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Oh @Echo I completely forgot about this reply in the midst of not being able to keep grounded so I am so sorry for the late reply. I hope you are doing better now. You have done so well with your ex even if you didn't manage to get to what you feel you need to talk about just making that...

I had wondered how common it would be as it seems such a natural thing. I actually find it very strange that some people can happily sit with their backs to the door. I know that I take it to extremes but it seems like any animal that might be prey would be better off keeping one eye on the...

Thank you @Notsowild I am finding writing this incredibly helpful. I tend not to make a list but I always know what I need and I am like you, go in, get it, pay, leave! @Echo I was so surprised as it seemed like such an extreme reaction but once I'd calm need down I realised maybe he has...

I can see what you mean. I hadn't really linked it to hypervigilance. I just thought it was a strange habit of mine. I also find it easier if the doors are shut. Every door makes a different sound an I can recognise which door people have used and for the most part work out who it is by...

Have woken up with very little motivation today. I really don't want to go to work. I had a nightmare last night and I can't seem to move on from it. There is a pressure on my wrist and chest, the side where my ribs were broken, like a constant reminder, keeping me just on the edge of another...

Or maybe I should say exit. Wherever I am I have to be able to see any exits from the room. I can sit with my back to the door but I get very stressed when I do and find it hard to concentrate on anything until I can move to a position where I can see the exit. Where I sit in my house I can...

Finally found my purse, it was right where I thought it was and even though I checked the place three times it wasn't until I went back the fourth time that I found it. I decided I would go to the small supermarket in town rather than wimping out and going to the corner shop. It was busy with...

A good nights sleep last night. I think that letter has really helped calm me. I feel less adrift now. Not sure why I got so buzzy last night though, I just couldn't sit still. It has passed now though and I am pretty calm this morning even if I am up at stupid o'clock on my day off. Nothing...

Buzz buzz buzz, can't seem to switch my brain off, can't stop moving my hands, heart feels funny, beating too fast. Maybe dog walking will make it stop. Strange strange strange.

I believe you are right @Echo and I would never have pursued it anyway as I would not want to jeopardise my position here and my home but it has worked out for the best. I have had an unnecessary week from hell but I can live with that to get some freedom back. I do think she should think...

Dishes done, sometimes small aims are better. My Dad came over today and helped me move the dog kennel from the other garden round to this side of the house. We then had lunch together. I am struggling with zoning but the conversation and banter with my Dad helped keep me here for the time he...

Last night was weird. It seems every time I came back to myself I slipped back out shortly after. My neighbour came round and gave me spaghetti bolognese for dinner, I must have eaten it because there is an empty plate on the side. I don't really remember writing my last post or at least, I...

Today didn't go well. My friend was back at work which was nice although she was in a lot of pain which is hard to see day in day out. I tried to convince her that maybe working part time would give her some relief and I also tried to make sure she knew I was there if she needed to go home. I...

Hello @The Albatross It's funny you mention breaking up my days as it's something I have only started doing since I started writing this diary and setting myself tasks. I find having something to aim for helps me to keep going. I am hoping to get a better feel what knocks me by looking back at...

@Echo It was definitely the trauma service phone that tipped me over the edge. The trigger list although very hard to write and work on gives me a sense of control especially when I started noting what helps. It gives me something to hold on to. Things that calm me. Stroking the dogs does and...

The quiet day I asked for worked out. I busied myself in the feeding and cleaning first thing then dealt with phone calls and emails. A quick chat with a colleague to bring myself back down after an awkward phone call with a man then back home for lunch. The dogs were their usual happy selves...

Woke up this morning mid nightmare. I must have been thrashing around because the bed was a mess, I was on the floor and the dogs were staring at me like I'd become a monster. It took a long time to reign in the panic and get my breathing under control but the dogs helped with that once they...

Thank you @JustBe This forum is providing a massive support at the moment while I wait for proper treatment. It is helping me to feel less alone.

I have succeeded in my aim today. My anxiety has started to increase though and has notably gone up with the arrival of my manager in work. Where I was managing to keep it all together everything is starting to feel much more split up. I have gone home for lunch and typing this is helping to...

After reading this thread last night but not really taking it all in I just thought I'd pop back and see how you are @Echo?

I had a good nights sleep, actually it was probably the best nights sleep I've had in weeks. No nightmares, no waking up at odd hours just 5 hours straight sleep. Doesn't sound like enough to most people but for me it is an achievement and I feel better for it. Back to work today after...

@Echo Thank you for the link, I hadn't seen that thread when you first posted it. Made for good reading. Thank you @Hope4Now She is a very understanding and caring doctor. I have barely said a word in any of our appointments but she just seems to get it. She is well used to me walking in with...

Thank you @Echo. I do not know if I am strong or just stubborn! This forum is being a great help but you are right, real people are good to. Your comment of 'cut adrift' is just right and really sums up how I am feeling. I feel disconnected from everything and everyone at the moment not to...

Been to the doctors, it was busy. I took a write up from the meeting I had on Friday so that my doctor knows how my work have suddenly decided to behave. It is a scary moment when you realise your doctor is so worried about what you might do she tells you her exact timetable for work that...

Well done you :D That is a huge step. I have issues with eye contact and actually got told off for it by my bosses boss the other week, apparently it is childish and rude but they just don't understand. It sounds like you have found yourself a really good T. I know you want to tell her in...