm so proud of you for doing what you need to for you. I can only imagine how hard this is for you, but you've been dealing with too much abuse. You're so amazing and strong! I'm here, if you need to talk or anything. What are your...

I've been doing the same dance with my vet for 8.5 years.... right now included. Last week he couldn'tsay enough nice things, this week it's we can't be together because I he feels dread every day. It's pretty horrible to be told, but then he realizes I'm not causing these feelings, his...

Yes, yes it did. Since this weekend he's been so considerate of my needs as well as taking care of his own. Things are much better. He still has so much to deal with, but he's in a better place to deal with it. Thank you for your consideration. I hope things are going well for you too.

This makes perfect sense to me. I think sometimes I "let it go" because I honestly don't know how much I've contributed to it. In the past before my therapy, I would say my reactions were somewhat in line with what you're describing yours were. So although I think I'm much better, I know I'm not...

I agree with you. We've done some good boundary work, but we need to get to the next level. I believe he does push me away sometimes both because he wants to see if I'll still stay and sometimes because I'm the only thing he trusts to let go of when his stress cup overflows. We just need to work...

There is so much great information here.I going to get back to you guys tomorrow. I can't even keep my eyes open.

You're so sweet! I went Monday to my women's group, that was helpful. Then yesterday my T squeezed me in. I feel much better. He's starting to come down a bit. He's making plans with us again, but it's little bits. I'm fine with that. The service was today, and then he got caught in traffic...

Do you guys leave physically, like a different location or "check out" like mentally or in another room? He will literally try to "break up" with me every time, but will talk to me basically everyday and occasionally make plans until he's ready to come back around. This time he just said he's...

Thank you for that insight. I guess I never really looked at it like that before. In the whole time we've been doing this dance (over 8 years), he's always come back. Sometimes quickly, sometimes more slowly, but always back. But that doesn't stop me from worrying every time if it's the last...

@Freida , this post was so beautiful it's actually bringing tears to my eyes. Oddly enough, it makes perfect sense to me too. This sort of explains how I think about how he works...like I see it, but can't help him with it. Usually when he starts talking to me, this is a lot of what I bring up...

Thank you so much! I appreciate the support. I think this place, with my women's group at home and my T are what keeps me going during these periods. It gets so hard to focus. But I have so much going on right now, I have no choice but to keep myself motivated to being healthy. Healthy...